A date or "hanging out"

Hey guys, got a quick question. Haven't spoken to this girl for a year (out of my control) but a lack of time means I have to do something when I next speak to her so... Should I

1) Ask her out confidently and make it clear I'm asking her out on a date for a coffee.

2) Ask if she wants to "hang out" over the summer for a coffee.

I'm sure she'll know I'm interested in her obviously but what's the best approach especially if you're a girl or a guy with experience in this field? I reckon if I'm confident enough I'll have a chance since we used to know each other and she knows who I am. Cheeerrrsss

Reply 1

Vav Sartrean Po

Original post by Pizzabomb

Option 1, just go for it - if she declines, at least she hasn't wasted your time through multiple 'hang outs'

Reply 2

queen-bee

Life's too short. Just let her know you like her and would like to ask her out :smile:

Reply 3

RobML

Original post by queen-bee

Life's too short. Just let her know you like her and would like to ask her out :smile:

Wanna hang out? :mmm:

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 4

queen-bee

Original post by RobML

Wanna hang out? :mmm:

Posted from TSR Mobile

you're alive! Long time no hear

Reply 5

RobML

Original post by queen-bee

you're alive! Long time no hear

I assumed you didn't want to hear from silly me

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

Original post by queen-bee

Life's too short. Just let her know you like her and would like to ask her out :smile:

I've liked her for a couple of years and given the length of time we haven't spoken how do I tell her I like her without it seeming obsessive lmao

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

Should I tell her I like her then?

Reply 8

The Assassin

Don't tell you like her. While showing vulnerability is a confidence trait, showing powerlessness, which is what you will end up doing in this case, is a huge value destroyer and attraction killer. Basically you're telling her you like her but you've been too insecure to do anything about it. This is the type of weak behavior that girls fear from all the guys they're "just friends" with.

I don't know how you're going to message her, but if it's on facebook:

Hit her up with some basic small talk
Ask her if she wants to get a drink
Get her number
Text her "I'll hit you up tomorrow to schedule that drink. - OP"
Text her the next day to schedule the drink

Go have the drink. Escalate with touching, physicality, eye contact and everything. Basically try not to make it too obvious but don't hide the fact that you want to **** her -- you need to make your intentions known from the start. That's the only way you'll avoid the friendzone. Getting a female friend attracted to you is the same as getting any woman attracted to you. You don't just go up to a girl you've never met and confess your feelings for her. You flirt with her, get physical with her her, attract her.

Was it really out of your control this entire time that you couldn't speak to her for a whole year? Perhaps I'm being too sudden; you could try and give some more deets

(edited 7 years ago)

Reply 9

fefssdf

Original post by Pizzabomb

just say you want to hang out but then you can flirt with her and act like it is a date..

Reply 10

Pizzabomb

Original post by The Assassin

I'll try my best to do it in real life, face to face. That way I can be confident. But I like your ideas, if it all goes to plan I'll try that.

And as for control... We just have different timetables and different friendship groups. Used to be in lessons together but when you move to college everyone is in different circles. I've only seen some of my friends 3-4 times this year, never mind a girl I was never that close with but we did have conversations here and there. She just seemed like my ideal type, and the way she was when I used to speak to her was engaging, also was intelligent and confident. I also don't have Facebook and I wasn't gonna create one just for this because I wanted to do it in person so it was tough to keep in touch. I see her around a little though sometimes, always across a large room or on a different table etc, I just haven't had the balls until very recently to go out and do something about how I feel.

*I keep switching to anonymous by accident in some posts, apologies*

(edited 7 years ago)

Reply 11

Anonymous #1

Original post by Foo.mp3

3) Tell her "let's grab a coffee sometime"

Only if the conversation beforehand is fantastic and we're really hitting it off just basically. If not I'll ask her, spares any embarrassment I suppose.

Reply 12

Pizzabomb

Original post by Foo.mp3

Women like decisive men, with balls. Such men make positive proposals, they don't sit and beg. 1) Asking is far more embarrassing than casually suggesting; 2) If you're terribly concerned about embarrassment then why not cut your loses and just not talk to girls you're unsure about at all? :rolleyes:

Hey, the fact I'm actually going up to her after all this time, getting her away from a group of friends (potentially depending on the scenario I'm in) and putting my balls on the line I'd say is ballsy enough...

But I'm actually warming up to that idea I wanna have a convo first just to catch up cause otherwise it's almost too random, but asking her does put her on the spot and saying "Hey you free this summer?" "Yes" Let's go for a coffee then next week, I'll pay", then getting her number and saying "I'll call you soon to sort out the details" seems like a decent idea. I wouldn't usually sweat the semantics but dating is a field I'm going in blindly and I'm setting my standards high so being as confident as possible is a necessity. Even if she says no I wanna come out of it like a God.

Reply 13

Pizzabomb

Original post by Foo.mp3

Agreed

Good stuff but wouldn't offer to pay like that - if the girl is right for/at all into you then it'll be mutually beneficial, a joint privilege

Yup. If you get to that stage and execute thusly you can't go too far wrong :smile:

That's the spirit! :horse: