Am I being unfair?

So I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years now and we've always had busy schedules due to work and University. But just recently my boyfriend complained that I don't make enough time for him or that he ALWAYS has to adjust his time so it fits my schedule. I am an over-achiever kind of person, and have a lot of things on my plate. I am doing a sideline business with a partner, I am a youth leader and also help out in the community both of these have meetings per month and the occasional special events. I am very attached to my family so family time must always happen on a weekly basis and there are few instances where I do favours for them such as babysitting, etc. I am also working on top of University and everything else around my plate. So as you can see I do have my hands full. Now, my boyfriend he works 5 to 6 days a week, 9-4 job and goes to the gym after and of course spends time with me when we can, he doesn't spend time with his family as he's not in good terms with them. I am always busy BUT I always schedule a time where we are both free. However some cases, he would take days off just so we could spend time. Am I being unfair? I'm only in my early 20s and I can't just let opportunities slide down like that. And I'm not good at saying 'No' as well when an offer comes that could 1. help me earn money 2. get experience. But am i placing the value of my time more on 'life' things rather than in my relationship? I feel sometimes he doesn't understand nor he's happy with my achievements. I'm quite proud of them but I don't think he is? I don't get his mindset sometimes. He tells me he wants more of my time but I can't seem to drop my responsibilities just like that. I'm proud of what I'm doing and happy although stressful. What do you guys think?

Reply 1

ckfeister

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Reply 2

perspectives

I don't think you're being unfair TBH you don't have to prioritise him over your work life and family he should understand that

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Reply 3

Frances6098

Well, it's always darn hard to know what a relationship is like from the internet, but you have been together a long time, so it seems like a serious, committed relationship. It doesn't sound like he's criticising you for all the things you do, just asking to be higher up the list of priorities. It always sucks to be in a relationship and feel your partner would rather be doing something else than with you - I'm not saying that's how you think, but rather that's the signal you're giving him. He's known you such a long time that doubtlessly he understands you, but it can still hurt if you don't treat him like an important part of the future.

It sounds to me like you have absolutely tons going on, and any job application will be fantastic - you don't need more. How about keeping going with your current commitments, but not taking on anymore unless they're really, really fantastic opportunities?

Reply 4

SMEGGGY

Original post by Anonymous

So I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years now and we've always had busy schedules due to work and University. But just recently my boyfriend complained that I don't make enough time for him or that he ALWAYS has to adjust his time so it fits my schedule.

I am an over-achiever kind of person, and have a lot of things on my plate. I am doing a sideline business with a partner, I am a youth leader and also help out in the community both of these have meetings per month and the occasional special events. I am very attached to my family so family time must always happen on a weekly basis and there are few instances where I do favours for them such as babysitting, etc.

I am also working on top of University and everything else around my plate. So as you can see I do have my hands full. Now, my boyfriend he works 5 to 6 days a week, 9-4 job and goes to the gym after and of course spends time with me when we can, he doesn't spend time with his family as he's not in good terms with them. I am always busy BUT I always schedule a time where we are both free.

However some cases, he would take days off just so we could spend time. Am I being unfair? I'm only in my early 20s and I can't just let opportunities slide down like that. And I'm not good at saying 'No' as well when an offer comes that could 1. help me earn money 2. get experience. But am i placing the value of my time more on 'life' things rather than in my relationship?

I feel sometimes he doesn't understand nor he's happy with my achievements. I'm quite proud of them but I don't think he is? I don't get his mindset sometimes. He tells me he wants more of my time but I can't seem to drop my responsibilities just like that. I'm proud of what I'm doing and happy although stressful. What do you guys think?

SORTED.....

He loves you and wants to spend time with his gf, is that such a horrific thing to want?! Make time for him or he'll find somebody who does. Then you'll be making threads how he's left you! :rolleyes:

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Reply 5

Blondie987

If you're so busy that you can't make time for him, your relationship will suffer, maybe you need to reevaluate what is more important to you and whether being in a relationship is the right thing for you rn.

Reply 6

LiquidGold

How often do you actually see him?

You say family time is important to you, but is your boyfriend not family to you? Could he not go over and see them with you?

If you're really busy, could your boyfriend not come over quite late in the evening (like 9) and then you still get a couple of hours together before bed?

I doubt he's unhappy about your achievements, just that they seem more important than him. Ultimately even the busiest people can find time for things that you really want to see/do. Honestly for me, having a boyfriend isn't about 'fitting him in my schedule', he is a part of the schedule.

Reply 7

jamesthehustler

Original post by Anonymous

I'm like you as I am an over-achiever with my work being my focus and if I was you I'd drop him is extra weight,a hindrance even
that why i still have 9 years of being single left so my business can stabilise itself and i can be making a decent amount to do thing right