Opinions: are me and my 'best friend' still best friends or am I too clingy?

So this guy (both of us are guys) have been best mates since the start of year 8 (we have both just finished our GCSEs) We do love each other (not in that way) but for the past 9 months or so I've started to feel a bit disconnected.

Previously, we would come home after school, hop on steam and play games and talk for hours on end and I miss those times. We could talk about anything while playing games from people, to films, to future aspirations, whatever. We would go out into town occasionally with our circle of friends which was nice. But we would discuss personal matters only with each other which was the highlight of our relationship.

However, as mentioned above, for the past 9 months he stopped playing the games we used to play together with me and started playing with this other guy. The Facebook conversations stopped and obviously the social gaming nights along with our social outings. So the only time we would communicate was during school and that was it. For a brief moment I felt our relationship tumble but we continued in school and it was clear we still maintained our relationship.

He started to invite me out again with his friend (he's 17, going into uni) and I got along with this guy. We would go out every week or so with each other, the 3 of us which made me feel closer again. But he still didn't talk to me on Facebook as often as he used to do. Once every week or so and it was only a few msgs.

And obviously he turned 16 and started going to parties et cetra. This is where it really hurts. He's probably been to around 4-5 parties in the past 6 months (ones I haven't been invited to because he knows them through army cadets) and to all of them he's brought along his other friend as a plus one and hasn't even invited me to one. I really felt like ****.

I know I sound like a typical whinny brat but we have talked about a lot of issues we have both had which to me underlined why we were best friends. But he instead decided to celebrate with this other guy. I felt jealous. I felt guilty for some reason. For a short moment in time I stopped talking to him completely but immediately knew that was the wrong action to take so just played along with it.

It's the summer holidays now and we've been out together every 4-5 days which is nice, with his other friend who I have no issue with. It's just the fact that I feel like he has a new best mate who he would rather spend time with.

I don't know. I have mixed emotions. When he invites me out I feel very optimistic and feel like it's a step further to strengthening our relationship. Then I see him on Facebook with a picture with his supposedly best mate at a party.

I feel like I'm too clingy though sometimes. Idk, opinions.

Reply 1

Anonymous #1

I also feel confused to why he stopped talking to me and started talking to this guy. Don't get me wrong, this guy is a decent person but it just confuses me

Reply 2

codenamematt

Chill bud. People go through phases of friendships. Your reliance is unhealthy and its key you also look to develop friendships outside of yours and his world. Dont do this in a spiteful look at how I can have other friends too kind of way though. That is being bitter. Look to expand yourself outside of this tight relationship. Good luck

(edited 7 years ago)

Reply 3

Anonymous #2

Firstly, I'd like to say that I've never seen a guy talk about another guy friend in the way you have and so I think it's nice to see that you value your friendship this much.

Anyway, I know the feeling of people choosing other people over yourself and it's the worst. I too get jealous and have had to cut off friends due to this.

It's sad but these things happen, you drift as you get older and friends find other friends to hang out with.

What I can suggest is that you invite him to parties? Or just out anywhere, make an effort like that. Or maybe he thinks you're not interested in partying? Make it clear that you are up for going out.

Reply 4

Anonymous #2

Original post by Anonymous

Also, you should try find other friends so that you aren't so reliant on him, as that's unhealthy.
You say he still invites you out a lot but not to the parties, so he probably assumes you don't want to go to them?

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

Original post by Anonymous

Well the parties I'm invited to are the parties he's invited to. It's just that when he gets invited to a party and I haven't for whatever reason, he will bring this other guy.

However, I can see why he wouldn't invite me because he knows I'm an extremely introverted, shy and reserved person. Maybe he respects that? Idk. Thanks for opening me up

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

Original post by Anonymous

Yeah, again. I do accept all his invites to socialize. When I'm around new people however (his friend for example who is a little more confident and outgoing but still fairly quiet) I'm quiet and it is no accident that we are friends because I need time to build a relationship, hence the fact that it started in the classroom where we were in contact regularly.

With his friend however, I'm not in contact as much so I don't have the time to build that bond with him.

I can tell he still values our relationship, it just feels he values this other guy more which upsets me.

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

Original post by Anonymous

Well I start college with him in September so it'll be a fresh start to meet new people which I can maybe introduce to him. :h:

Reply 8

Anonymous #1

Original post by codenamematt

Cheers man, I'll do my best. Starting college in September which is a good start.

Reply 9

codenamematt

Hard truth is he probably gets on better with him in different scenarios. He's growing up, as are you, and is changing as a person. Give space and find other people to occupy your time. You may find in time your long standing friendship holds it's value.

Reply 10

Anonymous #2

Original post by Anonymous

Ah, okay. Tbh it sounds like he's making a good effort to be your friend and I don't see the issue really.
You're both bound to make new friends at this stage in life and you can't expect to be friends exclusively, who don't hang out with other people.

From what I gather, he probably assumes that those other parties are not your thing and instead invites his other friend, it's nothing personal and you're overthinking it.
Try to make other friends so that you aren't so dependant on him.

Reply 11

Anonymous #1

Original post by Anonymous

Well this thread has sparked a moment...

A few months ago he and his friend were talking about this party and I kind just sat there listening in.

My friend then kind of looked at me and realized that I felt left out and said "I would've invited you but we didn't know anyone there and... you know"

I didn't think much of it at the time but I value you that now.

Well, I guess I do have to catch up with a few other close friends but thanks a lot guys. Helped me clear my thoughts now.

Reply 12

Maid Marian

That's life. :sadnod:

People make new friends and start spending more time with them. It's natural to feel a bit jealous and left out over this, but don't take it personally because it really does happen a lot to people. And it really does suck. :erm: