Can't get a date/relationship
Hi
I am a 24 year old guy and I have had no luck at all with dating/relationships. I've been to university and I would have thought that my luck would change and that I would meet a woman there to date or get a girlfriend (because everybody and I mean everybody gets dates/girlfriends there). After uni, I have still not dated or had a girlfriend. I am a virgin, and I feel rubbish. I would not consider myself bad looking and I have got a good personality. I am kind, sensitive, good sense of humour, easy to talk to, down to earth,not arrogant, go to the gym etc. Whenever I have started talking to women (if it is in person or on dating websites), the conversation only goes so far and they seem to be stand offish. I am not saying that as a generalisation about women, but in my experience, they have been standoffish towards me. When talking to them, I can speak to them easily and am not creepy/desperate/awkward so I find it difficult to see why all of them are like that towards me.
When I was at uni, there was a massive drinking culture (as it is in every uni), but although I am not a socially inept person , I didn't drink and was not as extrovert as some drunk guys. I also think generally that it is supposed to be easy to meet someone on nights out, but could not do this due to the above. I also get the impression that women prefer the "jock" types , and I am not a jock. Although I am a perfectly nice person, I get the impression that they want somebody who isn't as nice which contradicts logic in my opinion.
Anyway, I feel like rubbish as I am a virgin and have not dated or had a relationship and I am in my mid twenties! I was wondering if anybody could give me advice to improve my situation and is it really stupid that I am still a vrgin?
I am a 24 year old guy and I have had no luck at all with dating/relationships. I've been to university and I would have thought that my luck would change and that I would meet a woman there to date or get a girlfriend (because everybody and I mean everybody gets dates/girlfriends there). After uni, I have still not dated or had a girlfriend. I am a virgin, and I feel rubbish. I would not consider myself bad looking and I have got a good personality. I am kind, sensitive, good sense of humour, easy to talk to, down to earth,not arrogant, go to the gym etc. Whenever I have started talking to women (if it is in person or on dating websites), the conversation only goes so far and they seem to be stand offish. I am not saying that as a generalisation about women, but in my experience, they have been standoffish towards me. When talking to them, I can speak to them easily and am not creepy/desperate/awkward so I find it difficult to see why all of them are like that towards me.
When I was at uni, there was a massive drinking culture (as it is in every uni), but although I am not a socially inept person , I didn't drink and was not as extrovert as some drunk guys. I also think generally that it is supposed to be easy to meet someone on nights out, but could not do this due to the above. I also get the impression that women prefer the "jock" types , and I am not a jock. Although I am a perfectly nice person, I get the impression that they want somebody who isn't as nice which contradicts logic in my opinion.
Anyway, I feel like rubbish as I am a virgin and have not dated or had a relationship and I am in my mid twenties! I was wondering if anybody could give me advice to improve my situation and is it really stupid that I am still a vrgin?
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You are not great. 
Girls prefer "jocks" women prefer men. When you see a cute girl just say Hi you don't need to say anything or do anything else just say Hello and see her reaction The first 5 minutes are the most important DONT get a game plan and go for the typical pickup line. See her say hello and mention something that stands out. I.E you see she is holding a book that you are familiar with talk about then. Or you see her phone case talk about it i.e you see a pizza phone case perhaps say "whoah that is the coolest case I have ever seen " she will respond with either an "aww thank you" or an " I have a boyfriend"
When she says aww thank you then you can start a conversation I.E are you from this town? , What do you do for a living? You make this bit up just what comes to mind.
You can do this with anything I.E you see her dog or pet (VERY VERY GOOD ONE) you say to her "Hello, sorry to bother you but I saw you walking your dog and I just had to say hello" Then you say that You always wanted a dog or you have the same dog breed etc ask her " is it alright If i pet your dog?" While you pet the dog speak to her and perhaps say something a little bit cheesy for instance " you're two of the cutest things I have seen today" Then just go in for the convo again I.E are you from this town? , What do you do for a living? You make this bit up just what comes to mind.
If you see her nice shoes say " Dayum those are some fresh creps which ones are they"Joking! You tell her that she has really small feet (Only if the does) ask her for her shoe size then tell her yours make sure you're feet are quite big i.e 10,11+ and then say " well you know what they say about guys with big feet" Then go back into the conov again I.e are you from this town?, What do you do for a living? You make this bit up just what comes to mind.
When she says aww thank you then you can start a conversation I.E are you from this town? , What do you do for a living? You make this bit up just what comes to mind.
You can do this with anything I.E you see her dog or pet (VERY VERY GOOD ONE) you say to her "Hello, sorry to bother you but I saw you walking your dog and I just had to say hello" Then you say that You always wanted a dog or you have the same dog breed etc ask her " is it alright If i pet your dog?" While you pet the dog speak to her and perhaps say something a little bit cheesy for instance " you're two of the cutest things I have seen today" Then just go in for the convo again I.E are you from this town? , What do you do for a living? You make this bit up just what comes to mind.
If you see her nice shoes say " Dayum those are some fresh creps which ones are they"
Spoiler
I think it may be a combination of social difficulties and 'nice guy' attitude.
Firstly, have you actually ever asked anyone out directly? If you don't ask you don't get. Perhaps you are too passive.
I think you may be held back by your respect for women. There is often at least a hint of misogyny in most men that do well with women. Being 'nice' will not get you anywhere at this stage in your life. Unfair but true.
Firstly, have you actually ever asked anyone out directly? If you don't ask you don't get. Perhaps you are too passive.
I think you may be held back by your respect for women. There is often at least a hint of misogyny in most men that do well with women. Being 'nice' will not get you anywhere at this stage in your life. Unfair but true.
Original post by nonononononono
Hi
I am a 24 year old guy and I have had no luck at all with dating/relationships. I've been to university and I would have thought that my luck would change and that I would meet a woman there to date or get a girlfriend (because everybody and I mean everybody gets dates/girlfriends there). After uni, I have still not dated or had a girlfriend. I am a virgin, and I feel rubbish. I would not consider myself bad looking and I have got a good personality. I am kind, sensitive, good sense of humour, easy to talk to, down to earth,not arrogant, go to the gym etc. Whenever I have started talking to women (if it is in person or on dating websites), the conversation only goes so far and they seem to be stand offish. I am not saying that as a generalisation about women, but in my experience, they have been standoffish towards me. When talking to them, I can speak to them easily and am not creepy/desperate/awkward so I find it difficult to see why all of them are like that towards me.
When I was at uni, there was a massive drinking culture (as it is in every uni), but although I am not a socially inept person , I didn't drink and was not as extrovert as some drunk guys. I also think generally that it is supposed to be easy to meet someone on nights out, but could not do this due to the above. I also get the impression that women prefer the "jock" types , and I am not a jock. Although I am a perfectly nice person, I get the impression that they want somebody who isn't as nice which contradicts logic in my opinion.
Anyway, I feel like rubbish as I am a virgin and have not dated or had a relationship and I am in my mid twenties! I was wondering if anybody could give me advice to improve my situation and is it really stupid that I am still a vrgin?
I am a 24 year old guy and I have had no luck at all with dating/relationships. I've been to university and I would have thought that my luck would change and that I would meet a woman there to date or get a girlfriend (because everybody and I mean everybody gets dates/girlfriends there). After uni, I have still not dated or had a girlfriend. I am a virgin, and I feel rubbish. I would not consider myself bad looking and I have got a good personality. I am kind, sensitive, good sense of humour, easy to talk to, down to earth,not arrogant, go to the gym etc. Whenever I have started talking to women (if it is in person or on dating websites), the conversation only goes so far and they seem to be stand offish. I am not saying that as a generalisation about women, but in my experience, they have been standoffish towards me. When talking to them, I can speak to them easily and am not creepy/desperate/awkward so I find it difficult to see why all of them are like that towards me.
When I was at uni, there was a massive drinking culture (as it is in every uni), but although I am not a socially inept person , I didn't drink and was not as extrovert as some drunk guys. I also think generally that it is supposed to be easy to meet someone on nights out, but could not do this due to the above. I also get the impression that women prefer the "jock" types , and I am not a jock. Although I am a perfectly nice person, I get the impression that they want somebody who isn't as nice which contradicts logic in my opinion.
Anyway, I feel like rubbish as I am a virgin and have not dated or had a relationship and I am in my mid twenties! I was wondering if anybody could give me advice to improve my situation and is it really stupid that I am still a vrgin?
Having or not having a date does not increase or decrease your worthlessness. Some people out there are just a bit weird. Be proud of who you are, and what you stand for. Sometimes, the longer it takes the bigger the prize, and one day when you find that one person you'll be glad you waited that little bit longer because she will be perfect. No, I don't think it's stupid that your still a virgin.
Maybe try to mix with a different class of person that's more your type maybe?
There are a few options. Become better looking somehow. That, and get a job that pays well.
Oh, and lose the idealistic view that all women are looking for a 'kind, sensitive, loving man'. Express your ego more to attract women. It's quite sad but it's the truth.
Oh, and lose the idealistic view that all women are looking for a 'kind, sensitive, loving man'. Express your ego more to attract women. It's quite sad but it's the truth.
Original post by greatguy860
You are not great.
piss off I own this name u freak
Original post by Reachin4TheStars
Having or not having a date does not increase or decrease your worthlessness. Some people out there are just a bit weird. Be proud of who you are, and what you stand for. Sometimes, the longer it takes the bigger the prize, and one day when you find that one person you'll be glad you waited that little bit longer because she will be perfect. No, I don't think it's stupid that your still a virgin.
With due respect, this is not the right attitude to have. At the end of the day the OP has missed out on experiences his peers will have had; these experiences go a long way in developing someone's character and relationship skills. Whilst it is not in any way "wrong" for the OP not to have had a romantic/sexual relationship with anyone at his age, because of his inexperience he will lack development in certain areas which help build confidence in skills such as conversation/flirting, dating etc.
OP; I've been fortunate enough to have two partners in my life, but otherwise I am in the same boat as you otherwise. I won't even begin to describe the lengths I've gone to try to sort the problem out, but I've honestly just come to the conclusion I'm a lost cause. That said, I've learned a great deal and I'm hoping by sharing that with you it'll perhaps steer you in the right direction.
Firstly and perhaps most importantly, no matter how bad it gets try to remain positive and keep on trying. I'd advise not getting to the point where you throw your hands in the air and give up; if you're frustrated, just take a break from it all. Secondly, make sure you are actually being proactive about this. Online dating, apps, asking girls out IRL will open the door to new possibilities and, even if not successful, you gain the experience from trying. Thirdly, don't think yourself as any "lesser" than other men just because they have more experience than you; many will also have a ton of emotional baggage as a result of bad breakups, infidelity etc. In a way count it as a blessing that you've yet to have your heartbroken. Lastly, make sure you're living your life and are happy with it; keep up with the fitness, go on holidays, take up new hobbies, volunteer, and generally just put yourself out there and meet new people.
Have you asked friends/family why this may be? Have you ever asked someone to be your wingman? What have YOU done to get a partner or sexual encounter?
Sorry about that, but I this is what I was trying to suggest, maybe I put it the wrong way?
Original post by stefano865
I think it may be a combination of social difficulties and 'nice guy' attitude.
Firstly, have you actually ever asked anyone out directly? If you don't ask you don't get. Perhaps you are too passive.
I think you may be held back by your respect for women. There is often at least a hint of misogyny in most men that do well with women. Being 'nice' will not get you anywhere at this stage in your life. Unfair but true.
Firstly, have you actually ever asked anyone out directly? If you don't ask you don't get. Perhaps you are too passive.
I think you may be held back by your respect for women. There is often at least a hint of misogyny in most men that do well with women. Being 'nice' will not get you anywhere at this stage in your life. Unfair but true.
As I said in my post, I do not have social difficulties. I am just not extrovert in comparison to say some drunk guys. I can actually go out clubbing, enjoy myself, talk to women in situations when I am not drunk, so I don't think its got anything to do with social difficulties. I have the confidence to do this.
Also, I would not consider myself to be "nice" as in so nice, you're in the friend zone. What I meant was I am nice in the sense that I have nice qualities such as the ones mentioned above, but not so nice over the top that its cringeworthy. I was trying to illustrate that I am not a completed tool who treats women like rubbish. Anyway, its not in my nature to be a knob towards women, and I think doing so would worsen my chances with them.
Original post by Tom Jickleson
There are a few options. Become better looking somehow. That, and get a job that pays well.
Oh, and lose the idealistic view that all women are looking for a 'kind, sensitive, loving man'. Express your ego more to attract women. It's quite sad but it's the truth.
Oh, and lose the idealistic view that all women are looking for a 'kind, sensitive, loving man'. Express your ego more to attract women. It's quite sad but it's the truth.
Sorry, I am not going to try and get a well paid job to get a girlfriend. If she's in it for the money, she's not worth it.
Big ego=arrogance in some people's eyes. Can have the opposite effect to attraction mate.
Original post by Reachin4TheStars
Sorry about that, but I this is what I was trying to suggest, maybe I put it the wrong way?
No need to be sorry at all.
OP sounds like me.
Awwwwhhh, I hope things get better for you.Show that you careeee about the women, there is no thing as the friend zone. It's a subtle art. You have to love women and be happy that you see them and things like that. don't be creepy. Just when you see them show that you care. chant to yourself - 'I love women' and that 'all women are beautiful'.
sorry if anyone finds this hilarious but it works.
sorry if anyone finds this hilarious but it works.
Original post by nonononononono
As I said in my post, I do not have social difficulties. I am just not extrovert in comparison to say some drunk guys. I can actually go out clubbing, enjoy myself, talk to women in situations when I am not drunk, so I don't think its got anything to do with social difficulties. I have the confidence to do this.
Also, I would not consider myself to be "nice" as in so nice, you're in the friend zone. What I meant was I am nice in the sense that I have nice qualities such as the ones mentioned above, but not so nice over the top that its cringeworthy. I was trying to illustrate that I am not a completed tool who treats women like rubbish. Anyway, its not in my nature to be a knob towards women, and I think doing so would worsen my chances with them.
Also, I would not consider myself to be "nice" as in so nice, you're in the friend zone. What I meant was I am nice in the sense that I have nice qualities such as the ones mentioned above, but not so nice over the top that its cringeworthy. I was trying to illustrate that I am not a completed tool who treats women like rubbish. Anyway, its not in my nature to be a knob towards women, and I think doing so would worsen my chances with them.
I never said treat women like rubbish.
But too much respect is worse than being a knob if you want results. We can all see this.
I don't have much to go on but I already get the impression that you wouldn't be particularly fun to talk to. Don't take this the wrong way. It is often not what you say but how you say it. I suspect you lack any kind of charisma. Luckily this can be fixed to an extent.
You never answered my question. Have you ever asked anyone out directly?
(edited 7 years ago)
Original post by Mrs House
Have you actually asked out any girls? If so, keep asking. You'll find one eventually.
Also don't be perfectly nice, that's boring and plain. I like guys who can stand up for their views, be a bit controversial and dare I say it but a bit of a dick. Just harmless banter
Also don't be perfectly nice, that's boring and plain. I like guys who can stand up for their views, be a bit controversial and dare I say it but a bit of a dick. Just harmless banter
Original post by mrahim
Show that you careeee about the women, there is no thing as the friend zone. It's a subtle art. You have to love women and be happy that you see them and things like that.
this is good stuff I went from being you OP back when I was 14/15 and now I have to virtually bat women away then again maybe it the diamonds, or the Rolexes even
This sounds exactly like future me - I'm going to university this September and hope/hoped my luck would change there, as I've always been rejected so far, but I'm increasingly scared that it won't be the case. Like OP, I don't drink so won't be extremely extroverted on nights out.
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