Are relationships that are really intense and fast at the start a good sign or not?

Is it indicative of you two really being fit for one another, or more of the time just an indicator that you two are simultaneously rather desperate/needy/optimistic/whatever else?

Obviously there will be times when it will be one and the times when it will be the other.

But what are the experiences of some of you guys? Relationships where things got going really fast despite the fact that you did not enter the relationship as a casual thing, you just cannot resist spending lots of time with one another and being sexual with another because you grow to like them so fast.

How did such a relationship turn out in the end? Is it a thing that one should be really happy about or is it something that should make you pause and have a think about why it is actually happening?

Reply 1

rubybrown1234

Every relationship finds its own level in this regard.

The problem isn't when you spend too much time together, it's when you have different opinions on how much time you should be spending with each other.

In the "infatuation" stage of a relationship you tend to look past a lot, naturally once that stage ends the other persons flaws and habits become apparent, you have to decide if those flaws are dealbreakers or you can handle them.

The more time you spend together the quicker the infatuation wears off and you become comfortable. "Cracks" that wouldn't show until 3/4 months down the line are obvious after a shorter period of time.

Fast and intense relationships are definitely not a bad thing at all, I think the issue people have is that something that was doomed to end later on ends a lot sooner than expected.

(edited 7 years ago)

Reply 2

BlueSheep32

It definitely depends on the relationship. If it was just infatuation rather than love, you'll know when you've got past the 'honeymoon' stage because you'll start to see their flaws and everything about them will annoy you.

When my ex and I met, it was quite intense. We were an item within a fortnight, and spending as much time as we could together (we lived in the same building). Fast forward about 6-7 months and there were signs that he was getting fed up of it, and didn't think we should be spending as much time together, whilst I'd become dependent on him for happiness and tried to spend as much time with him as possible. Looking back, I wasn't in a good place mentally, but it caused a lot of arguments - especially when we moved out of halls and into separate houses - and actually throughout our four and a half year relationship, even after I got help for my anxiety & depression, how much time we should be spending together was one thing that we argued about a lot. Towards the end we'd been long distance for a while and I'd had the time away from him to reflect on our relationship and realised how unhappy I was, and how unhealthy a lot of it had been for me. I don't regret it at all, as there were times when I felt on-top-of-the-world happy and we had fun together, and I've learned a lot from it, especially about what I don't want and what I'm willing to put up with from my partner.

I think an intense start can work as long as it's a healthy relationship, as long as you're still doing your own thing sometimes too and it's not stopping you from seeing your family and friends and pursuing your other interests, and one of you doesn't become dependent on the other for happiness. There's a difference between a relationship that moves fast and is healthy and one that becomes all-consuming and as long as it's not the latter like mine was for a time, there's no reason why things won't work out. I know in the future I'll be very careful not to let a relationship take over my life so quickly and completely, but then I've grown up a lot since I met my ex.

(edited 7 years ago)

Reply 3

TorpidPhil

Original post by BlueSheep32

Original post by rubybrown1234

Thanks for the responses guys, sorry I didn't respond sooner to them myself! I just don't know what to say really. I believe most of what you're is true and I'm too inexperienced to add anything else but the external thoughts on the matter are appreciated.

I shall see how this goes I guess while also trying to keep myself slightly grounded and level headed just so things don't get too carried away :smile:

Reply 4

The_Lonely_Goatherd

Original post by TorpidPhil

My own experience was not a happy one and based on that, I'd highly recommend that people in any relationship that moves very fast or is very intense at the start, stop for a moment and consider why that is, etc.

That said, one of my best friends proposed to another of my best friends after only three months of dating! They're due to celebrate their fifth wedding anniversary in September and I honestly can see them being together for life. So it's not automatically doom and gloom :h:

Reply 5

TorpidPhil

Original post by The_Lonely_Goatherd

Indeed that was my worry and that's why I made this thread. I have no real evidence to think it wouldn't be great and I doubt a damn lot. But I recall music wherein the music I have to examine more intently over a few listens is that which I grow to love the most and never be sick off. Whereas that that I like at first quickly grows tiring to listen to. I just have never experienced such intense infatuation early on. I've only met this person once and I feel like I've been on 10 dates with them. It's bizarre and it made me feel the need to step back and re-evaluate stuff.

That's crazy though. Even with this going fast, to imagine proposing to someone within 3months blows my mind. Like... did they move in together real quick or are they religious and propose early lol? Glad it worked out for them though.

Reply 6

The_Lonely_Goatherd

Original post by TorpidPhil

I think taking a step back is a good idea. Though if it's literally just been one date, it's equally important not to overanalyse.

They are religious but were cohabiting and have sex waaaaay before marriage (and proposal, IIRC). So I don't think it was all about religious beliefs. It's just a lot happened in those 3 months, I guess!

The rest of us did think it was bonkers though - ngl :ninja:

Are relationships that are really intense and fast at the start a good sign or not?

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