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Mental Health Support Society XVIII

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Original post by Midnightmemories
X


Hey :hugs:

Firstly, I'm sorry if you feel as though no-one replies to any of your posts in here. I don't think think it's intentional at all or a reflection on you as person or the things you post. People just tend to use this thread as place to put down their own thoughts or how they're feeling at one particular moment, so even though it might have looked like they haven't read what you've said; it might be more that they don't know what to say?

I realise you're not asking for much for people to reply with a ':hugs:' smiley and you're really not asking for much - I promise and I empathise with the fact that someone acknowledging that what you're going through sounds really, very tough can make the world of difference, just people in here tend to post when they're in crisis and therefore not always in the best place mentally to offer support and that might be why some of your posts may not be replied to that's all? :console:
Original post by Deyesy
Hey :hugs:

Firstly, I'm sorry if you feel as though no-one replies to any of your posts in here. I don't think think it's intentional at all or a reflection on you as person or the things you post. People just tend to use this thread as place to put down their own thoughts or how they're feeling at one particular moment, so even though it might have looked like they haven't read what you've said; it might be more that they don't know what to say?

I realise you're not asking for much for people to reply with a ':hugs:' smiley and you're really not asking for much - I promise and I empathise with the fact that someone acknowledging that what you're going through sounds really, very tough can make the world of difference, just people in here tend to post when they're in crisis and therefore not always in the best place mentally to offer support and that might be why some of your posts may not be replied to that's all? :console:


I don't even know why I'm moaning about this in the first place to be honest, it's not like anyone gives a **** about me. :rofl:

Like I'm not even asking directly for hugs, like I know what this thread is used for mostly since I've been around just over 1 1/2 years ish now I think. I just think when stuff gets ignored and and stuff now it's what I deserve. I just wonder sometimes if people actually read what I put and actually like see I'm struggling. Because it seems like the facade I put on offline is now showing in here. I'm acting like everything is fine but in reality it isn't and I don't know what to do about it. Can't seek medical help either because of the waiting list to see a doctor. That plus how she's always late means I'd end up cancelling. I'd just bottle it. And waste NHS time. :hide:

I just feel that I'm just a invisible person now a days and I used to be able to seek support on this thread. Now it just seems like I'm just a piece of the furniture. And I'm just invisible. :hide:

Sorry for the constant mess tonight, really not in a good place. I've been going well for the past week and now today everything's hit me. And tonight my best friend probably hates me. She was my rock.

I'm just a ****ing loner now.
What do I even do anymore. Just over 3 weeks ago my girlfriend ended it with me. It was long distance, but we just about made it work. The long distance isn't by no means the longest, we are in neighboring countries. She herself suffers with depression and part of me does truly believe that her mental health eroded our relationship. She was the love of my life, I loved nothing more than her and I would move Heaven and Earth for that girl. She meant and still does mean a lot to me. The heartbreak is so painful, the sharp pains, tightness of the chest, shortness of breath and general rumination for her. It hurts way too much and at night it gets so painful.

We have been talking and she's unsure about a future relationship because she has thoughts of 'feeling bad' for me or just saying yes because she's empathetic of my situation. But hearing that just saddens me even more. I know she was in love with me, she would always say that she missed me and couldn't wait for her to go to university next year (same university that I'm currently studying at) so that the long distance would go away and we'd have a proper working physical relationship without the strains of long distance.

Before you read the following spoiler know that I'm fully ashamed of what I have done. And I just want advice as to how to deal with pain like this and it's not as simple as: Do a hobby to take your mind off it (I already have a few and whilst I'm doing the said hobby often I would freeze and just think about it involuntarily and break down) or find somebody else to push her away or stop thinking about her. It's not that simple
SH TW

Spoiler

Yay for anxiety ruining my sleep. At a campsite and just like at home every little sound makes me think there's a murderer. All the places I could possibly sleep have some feature that makes it easier for murderers to find me, or at least in my mind they do. My God, I'm pathetic.
Original post by Sabertooth
I live in the US so things are a little different. Rather than being able to resit a final exam, I have to do the whole class again - which is lectures 3 times a week with a quiz in every one, then 2 lab exams and 3 lecture exams. I made 100% attendance both times I did the class and attempted all the reading but I just couldn't memorize enough of the material. I find it very hard to concentrate and my memory and motivation both suck too probably from the medication I'm on. It's basically a memorize everything class and I just can't deal with that (I actually got the lowest grade in the class). If I do go for it I have 3 other classes as well so it's a lot of work and I don't thnink anything has changed which would allow me to pass this time round.

Gonna be starting my second semester in August. :smile:

I'm not really a big drinker, usually a bottle of beer or cider once a week though yesterday I had 2 glasses of red wine, a can of 8% beer mixed with 1.5mg clonazepam. :colondollar:


Oops! Sorry for the wall of text. :redface: How're you? Are you at uni? I've seen you post quite a few helpful posts around the site.


Yes sounds tough. try to lay off the wine okay?
Original post by Midnightmemories
I don't even know why I'm moaning about this in the first place to be honest, it's not like anyone gives a **** about me. :rofl:


Hey,

Firstly, I'm truly sorry. I'm one of the people that posts on here and usually just has a rant or moan, and should take a bit more notice of what other people are going through.

I'm actually feeling very similar about people irl. I've spent weeks asking people for conversation and support, and gotten nearly all dead ends, and it has made me feel a million times worse. It really does suck.

The fact so many of us would recognise your username shows that we do care about your posts, because (speaking for myself at least) you are remembered. Please don't feel like you are on your own with how you feel.

Can completely relate in terms of nhs support. I'm in a right state at the moment and feel like there's nowhere to turn, and this is all still pretty new to me (only got my first diagnosis 18 months ago, and had no problems two years ago). I hope you can find another form of support, because you do deserve it
Original post by Anonymous

X


Hey,

Time does heal. It sounds cliche, and it can take a long time, but eventually it will stop hurting as much...
I don't want to give you relationship advice, but talking to her probably isn't helping you to get your head straight right now. You need to find things that you enjoy, including friends, and find your own reasons to carry on.
I'm saying this from experience, please don't hide away your emotions or turn the hurt on yourself. Talk to people, anyone, write it down, offload. There are a lot of people who get low after a break up, and I'm sure any of them would lend an ear.
You deserve to enjoy life, and you can find a way through this!
Original post by Midnightmemories
I don't even know why I'm moaning about this in the first place to be honest, it's not like anyone gives a **** about me. :rofl:

Like I'm not even asking directly for hugs, like I know what this thread is used for mostly since I've been around just over 1 1/2 years ish now I think. I just think when stuff gets ignored and and stuff now it's what I deserve. I just wonder sometimes if people actually read what I put and actually like see I'm struggling. Because it seems like the facade I put on offline is now showing in here. I'm acting like everything is fine but in reality it isn't and I don't know what to do about it. Can't seek medical help either because of the waiting list to see a doctor. That plus how she's always late means I'd end up cancelling. I'd just bottle it. And waste NHS time. :hide:

I just feel that I'm just a invisible person now a days and I used to be able to seek support on this thread. Now it just seems like I'm just a piece of the furniture. And I'm just invisible. :hide:

Sorry for the constant mess tonight, really not in a good place. I've been going well for the past week and now today everything's hit me. And tonight my best friend probably hates me. She was my rock.

I'm just a ****ing loner now.


If you feel you can't go to your GP have you thought of looking at other sources of help? I've seen you post before that you had counselling. Was that helpful? Maybe you can see if you can get referred to counselling without going to your GP. Improving Access to Psychological Therapies may be such service.
:cry2:
Original post by Midnightmemories
Hope you're okay, haven't spoken to you in awhile :hugs:


Quite manic atm but hanging on in there :colondollar:

Sorry to read you are hurting so much. FWIW, I tend not to reply anymore because

a) your messages are always very very cryptic. So even though I feel I ought to know what is going on with you, I really don't. Without knowing what's going on, I don't know how to help :dontknow:

b) if you can't/won't explore NHS avenues of help, I've no idea what to suggest

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yknow when you just want to have a conversation with someone but no-one wants to hear it.
Original post by Ezme39
Hey,

Time does heal. It sounds cliche, and it can take a long time, but eventually it will stop hurting as much...
I don't want to give you relationship advice, but talking to her probably isn't helping you to get your head straight right now. You need to find things that you enjoy, including friends, and find your own reasons to carry on.
I'm saying this from experience, please don't hide away your emotions or turn the hurt on yourself. Talk to people, anyone, write it down, offload. There are a lot of people who get low after a break up, and I'm sure any of them would lend an ear.
You deserve to enjoy life, and you can find a way through this!


As much as I appreciate the advice to 'move on', it is not simple. I cannot move on. We are very good friends and I support her in her mental health issues as well as many other things. She'll be coming to the university which I study at next year as well, I can't just 'move on'. Again, I have found things I enjoy and it doesn't help, it helps for a short finite amount of time before the feelings come back again and I can't enjoy the hobby any longer. I also talk to people and it still doesn't help.

This heartbreak is huge, it's not as simple as you say
Original post by The_Lonely_Goatherd
Quite manic atm but hanging on in there :colondollar:

Sorry to read you are hurting so much. FWIW, I tend not to reply anymore because

a) your messages are always very very cryptic. So even though I feel I ought to know what is going on with you, I really don't. Without knowing what's going on, I don't know how to help :dontknow:

b) if you can't/won't explore NHS avenues of help, I've no idea what to suggest

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Good that you're hanging in there :hugs:

I try not to be cryptic, it's just a habit I suppose I have because I'm aware that some people that know me irl know I use TSR and they could figure out who I am if I state the obvious on this thread. :dunno: I have been working on this recently, I just really struggle being open with people. And the entire NHS thing, I've tried before but it didn't go well.(she like side stepped the entire thing lol) I'm going to try again when I come back from holiday I think. :hide:

--
Thanks for your support last night guys, I was just feeling very low and I didn't know where to turn too.
I'm still really drained mentally and physically from the medical yesterday and had a few panic attacks today but managed to get through them and make Callan a homemade birthday card for tomorrow. It perked me up a little :h:
Original post by Anonymous
As much as I appreciate the advice to 'move on', it is not simple. I cannot move on. We are very good friends and I support her in her mental health issues as well as many other things. She'll be coming to the university which I study at next year as well, I can't just 'move on'. Again, I have found things I enjoy and it doesn't help, it helps for a short finite amount of time before the feelings come back again and I can't enjoy the hobby any longer. I also talk to people and it still doesn't help.

This heartbreak is huge, it's not as simple as you say


I wasn't trying to make it sound simple, and I'm sorry if that's how it came across.
I meant that you need space to sort your own self out before you can be a shoulder to her, because neither of you sound like you are in a good place right now. And it is really hard to do, because you would naturally be used to being there for each other.
I had the same problem with my ex, because I was his only friend (literally), and he had been my only support through an eating disorder. It seems counter-intuitive to back off during such a difficult time... but, from what you've said, she needs to find other forms of support too, and a bit of space might encourage her to do that.
I may be completely wrong, but in my own case, I regretted not taking that step back, and it took me much longer to get my head straight afterwards.
If she's going to university, that's a great opportunity to make other friends for additional support. A lot of unis have great counselling services too :smile:
Some people find that, gradually, they start enjoying the hobbies for longer- maybe that will be the case for you :smile: Or just anything that can distract you for any time at all. If you can just 'get by' at the moment, it will (believe me!) start to get easier. Do you have people that you're close to, to share any of your feelings with?
I keep finding little bugs in my house and it is really bothering me. Like I don't know what they are and I'm worried that there are more of them and that they are on me or my stuff and that they are damaging things. It makes me feel like my room/house is dirty (which it isn't really I don't think) and I feel just generally unsettled because these bugs can get in and I can't stop them or get rid of them and I don't even know if there are more hiding around the place and just eewww it feels so gross :frown:

Anon 6
Original post by Midnightmemories
Good that you're hanging in there :hugs:

I try not to be cryptic, it's just a habit I suppose I have because I'm aware that some people that know me irl know I use TSR and they could figure out who I am if I state the obvious on this thread. :dunno: I have been working on this recently, I just really struggle being open with people. And the entire NHS thing, I've tried before but it didn't go well.(she like side stepped the entire thing lol) I'm going to try again when I come back from holiday I think. :hide:

--
Thanks for your support last night guys, I was just feeling very low and I didn't know where to turn too.


You're cryptic even in PMs though (understandable to be somewhat cryptic on here). I understand why but it renders me unable to help.

Sadly with the NHS, one has to try and try again until you get somewhere, or involve advocacy services. Not saying that's easy though :nah:

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Original post by The_Lonely_Goatherd
You're cryptic even in PMs though (understandable to be somewhat cryptic on here). I understand why but it renders me unable to help.

Sadly with the NHS, one has to try and try again until you get somewhere, or involve advocacy services. Not saying that's easy though :nah:

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I really do try, ill try harder to be more open, promise. Sometimes i think I've said about something in here (like explained myself) but i haven't and its just like... whoops. no wonder people have no clue what to say :giggle:

NHS is useless, i know this from physical health stuff (year and a half to get a diagnosis about my wrist problems, it's all to do with the flexor tendons apparently.. ) However I'm going to try harder. I'm not a kid anymore, part of me is attempting to wait until October so i don't have to deal with the awkward in between age stuff again. However, and I'm going to make this promise on here. Where everyone can see it. I'm going to seek help by the end of this year. I deserve this for myself. I need to treat myself better.
Original post by FireFreezer77
Damn I'm sorry to hear that!

I hope things will change! It would be nice to be happy again!
I have been going for walks tbh. Not found much enjoyment or satisfaction tbh.
Indulge in what?


You will be happy again, trust me you will!

Indulge in whatever takes you interest, be selfish.

I like sport, when I am going through something I will buy new sport gear. I like acting so I will go to the theater etc

Think of things you like and indulge my friend
Original post by Midnightmemories
I really do try, ill try harder to be more open, promise. Sometimes i think I've said about something in here (like explained myself) but i haven't and its just like... whoops. no wonder people have no clue what to say :giggle:

NHS is useless, i know this from physical health stuff (year and a half to get a diagnosis about my wrist problems, it's all to do with the flexor tendons apparently.. ) However I'm going to try harder. I'm not a kid anymore, part of me is attempting to wait until October so i don't have to deal with the awkward in between age stuff again. However, and I'm going to make this promise on here. Where everyone can see it. I'm going to seek help by the end of this year. I deserve this for myself. I need to treat myself better.


That's the spirit. Do avoid awkward between stuff but once your bday comes round, seek help :yep:

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