Change in personality when romantically involved

As an individual I'm a very independent person, that's how I've grown up to be. But whenever I become involved with a guy, I suddenly lose all sense of my strength and independence and become something different. It's difficult to explain really, but it's annoying for me as I don't like to come across as emotionally dependent on somebody; I like my independence. But I seem to lose it all as soon as a guy is on the scene. Does anybody else experience this? A drastic personality change when involved with somebody?

Reply 1

Mother's Mercy

Original post by callumward97

When you like someone, it is normal to slightly change in order to attract them more, impress them etc. I am not saying that's right, but it's a common thing and it happens a lot. As you get more comfortable in the relationship, you tend to stop trying so hard and eventually go back to how you normally are. If it annoys you, just try harder not to change in order to impress anyone. Be yourself! I am not sure if this is what you mean, but that's how I interpreted it.

Reply 2

callumward97

Original post by Mother's Mercy

Yeah I understand that, but it's almost an uncontrollable change. I'm fully aware that I act differently, but I can't do anything about it. As soon as I'm by myself again, my personality goes straight back to how it usually is. I'm thinking it may be linked to anxiety but I don't really know

Reply 3

Mother's Mercy

Original post by callumward97

Mhm, I see! I think you may have to think about why you do it. It is because you crave acceptance? does it happen only when you have a crush on someone, or with people in general? it could be linked to something else, maybe?

Reply 4

callumward97

It's only with crushes, romantic interests. It's undoubtedly linked to something else, I'm just unsure what. And it's an annoying thing to experience because I'm fully aware when it's happening, I'm just powerless to do anything about it

Reply 5

Mother's Mercy

Have you ever had a bad experience with a previous partner? if that is the case, maybe you are subconsciously hurt and are being more careful, 'pleasing' for that reason? hence your personality change. I guess one of the important questions is, are you worried that if you are yourself, they won't like you? has a partner ever criticized the way you are and has that hurt you a lot? I'm just trying to figure out what it could be :' :wink:

but ultimately that's up to you, because you know yourself best! we can only try and pin point things that could be. Hope this is helping somehow.

Reply 6

callumward97

Original post by Mother's Mercy

but ultimately that's up to you, because you know yourself best! we can only try and pin point things that could be. Hope this is helping somehow.

I don't think it's really a change to impress somebody because I feel like they'd like me more if I acted myself. I definitely think that it's an anxiety related issue. The only negative thing I've had from an ex-boyfriend is that he said I was too emotionally dependent on him. Which is exactly the thing I'm talking about here. It's just really frustrating. Thanks for helping 😊

Reply 7

Mother's Mercy

Original post by callumward97

Aw I see. If you are sure it is anxiety, then maybe you should talk to someone who understands anxiety? I've never 'suffered' from it so I doubt I can be of any more help :') and you are welcome! :h: