If I don't start conversations, it never, ever starts

I could have made the same post myself about 2 years ago.

You're definitely not asking for too much. It might be that they don't value your friendship as much as you value theirs. If people aren't asking stuff about your life chances are they just don't care.

I suppose it all depends how much these friends mean to you. If you completely cut them off would you miss them a lot? Or go into isolation? Or do you reckon you could make new friends?.

I guess some people just aren't that good at conversation. i would speak to them about it.

I'm like you. I wonder how my other friends have like 100 conversations at once while I can barely manage 1 or 2 for a long time.

Are you generally an outgoing person? Some people prefer to talk in person rather than online. It can get boring talking on messenger all the time.

Im not sure how to solve this rather than make new friends. For me this is hard to do so I'm screwed for life

You may value the friendship more than them. It begs the question how long do you have to not speak to them for, for them to contact you just to see how you are?

My outlook on this situation is that you are sparking conversation, but not sparking a friendship - two very different things. I speak to a number of people daily, work colleagues etc, who are not my friends. And conversely, I don't speak to my friends everyday.

They reply to you because they don't want to be rude.

My advice to you is to start making friends not conversation. Perhaps complement them. Ask them for advice about something. Share your advice. Make them laugh. Build trust over something in common. Go out with them rather than message them.

You mentioned that they do tell you personal things, but are these things personal to them? Have they told other people? Did you pester them for this information? If you hadn't of asked or started the conversation, who would they have gone to? Honestly, sharing personal things doesn't mean that much - I tell people personal things if I know they won't tell anyone and I'm looking for some cheap advice, not because they are my friends.


At the end of the day, you can't make them want to be friends with you, give them something to miss about you.

I was had a boy ' friend ' like this who would never start conversations so if i didn't speak to him he wouldn't chat to me either and i always felt guilty for starting the conversations and it drove me mad . I think some people just don't want to be seen as ' desperate' and tend to ignore texts ect even when they could just reply so it gets pretty frustrating. perhaps try calling them instead as its harder to ignore them then !

Like I said before I left for two months and didn't get anyone asking how I am or if something is wrong just silence but I now a few that I have a weird friendship with, I can literally not talk to them for 1 year or more and they will probably not think anything is wrong or ask me.

I only add people on fb if I'm going to see them as a genuine friend and nothing else, if I don't see them as a potential friend I won't accept their request so If I accept them, for me the spark has already began.

I thought that but they seem interested when they talk, they don't just reply with "k", "ok", and such that would indicate that they're uninterested, we usually have a good chat.

It is pretty personal and ones that have opened up have mentioned that they only told this to a very few people and they aren't the type of people who randomly open up to random people.

I've already planned to keep to myself till 2017 in hopes that one of them actually start a conversation with me and if not then It's over.

You seem to be in denial..

If you don't talk to someone for a year because they "probably don't think anything is wrong" - that's now how it should work. I don't talk to my friends "in case something is wrong" , and my friends don't talk to me for that reason. We talk because we want to talk, we miss each other's company etc. If you haven't spoken to them in 2 months - you are still initiating conversation. I'd like to ask, if you never initiate conversation ever again...how many of them would ever talk to you ever again? This is not friendship.

Conversation is different to friendship.

If you add people on fb that you think are genuine friends, then great. But that doesn't mean that they think you are a genuine friend. Of course they wouldn't reply with "k" because that is rude. Anyone can forge conversation for a little while.

You need to be mindful about what you are doing and what you are saying. Don't rely on these 'friends' make new ones.

This is not friendship. If you are constantly initiating conversation, talking first etc - then you need to question it.

If they really wanted to talk to you, they would strike the conversation as well.

I noticed that I’m always the person who starts and if I don’t it never starts. This wasn’t recently but it’s being happening for some time but I never noticed it till I was drowning so deep that I actually wanted someone to lean on.

When I start a conversation with someone it goes great and goes on for a while. We talk about almost anything from likes to dislikes, hobbies and anything we can talk about, it even goes as far as personal moments where they open up to me which makes me happy that they trust me enough to open up to me and tell me about their personal struggles, personally I cherish those moments because it feels genuine and makes me think they’re genuinely my friends.

But I’ve noticed that I’m always starting conversations and on top of that I’m keeping it going by asking more question to invoke a response, It feels like I’m the one who always drives the car and steer it and if I stop they won’t try and drive it by themselves… they just leave.

I even went on to create a “bonding moment” to counter this but I always seem to ask more and get asked less and in the end it didn’t look like a progressive counter.

Recently when I went off fb for 2 months and when I came back there wasn’t a message asking how I was or any mention and after that was nothing, no one contacted me but when I spark a conversation they’re ready to go, even though they are reply late.

I don’t understand this, am I missing out on something? Or am I asking for too much? Should I just continue this? Right now I feel like I have absolutely have no friends amongst my "friends".

I get that some people are shy but this is the majority of my friends and even when I meet new people they’re still the same; I start or it never starts.

I’m not asking for too much, just a simple “Hi, how is your day?” would do much and mean a lot.

When I make friends I expect a mutual platonic relationship and not someone who’s only useful to increase the number of fb friends or an expendable tool.

I noticed that I’m always the person who starts and if I don’t it never starts. This wasn’t recently but it’s being happening for some time but I never noticed it till I was drowning so deep that I actually wanted someone to lean on.

When I start a conversation with someone it goes great and goes on for a while. We talk about almost anything from likes to dislikes, hobbies and anything we can talk about, it even goes as far as personal moments where they open up to me which makes me happy that they trust me enough to open up to me and tell me about their personal struggles, personally I cherish those moments because it feels genuine and makes me think they’re genuinely my friends.

But I’ve noticed that I’m always starting conversations and on top of that I’m keeping it going by asking more question to invoke a response, It feels like I’m the one who always drives the car and steer it and if I stop they won’t try and drive it by themselves… they just leave.

I even went on to create a “bonding moment” to counter this but I always seem to ask more and get asked less and in the end it didn’t look like a progressive counter.

Recently when I went off fb for 2 months and when I came back there wasn’t a message asking how I was or any mention and after that was nothing, no one contacted me but when I spark a conversation they’re ready to go, even though they are reply late.

I don’t understand this, am I missing out on something? Or am I asking for too much? Should I just continue this? Right now I feel like I have absolutely have no friends amongst my "friends".

I get that some people are shy but this is the majority of my friends and even when I meet new people they’re still the same; I start or it never starts.

I’m not asking for too much, just a simple “Hi, how is your day?” would do much and mean a lot.

When I make friends I expect a mutual platonic relationship and not someone who’s only useful to increase the number of fb friends or an expendable tool.

I've been having the same exact issue for the last 3+ years. So I looked to find a solution to the problem. I went to see a spiritual therapist and she gave a bunch of different reasons that may have caused this issue but couldn't narrow it down to one. After I left her I went to see a psychic last week. The psychic said that I have a blockage in 3 of my Chakras (there are seven of them, you should do some research on them). One of the chakras has to do with communication also known as the crown chakra. We're currently doing some cleansing of my chakras and hopefully this will resolve the issue.

She said that there were 2 things from my past that may have caused the issue. 1) One of my grandparents or great grandparents was involved in a love triangle (was with 2 women secretly) and the affect was passed down to people in my family.
2). A girl that I was in a relationship for years was apparently abused sexually when she was a child and therefore had a curse in her. The curse then could of been transferred to me from having sex with her, so as a result has negatively affected me.

Advice: 1) See a qualified psychic (the real deal, no phonies) and let her evaluate you.
2) Pray every day; be thankful for what you have and also pray for cleansing.

Best of luck!

I noticed that I’m always the person who starts and if I don’t it never starts. This wasn’t recently but it’s being happening for some time but I never noticed it till I was drowning so deep that I actually wanted someone to lean on.

When I start a conversation with someone it goes great and goes on for a while. We talk about almost anything from likes to dislikes, hobbies and anything we can talk about, it even goes as far as personal moments where they open up to me which makes me happy that they trust me enough to open up to me and tell me about their personal struggles, personally I cherish those moments because it feels genuine and makes me think they’re genuinely my friends.

But I’ve noticed that I’m always starting conversations and on top of that I’m keeping it going by asking more question to invoke a response, It feels like I’m the one who always drives the car and steer it and if I stop they won’t try and drive it by themselves… they just leave.

I even went on to create a “bonding moment” to counter this but I always seem to ask more and get asked less and in the end it didn’t look like a progressive counter.

Recently when I went off fb for 2 months and when I came back there wasn’t a message asking how I was or any mention and after that was nothing, no one contacted me but when I spark a conversation they’re ready to go, even though they are reply late.

I don’t understand this, am I missing out on something? Or am I asking for too much? Should I just continue this? Right now I feel like I have absolutely have no friends amongst my "friends".

I get that some people are shy but this is the majority of my friends and even when I meet new people they’re still the same; I start or it never starts.

I’m not asking for too much, just a simple “Hi, how is your day?” would do much and mean a lot.

When I make friends I expect a mutual platonic relationship and not someone who’s only useful to increase the number of fb friends or an expendable tool.