How to deal with FOMO and peer pressure to drink in Uni?

I find drinking overrated. I enjoy a few drinks occasionally, but loads of my friends in uni love to go out every week or every other week and get absolutely smashed. I always regret it the next day when I feel **** - plus too much alcohol and lack of sleep can make my depression worse, especially if I keep going on nights out.

I enjoy socialising, but sometimes I feel that the only way to socialise in uni seems to be by getting smashed. I stopped going on many nights out in this year I've just finished, but I feel like I've barely seen anyone. I bump into people and they go "Hey! Omg I haven't seen you in ages. You never come out any more" and that's it.

I feel like I've been spending too much time around toxic people. I'm actually studying medicine and most of the friends I've made are from the same course, but it seems like even though they are training to be doctors, they are very cliquey and do not understand those who might not want to party as much as them. In fact one of my (supposedly) best friends is a girl who, although very smart and academically successful, gossips and parties a lot and will pressure me into doing it with her if she can't find someone else, and make me feel guilty.

I don't feel like I have many friends at all now - most of the ones I spoke to have fell out of touch since I stopped going out as much and I don't know how to make new ones without seeming a bit desperate. I'm hopefully going to join one or two non-medicine extra curricular things when I go back this September in order to meet more people who are not from my course, but I'm worried they'll just be the same.

Any advice?

Reply 1

JamesManc

Surely there's a society for students who don't drink. I must admit at undergrad I drank heavily and was probably an alcoholic. Postgrad I told people on my course I don't drink and they were perfectly fine with it, one girl told me she didn't drink either (because of her anxiety)and we became good mates.

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

Original post by JamesManc

The thing is, telling people when you first meet them that you don't drink isn't usually a problem. It's when they've known you to drink for a while and you tell them you don't want to any more - they can't seem to deal with that.

Reply 3

username1177050

Grow a backbone? Stand your ground?

Reply 4

TimmonaPortella

Original post by Anonymous

I stopped going on many nights out in this year I've just finished, but I feel like I've barely seen anyone. I bump into people and they go "Hey! Omg I haven't seen you in ages. You never come out any more" and that's it.

So maybe go out once in a while and just don't drink so much.

Original post by Anonymous

I'm hopefully going to join one or two non-medicine extra curricular things when I go back this September in order to meet more people who are not from my course, but I'm worried they'll just be the same.

Good idea. That way you'll find people who have common interests with you beyond getting drunk.

Original post by Anonymous

Do you really have to tell them that? Just drink a bit less. Or nothing, if you want. Most people don't keep tabs on what/how much others are drinking :dontknow:

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

Original post by TimmonaPortella

Do you really have to tell them that? Just drink a bit less. Or nothing, if you want. Most people don't keep tabs on what/how much others are drinking :dontknow:

Well yeah because as I said earlier I always have people coming up to me saying "why don't you ever come out any more, I've barely seen you, why you being boring etc" I tell them I got bored of going out and they scoff patronisingly.

Reply 6

username1799249

Original post by Anonymous

Isn't there a middle ground that suits all? Go out with your mates. Have one or two drinks whilst the evening is social and when they disappear off to a noisy anti-social bar take your leave and head back forva good sleep. They get smashed and can't remember you leaving anyway. Win win!

Reply 7

super_kawaii

There's peer pressure to drink at uni? Must have missed that one

Reply 8

Devify

Grow a backbone. Just because you go out with your friends and everyone is drinking doesn't mean you can't drink a coke or something.

There are plenty of students who don't drink at all or just barely drink. The problem is your friends got to know you as someone who drinks just like they do.

I'm sure some of them would be fine with just hanging out and having a coffee if you suggested it. Or you could try making new friends. Join different societies.

I personally hate getting pissed and don't like clubs or anything but I made friends with them knowing that. And some of my friends go out clubbing but we still meet up and have a coffee or go to a pub and just chat while having a few drinks.

Reply 9

Tai Ga

No one's shoving a drink down your throats. I don't really think you can blame the people around you all that much tbh. Obviously if you suddenly start declining invitations to go out people are gonna ask questions. It's not even to say you're being ostracized. They're still inviting you out. Just grow a pair and order a soft drink, otherwise you have no one to blame for your solitude but yourself.

Reply 10

atomickitten

I would say anyone that pressurises you into doing something you don't want to aren't worth hanging around. I was in a similar situation with a group that wanted to go out clubbing and playing drinking games and I didn't really fit in because I don't drink out of a personal choice. I would say make a real effort to do societies outside medicine which im sure wont be easy because its a tough course. I found I made friends by joining a team for my course and im planning on going to my ACS and church youth groups next year. I think also older students tend to have grown out of the whole drinking thing-im not sure how easy it would be but maybe hang out with more second and third year students or even fourth years on your course if you can. The best way to meet this people is through clubs linked to your degree course

Reply 11

The Empire Odyssey

Original post by Anonymous

Some people would take this as an attack on them. I have in the past cause it's just a bit rude to say someone's social activities are boring, especially when someone may be loosely asking you to hang out or come out on a night.

Do you take medicine for your depression, if you do - do not drink alcohol. Stand your ground and just say "I don't drink because of health reasons." and let that me that. From that reason, any person with a brain cell would not pester you any further on the matter due to be courteous of your privacy.

I think like any relationship; it takes two. And it's the same with friendship - you have to give and take. If you do not like clubbing and drinking, then that's fine. But if you like socialising int he day time or chilling in a pub and whatnot, then you need to speak up and tell your friends "can we just go to the pub or grab coffee or chill at the uni cafe". Suggests other things that you like doing. How about going cinema or a Nandos or Wetherspoons' menu for eating out if they're on a budget.

If they so no to all of your suggestions then I'm afraid you need to get yourself some new friends cause if you're not interesting in their social activities, and they're not interested in your social activities, then that leaves little room for friendship imo.

I live by this mantra: People walk into your life for a reason or a season. And there's nothing wrong with that but if you find it hard to let go of people, then you might be very reluctant to change social groups.

Defo do some extracurricular activities and maybe even ask some of those friends to join you or something? If they say no to that, then they are clearly very self-centred and only care about what they wanna do.

But tbh, I had friends who I'd only see if they were coming round mine or vice versa and I had no problem with that. But I had friends outside that lifestyle. So it just depends, but defo make yourself known in other stuff!