22 and never had a boyfriend

Hi everyone,

Just wondering if someone can help me overcome this because I've tried to and don't understand why it has affected me so much. As the title says, I'm not 22, graduated university and never been in a relationship. When I say this, I mean no one has ever liked me, I've never had a thing with anyone or got intimate and been in love and it's starting to hurt a little. All of my friends have boyfriends, my best friend is so much in love that she will probably get engaged soon. It just hurts because obviously I've loads of time but when friends say they are having cuddles, going on dates etc as much as I'm pleased they're happy I also wish I had it. My best friend has been telling me for the last 3 years that it 'will happen one day' .. I don't go out looking for it because I know that'll just result in disappointment but the thought of never being in a relationship makes me feel like am I not good enough as a person or what am I doing wrong.

Thanks

(edited 7 years ago)

Reply 1

username1539513

21

Original post by jroo

Hi everyone,

Just wondering if someone can help me overcome this because I've tried to and don't understand why it has affected me so much. As the title says, I'm not 22, graduated university and never been in a relationship. When I say this, I mean no one has ever liked me, I've never had a thing with anyone or got intimate and been in love and it's starting to hurt a little. All of my friends have boyfriends, my best friend is so much in love that she will probably get engaged soon. It just hurts because obviously I've loads of time but when friends say they are having cuddles, going on dates etc as much as I'm pleased they're happy I also wish I had it. My best friend has been telling me for the last 3 years that it 'will happen one day' .. I don't go out looking for it because I know that'll just result in disappointment but the thought of never being in a relationship makes me feel like am I not good enough as a person or what am I doing wrong.

Thanks

Don't worry about it, I'm 22 and I've never been in a serious relationship either, it's perfectly normal at our age as you've been taken up with education which is good and right. Being in a relationship for the wrong reasons or with the wrong person is more damaging than not being in a relationship at all, just remember that

Reply 2

Emily.97

21

I agree with angry redhead. It doesn't mean anything bad about you as a person, we have other things to focus on in life too. I really don't think you can go searching for a relationship- I just believe it will happen when the time is right. You can't force these things. I do understand the frustration that comes with not having some one like others around you seem to, but what can ya do?

Reply 3

RavioliDance

4

Original post by jroo

Hi everyone,

Just wondering if someone can help me overcome this because I've tried to and don't understand why it has affected me so much. As the title says, I'm not 22, graduated university and never been in a relationship. When I say this, I mean no one has ever liked me, I've never had a thing with anyone or got intimate and been in love and it's starting to hurt a little. All of my friends have boyfriends, my best friend is so much in love that she will probably get engaged soon. It just hurts because obviously I've loads of time but when friends say they are having cuddles, going on dates etc as much as I'm pleased they're happy I also wish I had it. My best friend has been telling me for the last 3 years that it 'will happen one day' .. I don't go out looking for it because I know that'll just result in disappointment but the thought of never being in a relationship makes me feel like am I not good enough as a person or what am I doing wrong.

Thanks

I'm almost 24 and never had a girlfriend and the thought of one day being a senile pensioner at about 85 years old watching young couples in a park going on dates, kissing etc is giving me sleepless nights. :sad:

Reply 4

MaeveÓg

Hey there,
I'm not sure if I can be of much help, but I wouldn't worry about all this too much. Actually all that is very relatable ^^ I'm 20 now, and I've never been in a serious relationship either, yet literary every single one of my friends have been or still are. And I of course I'm happy for them but I also understand it's a bit annoying - someone to cuddle shouldn't be too much to ask for, right? So you're not doing anything wrong and I'm sure you're good enough as a person.
You know, what I would suggest to do is what you love. Distract yourself. Go out and dance because you love it. Travel a bit. Or meet friends over friends who you know over friends. Maybe things like those help?
Good Luck :3

Reply 5

Reda2

14

Original post by jroo

Hi everyone,

Just wondering if someone can help me overcome this because I've tried to and don't understand why it has affected me so much. As the title says, I'm not 22, graduated university and never been in a relationship. When I say this, I mean no one has ever liked me, I've never had a thing with anyone or got intimate and been in love and it's starting to hurt a little. All of my friends have boyfriends, my best friend is so much in love that she will probably get engaged soon. It just hurts because obviously I've loads of time but when friends say they are having cuddles, going on dates etc as much as I'm pleased they're happy I also wish I had it. My best friend has been telling me for the last 3 years that it 'will happen one day' .. I don't go out looking for it because I know that'll just result in disappointment but the thought of never being in a relationship makes me feel like am I not good enough as a person or what am I doing wrong.

Thanks

Don't worry about it for a second!! I am type of guy who believes that everything is already written, everything happens for a reason. You will find your true love at the end, you just have to hang in there. You have not gotten into a relationship for a reason, don't force it or don't try to change that because it is all written and cannot be changed. Be happy and just live your life, don't let it get to you. Just be grateful of what you currently have and be thank full for it, because most people in this world has much worst problems.

Reply 6

Asolare

20

Stop thinking about/focusing on this. I can imagine it must feel pretty *****y not to have dated by your age (I have not dated anyone in nearly 6 years now and I don't exactly feel great about it) but you mustn't focus on a goal of having a partner.

I really wish I could find the video which had this message in it but I've forgotten it. The video was of a guy essentially saying how you shouldn't keep pursueing a partner and instead focus on yourself. Develop your interests and hobbies and along the way you will meet like-minded people with similar interests and hobbies to yours, which you will have a much better time connecting with than someone you find on a random blind date.

Work on yourself first.

Reply 7

markova21

21

Have to agree with the above poster. Work on yourself. But bear in mind also that if you don't actually go out to various places you will never meet anyone. Some random stranger is not going to just knock on your door one day . You have to get out there and make it happen.

Reply 8

loveleest

21

Hello OP

Although I am only 18, I can see where you are coming from. I myself am a victim of feeling left out because all my friends have had boyfriends and have been on dates with guys etc...and then there's me, have done nothing with anyone before.

As I am getting older, I am learning to get used to it. I most likely would end up in your situation OP and would stay single up to your age. But I won't let that get to me. I will focus on other things like my career, hobbies interests and on the way you will find someone. Don't stress about it :smile:

Reply 9

user382

17

Original post by Reda2

Don't worry about it for a second!! I am type of guy who believes that everything is already written, everything happens for a reason. You will find your true love at the end, you just have to hang in there. You have not gotten into a relationship for a reason, don't force it or don't try to change that because it is all written and cannot be changed. Be happy and just live your life, don't let it get to you. Just be grateful of what you currently have and be thank full for it, because most people in this world has much worst problems.

That's cute m8.

But get real. These things happen by making a conscious effort to put yourself out there and widen your social circle. By having enough self-knowledge to know what you want. By taking the initiative to approach people you like.

Life is not a fairytale. :wink:

Reply 10

user382

17

Original post by jroo

Hi everyone,

Just wondering if someone can help me overcome this because I've tried to and don't understand why it has affected me so much. As the title says, I'm not 22, graduated university and never been in a relationship. When I say this, I mean no one has ever liked me, I've never had a thing with anyone or got intimate and been in love and it's starting to hurt a little. All of my friends have boyfriends, my best friend is so much in love that she will probably get engaged soon. It just hurts because obviously I've loads of time but when friends say they are having cuddles, going on dates etc as much as I'm pleased they're happy I also wish I had it. My best friend has been telling me for the last 3 years that it 'will happen one day' .. I don't go out looking for it because I know that'll just result in disappointment but the thought of never being in a relationship makes me feel like am I not good enough as a person or what am I doing wrong.

Thanks

Have you ever asked a guy out?

Reply 11

MonsoonFlower

22

Original post by jroo

Hi everyone,

Just wondering if someone can help me overcome this because I've tried to and don't understand why it has affected me so much. As the title says, I'm not 22, graduated university and never been in a relationship. When I say this, I mean no one has ever liked me, I've never had a thing with anyone or got intimate and been in love and it's starting to hurt a little. All of my friends have boyfriends, my best friend is so much in love that she will probably get engaged soon. It just hurts because obviously I've loads of time but when friends say they are having cuddles, going on dates etc as much as I'm pleased they're happy I also wish I had it. My best friend has been telling me for the last 3 years that it 'will happen one day' .. I don't go out looking for it because I know that'll just result in disappointment but the thought of never being in a relationship makes me feel like am I not good enough as a person or what am I doing wrong.

Thanks

OP you don't have to worry about not having been in a relationship before - a lot of people in this forum have been or are in the same situation as you and it didn't really affect them.

Personally for me, I'm not one of those people who go on numerous dates with many random people because I would rather wait for that special person who would actually want to treat me with respect and don't generally judge me for what I did in the past.

By doing that you'll end up hurting yourself and leading others on when you didn't actually mean to. I've actually did this to one person and trust me it wasn't a nice feeling.

I'm not saying being a serial dater is bad, its just not for everyone.

Trust and believe me, there is nothing wrong with waiting for the right person to be in a relationship with as its more important for you to trust them with your hand and heart. Rather than just rushing into things and end up getting your feelings hurt. :smile:

Reply 12

Anonymous #1

Well the good girls always get their close the perfect guy in the end and shouldn't really stress about it. Maybe your lucky and that you haven't been in a relationship the break ups and all that could have hurt you and what not. Life's better single. :u:

Reply 13

133221333123111

6

Original post by jroo

I don't go out looking for it because I know that'll just result in disappointment

This is going to sound brutal but hopefully it is a wakeup call for you.

I know exactly what this (the quoted part) feels like and it's not nice but feeling sorry for ourselves is useless, even though it feels natural. I do feel sorry for myself to some exxtent, due to an annoying health condition that I have which I feel does not make me 'competitive' in the 'market' - I would say what it is but only people who suffer from it (can't remember the number, maybe 5% of the population) would understand how it makes you feel, but that is beside the point as this thread is about you.

You can't, can't, can't expect someone to come and find you if you don't put yourself out there, unless you're an absolute stunner, which most people aren't if looks/personaility were normally distributed. You need, need, need to put yourself out there. If you've been rejected over the course of your university years then you would have my sympathy. Maybe you would have been doing something wrong or it was out of your control.

However, by sitting there and doing nothing you are doing something wrong but that part is not out of your control. It is very easy to have a negative mindset, not put yourself out there, get stuck further into a negative mindset and have it as a vicious cycle, but that is something that you need to change. You just have to try or you will not succeed.

Also, anyone that tells you that 'you'll be happy one day' or 'you'll find someone' is just spewing wishy-washy nonsense. That's not how things work in life. Okay, they may be trying to make you feel better and it's the thought that counts, but you can't take on board what they say. If you want change, you have to take charge of things and do it for yourself.

(edited 7 years ago)

Reply 14

Zarek

21

So, I was pretty much in the same boat and when I went to work my luck changed. I think unless you are above average looks and social still getting a partner is hard work. I'm not sure if it's better or worse for girls. It's probably a bit easier to exploit appearance but a bit more difficult to be proactive in asking out. Anyway, keep at it, I think things work out with effort and persistence and success when it comes is all the more sweet.

Reply 15

ckfeister

19

Normal for studying nerds

Reply 16

Anonymous #2

I'm 22 also and I've only been in catfish relationships as I don't want anything irl.

It's kind of a shame that you haven't had any sort of connection with anyone or gotten over a heartbreak as that would have made you a stronger person today.

Be vigilant now in your search for a relationship because you don't have that experience, so if you get hurt it will affect you more due to adult responsibilities such as work.

Reply 17

theBranicAc

3

Original post by Reda2

Don't worry about it for a second!! I am type of guy who believes that everything is already written, everything happens for a reason. You will find your true love at the end, you just have to hang in there. You have not gotten into a relationship for a reason, don't force it or don't try to change that because it is all written and cannot be changed. Be happy and just live your life, don't let it get to you. Just be grateful of what you currently have and be thank full for it, because most people in this world has much worst problems.