I think my girlfriend is going off me

OP

Original post by Nimrahk123

Just tell her or stop responding she'll give into affection if you seem more distant if she cares about you.

Thank you for responding :smile:

I'm thinking of doing something I call aeroplane mode when you don't reply as much, that way she can miss me or not

Reply 3

username1726117

14

Be sure not to play games here, OP.

A little push and pull is good in a relationship. If she's distancing herself away from you, then you do the same. It's called balance. Relationship's are a two-way street, so if she's not making enough effort you need to just focus on yourself and do your own thing. Yes, it may make her miss you more and increase her affection, but you don't do these things for that reaction...you do it to keep things healthy.

So, sure, pull back a little bit, but don't be a twit about it and start ignoring her texts completely or what have you. If she wants to hold hands, hold her damn hand.

Reply 4

silverbolt

Original post by Magicalgeofray

Ive been going out with an amazing girl for a year and a half and we have had some amazing times, she really is amazing. But of late she is less affectionate she won't even hold my hand by her own doing, I have to make all the moves and even then I think she just accepts it because she is my girlfriend. Things like this have happened before and eventually we get through and everything is well again, how do I show that I want to be loved or that what she is doing hurts because I'm not sure how to feel?

Have you tried telling her what youve told us?

Reply 5

999tigger

She could have got bored with you, so aeroplane mode and ignoring her will only help justify her views,
Surel;y the logical thing to do is make yourself more interesting and more fun to be with so she cna see the point in keeping you as her bf?

Do you complement her, do you make her laugh, do things, sort out dates or trips?

Going with the stragey of ignoring her, telling her you need love and seh is hurting you all sounds a bit heavy duty and needy. Nothing wrong with discussion, but at the moment it looks like shes bored.

Reply 6

OP

Original post by 999tigger

She could have got bored with you, so aeroplane mode and ignoring her will only help justify her views,
Surel;y the logical thing to do is make yourself more interesting and more fun to be with so she cna see the point in keeping you as her bf?

Do you complement her, do you make her laugh, do things, sort out dates or trips?

Going with the stragey of ignoring her, telling her you need love and seh is hurting you all sounds a bit heavy duty and needy. Nothing wrong with discussion, but at the moment it looks like shes bored.

Thank you for response, you are so right. We went out with friends last night and I think that I'm too focused on her and not myself so I'm quiet and not present. Additionally I tried organising things but she said she was busy, I want to take her on a surprise day out and I've told her this but she didn't seem too impressed, I thought that would be a good thing?

Reply 7

emobambam

14

Original post by Magicalgeofray

Ive been going out with an amazing girl for a year and a half and we have had some amazing times, she really is amazing. But of late she is less affectionate she won't even hold my hand by her own doing, I have to make all the moves and even then I think she just accepts it because she is my girlfriend. Things like this have happened before and eventually we get through and everything is well again, how do I show that I want to be loved or that what she is doing hurts because I'm not sure how to feel?

just think of this as practice for your future marriage.

Reply 8

999tigger

Original post by Magicalgeofray

Thank you for response, you are so right. We went out with friends last night and I think that I'm too focused on her and not myself so I'm quiet and not present. Additionally I tried organising things but she said she was busy, I want to take her on a surprise day out and I've told her this but she didn't seem too impressed, I thought that would be a good thing?

I was just suggesting the treat them mean to keep them keen stragey isnt always wise.

Sometimes relationships run their course , people get bored and they move on.
Maybe there are other reasons?

It may be whatever you do, if she isnt in the mood then it might make things worse because she chooses to see anything you do as another reason as to why she is bored. You could talk to her but dont make it heavy, make it about her and tell her yoube noticed she seems distracted and whether she wnats to talk about it. It might not end well, but thats the risk you take.

Reply 9

OP

Original post by 999tigger

I was just suggesting the treat them mean to keep them keen stragey isnt always wise.

Sometimes relationships run their course , people get bored and they move on.
Maybe there are other reasons?

It may be whatever you do, if she isnt in the mood then it might make things worse because she chooses to see anything you do as another reason as to why she is bored. You could talk to her but dont make it heavy, make it about her and tell her yoube noticed she seems distracted and whether she wnats to talk about it. It might not end well, but thats the risk you take.

What kinds of things should I do to seem intresting? I'm not superman I'm just an adverage nerdy guy but I like running and cycling

Reply 10

999tigger

Original post by Magicalgeofray

What kinds of things should I do to seem intresting? I'm not superman I'm just an adverage nerdy guy but I like running and cycling

Maybe you could ask the females on the board what things they like or ofc you could subtly ask her.

Shes probably bored, but no idea if its terminal.

She liked you in the beginning for a reason, but she seems to have turned off now.

1. You cna talk to her, which may give you ideas, but has just as much chance of hastening the end. She is the one who knows how she feels though am why things have gone downhill.
2. You could give her space, not quite the treat her mean to keep her keen thing, but rather than be draining or needy, then leave her to her own devices except for a few quality days a week?
3. Organise something for her rather than what you do every week, concert to see favourite group day out etc? Why not take up a few hobbies like cooking, a sport or an activity she is interested in? dancing?

No idea just something to try and break routine so you can spend better time together rather than be bored.

Dont wnat to be too pessimistic, but its natural for some relationships to run their course.

Reply 11

Allie4

20

could just be a phase. it happens, we can't switch on the affection all the time. ask her if things are going ok in her life, maybe something is getting her down

Reply 12

OP

Original post by 999tigger

Maybe you could ask the females on the board what things they like or ofc you could subtly ask her.

Shes probably bored, but no idea if its terminal.

She liked you in the beginning for a reason, but she seems to have turned off now.

1. You cna talk to her, which may give you ideas, but has just as much chance of hastening the end. She is the one who knows how she feels though am why things have gone downhill.
2. You could give her space, not quite the treat her mean to keep her keen thing, but rather than be draining or needy, then leave her to her own devices except for a few quality days a week?
3. Organise something for her rather than what you do every week, concert to see favourite group day out etc? Why not take up a few hobbies like cooking, a sport or an activity she is interested in? dancing?

No idea just something to try and break routine so you can spend better time together rather than be bored.

Dont wnat to be too pessimistic, but its natural for some relationships to run their course.

This was such a good answer, I have a day planned and she said it was a good idea so things might not be so bad. I guess I could have been selfish thinking I was the problem when in actual fact she was just tired and going through something. We are both going to different universities, she is going to Cambridge and I Loughborough and have both agreed that it would be too much hassle to try and meet up during term. I will always love her but this will be a big challenge. I just didn't want things to go sour prior to us leaving for uni.

Reply 13

Pinkberry_y

Original post by Magicalgeofray

Ive been going out with an amazing girl for a year and a half and we have had some amazing times, she really is amazing. But of late she is less affectionate she won't even hold my hand by her own doing, I have to make all the moves and even then I think she just accepts it because she is my girlfriend. Things like this have happened before and eventually we get through and everything is well again, how do I show that I want to be loved or that what she is doing hurts because I'm not sure how to feel?

She's probably bored and/or has a low sex drive/ is a prude

OP

lol we broke up

Aw dude I'm sorry, it will hurt for a while, but I promise you'll get past it.

It's no consolation now, but time heals all wounds!

Take it easy*

Reply 16

OP