The Student Room Group

Getting over a girl i never dated.

Long story short it went on for a while, I got too invested, she began to lead me on and it ended. The thought of her being with other guys really annoys me especially now as she is on holiday with her friends and there is a lot of guys who seek out girls. Any help
On how I can get over this or anybody in similar situations? Thanks.
Reply 1
Original post by Anonymous
Long story short it went on for a while, I got too invested, she began to lead me on and it ended. The thought of her being with other guys really annoys me especially now as she is on holiday with her friends and there is a lot of guys who seek out girls. Any help
On how I can get over this or anybody in similar situations? Thanks.


Just try as much as possible to get your mind off her. Think and focus on other things and have it in mind that there is a better girl out there who would truly feel the same way about you. If you don't stop thinking about her, you'll find it difficult to move on! Or what do you think? What do you say we try that? Good luck.
Reply 2
Original post by Pamelle
Just try as much as possible to get your mind off her. Think and focus on other things and have it in mind that there is a better girl out there who would truly feel the same way about you. If you don't stop thinking about her, you'll find it difficult to move on! Or what do you think? What do you say we try that? Good luck.


Yeah that's great advice, but trying not to think about it makes me think about it more. It's like I'm jealous of other guys who can do things with her even though I have absolutely no idea what's she's doing or anything and that its just things I'm assuming and making up. It's like I have her on a pedestal.
Reply 3
Original post by Anonymous
Yeah that's great advice, but trying not to think about it makes me think about it more. It's like I'm jealous of other guys who can do things with her even though I have absolutely no idea what's she's doing or anything and that its just things I'm assuming and making up. It's like I have her on a pedestal.


Okay, let's be more critical. What exactly do you like/love about her?
Hey, don't feel too bad because plenty of guys have been in the same situation. It's normal to feel this way when we want someone/something and we've invested time, effort and opened ourselves up emotionally. But you need to consider right now if it IS going anywhere with this girl, not if it could be or should be. If you believe that it likely isn't and you're not going to attempt to build the relationship further, or she isn't going to be interested in that sense, then you need to shut that part of you that wants her down mate. To do that you need to accept what isn't going to be, realise that she is an individual with no obligation to conserve your emotions and hence is okay to speak to and be with other guys.

Just remind yourself that despite your own feelings and the effort you've put in, she is not yours and can do as she pleases. And so can you when you're ready. You've got to tell yourself that and shut down that jealousy and selfishness otherwise it's gonna hold you back, and you need to move forward.
Good luck pal.

P.S. as someone mentioned above, there are others out there who you haven't even met but will bring a new light to your life. As powerful as attachments can be, the fact you can have them means you will definitely have more in the future which are likely to be more meaningful and reciprocated. :smile:
(edited 7 years ago)
Reply 5
Original post by Pamelle
Okay, let's be more critical. What exactly do you like/love about her?


That's the thing I don't know. It's more of a case where I feel like there's something wrong with me and that other guys may find it easier to get her and stuff. It's not that I can't get over being with her, I'm over that. It's just the feeling that she doesent even care and I'm still
Here venting. I dunno I just want to be happy again.
well i was in a similar situation. she lead you on, shes probably not too interested thats the harsh reality of it. when i went through something similar one person told me something stupidly obvious but something many forget - feelings in relationships have to go both ways and match in strength and they didnt for you. ultimately, you need to stop thinking about her - i know too well thats easier said than done. truth is it just takes time, months even of you just focussing on yourself and then then you kind of get to a point where you find someone else, and then you really get over the old girl. even then tho, youll always have some feelings for that girl, but you can live your life and be happy knowing she simply wasnt right for you
Reply 7
Original post by JNDSAN
well i was in a similar situation. she lead you on, shes probably not too interested thats the harsh reality of it. when i went through something similar one person told me something stupidly obvious but something many forget - feelings in relationships have to go both ways and match in strength and they didnt for you. ultimately, you need to stop thinking about her - i know too well thats easier said than done. truth is it just takes time, months even of you just focussing on yourself and then then you kind of get to a point where you find someone else, and then you really get over the old girl. even then tho, youll always have some feelings for that girl, but you can live your life and be happy knowing she simply wasnt right for you


Yeah thanks I appreciate it. I just need to get her out of my head somehow
Reply 8
Original post by Anonymous
That's the thing I don't know. It's more of a case where I feel like there's something wrong with me and that other guys may find it easier to get her and stuff. It's not that I can't get over being with her, I'm over that. It's just the feeling that she doesent even care and I'm still
Here venting. I dunno I just want to be happy again.


You want to be happy again? you gotta make yourself. She's not worth you. Deep inside you know you are a great person and i believe you are and nothing is wrong with you. Don't beat yourself up. Maybe she knows how you feel about her and she's hurting you on purpose which she might not but you have to move on and create a space for that special person that will love you all the same. Be HAPPY!
Reply 9
Original post by Aldeadrid
Hey, don't feel too bad because plenty of guys have been in the same situation. It's normal to feel this way when we want someone/something and we've invested time, effort and opened ourselves up emotionally. But you need to consider right now if it IS going anywhere with this girl, not if it could be or should be. If you believe that it likely isn't and you're not going to attempt to build the relationship further, or she isn't going to be interested in that sense, then you need to shut that part of you that wants her down mate. To do that you need to accept what isn't going to be, realise that she is an individual with no obligation to conserve your emotions and hence is okay to speak to and be with other guys.

Just remind yourself that despite your own feelings and the effort you've put in, she is not yours and can do as she pleases. And so can you when you're ready. You've got to tell yourself that and shut down that jealousy and selfishness otherwise it's gonna hold you back, and you need to move forward.
Good luck pal.

Yeah that's true I suppose it's just accepting that, like because I never got that far with her, the idea of it with someone else makes me take it personally like I won't find anyone better. But, I know that the right girl is out there for me
Original post by Anonymous
Yeah thanks I appreciate it. I just need to get her out of my head somehow


indeed, you wil get over it. i know thats incredibly irritating to hear because you probably just cant believe it, but just take it by every hour, every day, focussing on yourself, your own interests, spending time with your friends helps, listening to music, reading, your school work. incrementally youll think about her less and less until one day, as far off as it may now seem, you wont think about her at all, and youll get your life back and your mind will belong to you again! good luck buddy
Original post by Pamelle
You want to be happy again? you gotta make yourself. She's not worth you. Deep inside you know you are a great person and i believe you are and nothing is wrong with you. Don't beat yourself up. Maybe she knows how you feel about her and she's hurting you on purpose which she might not but you have to move on and create a space for that special person that will love you all the same. Be HAPPY!


I really appreciate all this support. It means a lot. I am going to get over this and find the right girl over time
Original post by JNDSAN
indeed, you wil get over it. i know thats incredibly irritating to hear because you probably just cant believe it, but just take it by every hour, every day, focussing on yourself, your own interests, spending time with your friends helps, listening to music, reading, your school work. incrementally youll think about her less and less until one day, as far off as it may now seem, you wont think about her at all, and youll get your life back and your mind will belong to you again! good luck buddy

Thanks man I really appreciate it
Reply 13
Original post by Anonymous
I really appreciate all this support. It means a lot. I am going to get over this and find the right girl over time

That's the spirit boy. Good Luck finding her!
I don't know if you've ever seen Bronson with Tom Hardy, but there's an interview Hardy did about how he communicated with Charlie Bronson and he tells a story about how Bronson helpee him get over his girlfriend. Might help to watch it, go check it out on YouTube "Tom Hardy on Charles Bronson" it's only a few minutes long the clip😉

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