The Student Room Group

Is this blunt or am I being unreasonable?

Hi*

I am easily frustrated by blunt messages and a few messages from my friend have recently just made me doubt how much he wants to talk to me. I just want to know if I'm being unreasonable.*

Example 1: I asked a question
Reply: Look it up then?

Example 2: I complained that I was fed up of something
Reply: Stop doing it then?

Is it me or are these just plain blunt? It seems as if he doesn't really want to talk to me and makes me think that I can't really say much without being made out like an idiot because the solution is so obvious.

What do people make of this? :/*
people like that aren't worth bothering with tbh
Reply 2
Original post by Mayhem™
people like that aren't worth bothering with tbh


But he's my best friend! He's not normally blunt, but sometimes he can just be and it just annoys me because I don't know if he likes me or not!
Original post by Anonymous
But he's my best friend! He's not normally blunt, but sometimes he can just be and it just annoys me because I don't know if he likes me or not!


speak to him about it - that's the way you're going to get the most information
Depends entirely on what's being asked. I'm no stranger to being asked stupid questions and if it's my close friends, I'll give them a blunt answer. If we're face to face I'll literally tell them to stop being such a knob-end. Friends gon' friend.
Original post by Anonymous
Hi*

I am easily frustrated by blunt messages and a few messages from my friend have recently just made me doubt how much he wants to talk to me. I just want to know if I'm being unreasonable.*

Example 1: I asked a question
Reply: Look it up then?

Example 2: I complained that I was fed up of something
Reply: Stop doing it then?

Is it me or are these just plain blunt? It seems as if he doesn't really want to talk to me and makes me think that I can't really say much without being made out like an idiot because the solution is so obvious.

What do people make of this? :/*
Ask him if there's something wrong or if you did something to upset him. He seems like something is bothering him so let him know that you're there to talk and if it was you that upset/annoyed him you're willing to do something about it and you're not doing it on purpose. Hope that helps :h:
Reply 6
Original post by WoodyMKC
Depends entirely on what's being asked. I'm no stranger to being asked stupid questions and if it's my close friends, I'll give them a blunt answer. If we're face to face I'll literally tell them to stop being such a knob-end. Friends gon' friend.


Well, with the first example, we were talking small talk.*

Then I asked 'When do America vote' not entirely for the answer, because I wanted to create a conversation, namely about American politics.

With the second, I said I was fed up with some work I was doing.*
just ask him why hes being so blunt, its better to be straight forward rather than worrying yourself with assumptions
Reply 8
Original post by Mayhem™
speak to him about it - that's the way you're going to get the most information


He argues that he is not being blunt.*
Original post by Anonymous
He argues that he is not being blunt.*


then ask him why he formulates his responses in a certain way
If he's your best friend you probably have nothing to worry about. My friends do this all the time LOL and it means nothing.
Original post by TiernanW
If he's your best friend you probably have nothing to worry about. My friends do this all the time LOL and it means nothing.


But it's annoying - I want to talk and then just get fed blunt comments that make me feel like I can't talk about anything without an incoming blunt response
Original post by Anonymous
Well, with the first example, we were talking small talk.*

Then I asked 'When do America vote' not entirely for the answer, because I wanted to create a conversation, namely about American politics.

With the second, I said I was fed up with some work I was doing.*


THe first one, he clearly didn't know, so told you to google it.

The second one, I assume he wasn't having the best day so couldn't really be bothered to hear you talk about how awful you day was.

Just saying that there's always an extra excuse/ perspective to consider. It could be anything, so you gotta decide whether you actually care that much or not.
Original post by Anonymous
Well, with the first example, we were talking small talk.*

Then I asked 'When do America vote' not entirely for the answer, because I wanted to create a conversation, namely about American politics.

With the second, I said I was fed up with some work I was doing.*


With the first one, yeah, sounds like he was being a bit of a cock, if you were chatting he could have just said 'so and so a date' or 'I dunno... try google maybe?'.

As for the second one though, that again depends, in this case on whether you're the sort of person that is always moaning about your life. When my friend does this it's always about the same things and I just tell him, well, if it's pissing you off that much why do you keep on the way you are? If it was just a one-off though then again, sounds like he's just being a bit of a dick. Has he always been like it? Maybe just having a bad week? People do generally take out their frustrations on those close to them.
Original post by Anonymous
But it's annoying - I want to talk and then just get fed blunt comments that make me feel like I can't talk about anything without an incoming blunt response


How often are you trying to talk to him? You might be talking to him too much. People get busy.
Original post by TiernanW
How often are you trying to talk to him? You might be talking to him too much. People get busy.


Every day but we've always done that and he says he likes it.*

Yet the blunt comments make me agree with you and think he doesn't really like it and that I should just stop messaging. *
Original post by Anonymous
Every day but we've always done that and he says he likes it.*

Yet the blunt comments make me agree with you and think he doesn't really like it and that I should just stop messaging. *


Let him start the conversation next time. I have a friend I used to talk to everyday and when we missed days I noticed, but it didn't mean anything, she was just doing stuff. :smile: Relax.
Hey there. Try to look past some people's bluntness. I'm actually researching how to be less blunt because I keep making people feel as exactly as you feel and it isn't intentional. It's actually a big indicator of how blunt people think. We're very literal in our thinking and we speak exactly what we think. *However*, that doesn't mean we think someone's an idiot or we don't care for them. We're very focused on the content rather than the process of communication and forget about the reason for the process while we're communicating. It's not a lack of empathy but a facet of self awareness that becomes second nature and underdeveloped and it comes from how we're spoken to growing up. Maybe nudge your friend and share how you feel with them. Give the same examples. If they care about the friendship with you, they'll try to improve but they may need help along the way. Teach them about euphenism. Try to help them reshape the way they think when communicating :smile:

Latest