Guy I like still loves his ex

Found out that the guy I really like still has feelings for his ex who he hasn't seen in nearly 2 years. Apparently she treated him awfully and stuff and she led him on about whether they were actually in a relationship or not.

He always says how lovely and kind I am and stuff.

Just found out he's going to visit her in summer (She lives in Norway). Well, he didn't actually tell me that, but he told me he was going to Norway, and I sort of got it.

he's always said that he hasn't been able to develop feelings for anyone since her, he hasn't wanted another girlfriend etc.

It just frustrates me. I know there is absolutely nothing I can do and it's his choice. He told me he'd 'never go out with her again'. And besides, they live too far apart, and that's the reason I broke up.

I don't even know if she's still into him or if she has a boyfriend or whatever, but I would have done anything at all for the guy, I would not have treated him badly or led him on.

I know it's a case of meeting someone else, but it hurts me. Anyone else ever been in this situation?

Reply 1

Anonymous #1

I admit that me and him slept together after we'd known each other a couple of weeks. But apparently she 'made him wait' 2 months and I dunno, now I keep comparing myself to her, wondering is she prettier or more intelligent than me etc.

I keep asking myself if he didn't have feelings for her, would he be interested in dating me etc. as I know he appreciates me a lot, even if he doesn't have feelings.

I feel stupid for being like this, but not sure how to get over it..

Reply 2

Nim_123

Look, you are amazing and beautiful, you need to stop trying to compare yourself to this other girl, you're both different and amazing.
I've not been in the same situation but one of my friends is, I think you need to stop thinking about the what ifs and focus on being yourself and enjoy your current relationship with him, who knows in the future it may change, but you need to move on.
Good Luck x

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

Original post by Nimrahk123

Thank you

Yeah I know he is attracted to me which is annoying, I mean he says he only 'sees me as a friend' but we've slept together a couple of times, and personality wise he told me before I 'really am an amazing girl' and stuff like that :frown:

But yeah, they live in different countries and he's told me they'll never get back together, so I don't get it :s

I don't know her anyway and don't have her on fb or anything, but i've seen pictures.

I've told him im ok with being friends and stuff but I just feel like he's daft for wasting time on her after 2 years :frown:

But I'm looking forward to meeting new people and finding someone who is for me :smile:

Reply 4

Nim_123

No worries,
It sounds like he wants something he can't have, so is missing the people right in front of him.
Well done to you for being able to try and remain friends with him regardless of your intimacy and relationship. He is incredibly daft for wasting so long on this girl, he probably deserves better too.
Great, keep a positive attitude about the situation, meet new people and have fun.
Good Luck again x

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

Original post by Nimrahk123

Yeah

After I understand that feelings can't be controlled.. but I think he is absolutely stupid! I don't think he'd be very happy if I told him that, especially coming from me, since he knows I like him.

But the guy hasn't been with anyone in 2 years apart from me. He said he met me, liked me at the beginning then realised he couldn't and that he was still into her.

I don't know what to make of that, but whatever.

I thought it was a shame to lose the friendship, but I will do what you said, keep strong, and focus on finding somebody who's more available. Thank you :smile:

Reply 6

999tigger

Original post by Anonymous

Stop wasting time on fantasy . Things are as they are and he has feelings for someone else.

Accept it and move on. You are wasting your time.

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

Original post by 999tigger

Stop wasting time on fantasy . Things are as they are and he has feelings for someone else.

Accept it and move on. You are wasting your time.

Yeah ,you're right, I know. It just puzzles me how he still does after 2 years, especially since she was apparently awful to him! But yeah, I know there's notihng I can do about it.

Reply 8

999tigger

Original post by Anonymous

Yeah ,you're right, I know. It just puzzles me how he still does after 2 years, especially since she was apparently awful to him! But yeah, I know there's notihng I can do about it.

Its the pizzling im referring to you are wasting time thinking about it and him. iys a 100% waste of energy, stop being a fantasist and fin someone who doesnt have his baggage and wants to be with you.

Reply 9

Kanairee

Many people have been in a similar situation, myself included. Comparing yourself to her is not a good thing to do at all, you are your own person and judging yourself by her standards will only make you unhappy and worried about how you're matching up. The best thing you can do is, if he still has feelings for her, distance yourself to minimize getting hurt yourself (speaking from experience.) Stay friends if you think you can, but don't let him take advantage of your feelings for him. And maybe you might find someone who's more available that could make you much happier :smile:

Reply 10

Chicken.M.

Damn hope I don't end up like that guy.

Reply 11

MrsSheldonCooper

Original post by Anonymous

Yeah ,you're right, I know. It just puzzles me how he still does after 2 years, especially since she was apparently awful to him! But yeah, I know there's notihng I can do about it.

A lot of the time, people take for granted of all the good qualities their other half had when they were together. I guess maybe he still isn't used to the idea that they aren't together anymore.