Boyfriend shoved me

My boyfriend of almost 3 years saw a text from an old boyfriend on my phone a few days ago and he got really angry. I tried to explain that it was innocent, but he wasn't having it. Anyway, for those of you who don't know, carnival is today and I planned to go with a friend. I was going to go with my boyfriend but he has work. Anyway, he's staying with me at my house and as I was getting ready, he decided that he's not comfortable with me going anymore especially since he wouldn't be there with me. I told him that I'm going anyway and he took my car keys. I tried to take them from him and we were sort of wrestling for it. I grabbed them from him and he shoved me against a wall and I hit my head. He then took the keys from me again. I told him to get out of my house. He did so, and he took my car with him. This all happened only a couple of hours ago. Since then, he's called me numerous times apologising but I'm still so shocked. I told him to bring my car back and he's on his way.

This has never happened before, he's never laid a finger on me and now I'm fearful that he'll get more violent over time. I don't even know what to say to him when he gets here. What should I do?

Reply 1

the bear

20

assault and battery is a criminal offence. taking and driving away a car without permission is also a felony.

call the cops.

Reply 2

maccaism

11

Original post by Anonymous

My boyfriend of almost 3 years saw a text from an old boyfriend on my phone a few days ago and he got really angry. I tried to explain that it was innocent, but he wasn't having it. Anyway, for those of you who don't know, carnival is today and I planned to go with a friend. I was going to go with my boyfriend but he has work. Anyway, he's staying with me at my house and as I was getting ready, he decided that he's not comfortable with me going anymore especially since he wouldn't be there with me. I told him that I'm going anyway and he took my car keys. I tried to take them from him and we were sort of wrestling for it. I grabbed them from him and he shoved me against a wall and I hit my head. He then took the keys from me again. I told him to get out of my house. He did so, and he took my car with him. This all happened only a couple of hours ago. Since then, he's called me numerous times apologising but I'm still so shocked. I told him to bring my car back and he's on his way.

This has never happened before, he's never laid a finger on me and now I'm fearful that he'll get more violent over time. I don't even know what to say to him when he gets here. What should I do?

I'm sorry that's happened, but dump him.
It's better to be safe then sorry. There is no excuse.

Reply 3

Zeus007

6

I would advise you to not contact him again, this is known as a controlling relationship and you do not want to be in such a relationship . Over a text over 3 years old? How insecure is he? Once you leave him i'm sure he will try to stalk you and harass you, that's how those kind of people are.

Reply 4

doodle_333

19

Personally I think violence = end of relationship. If you let him continue you are sending a message that this can happen again because there are no consequences... What has happened here is that he has been extremely paranoid (trying to stop you going to the carnival with a friend) which is totally not right by itself, plus he has attempted to physically take your car keys away to stop you, then he has totally lost his temper and pushed you... and once that happened it didn't even shock him into thinking 'oh god what have I done' he just left you there - potentially injured. I know it's tough to end a long term relationship but this sort of inability to control his temper isn't going to just disappear and it's possible that it could be set off again at any moment, you don't want that and you also don't want to be living on eggshells trying to stop it happening.

Reply 5

sund1ata

7

Canary in the coal mine. Bad sign, won't end well! You have been warned.

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 6

Kevin De Bruyne

21

I felt a bit sick after A. he shoved you into a wall and B. he took your car.

On second thought I would not take any risks. Have a friend or family member there to protect if you necessary and/or call the police - I think he can be arrested for doing both of those things and maybe that's worth doing.

(edited 7 years ago)

Reply 7

Charles III

21

Oh OP...

I'm so sorry this happened to you. Get him gone. ASAP. Please don't let him back into your life. Nobody should hurt anyone like that. Especially if you're in a relationship.

It really might be worth calling the Police too.

(edited 7 years ago)

Reply 8

joey11223

20

Original post by iEthan

It really might be worth calling the Police too.

Although I pretty much agree with the consensus I would say this might be a bit extreme a response.

They have had a row about texts from an ex-boyfriend, in his anger he has taken her keys and she has tried to wrestle them from him, resulting in him shoving her away. I doubt his intent was for her to hit her head (and I assume it wasn't a serious injury) when he pushed her away. Albeit obviously he has stolen car so that is more something I'd look at if she wanted to report him for something.

Obviously she can involve the police, but I'm imagining she just wants to get him out of her life...if she takes the stance others here have.

Anyway OP...

If you are wanting to end the relationship you don't have to tell him face to face when he comes over to apologies if you fear it could result in a violent reaction, say you need space/time to think, then tell him from a distance (call). Have you felt any signs of domineering behavior during these 3 years? I won't defend his actions, but if this outburst seems highly out of character he may well not "more violent", but obviously it isn't a risk most people would want to take.

Reply 9

Zakriah

13

You don't want to live your life wondering when the next time he becomes violent will be. You also don't want to second guess every decision you make in fear of how your boyfriend would react. These two points would make you want to ditch him. The reason he was violent was due to the jealousy that arose from the arrival of your ex. Now does that jealousy extend to all men you speak to or just your ex. If it is the latter, then perhaps i wouldn't rush to end the relationship but if it is the former, then that could turn into a very abusive relationship. The decision is yours but be mindful of the points i raised. Stay safe

Reply 10

Claire461

21

It starts with verbal. Then it's a shove. Then it's a punch and a kick. See him off sharpish.

Reply 11

Twinpeaks

18

He shoved you, causing you to hit your head. Disgusting. But what might offer some slight leeway for forgiveness (and I mean very slight) would be if he suddenly realised what he did, and became instantly apologetic and upset at his disgraceful actions.

But no, he proceeded to take your car, and drive away. And then only later, did he feel any shed of remorse. That is completely and utterly inexcusable. I wouldn't even look back at him.

It's not even as if he had a genuine reason for being angry, he was jealous and insecure and controlling. Which is symptomatic enough of unhealthy behaviour. And then his subsequent actions are simply the nail in the coffin.

Leave him and don't look back, before he makes your life hell. Listen to the warning signs, they aren't even subtle.

Reply 12

ANM775

20

Original post by the bear

assault and battery is a criminal offence. taking and driving away a car without permission is also a felony.

call the cops.

I've never hit a woman, but pushing someone against a wall doesn't sound like Assult and battery to me.

Yes he shouldn't of done it, but I think it's getting blown a bit out of proportion here. and tbh ... I wonder if a guy had made a topic saying his gf slapped him during an agrument if people would be saying to call the cops etc etc...

the OP's bf's intentions when he pushed her was not to cause her to hit her head. He just wanted the key's and amoungst the struggle things went a bit too far.

It's not like he intentionally meant to injure her head.

If I was a woman i'd give him one more chance...

Reply 13

claireestelle

22

Original post by ANM775

I've never hit a woman, but pushing someone against a wall doesn't sound like Assult and battery to me.

Yes he shouldn't of done it, but I think it's getting blown a bit out of proportion here. and tbh ... I wonder if a guy had made a topic saying his gf slapped him during an agrument if people would be saying to call the cops etc etc...

the OP's bf's intentions when he pushed her was not to cause her to hit her head. He just wanted the key's and amoungst the struggle things went a bit too far.

It's not like he intentionally meant to injure her head.

If I was a woman i'd give him one more chance...

Isnt assault not measured on just their intentions but the actual harm caused also. Why should a woman give some who shows any violence towards someone and Knicks their car a second chance.

Reply 14

Napp

22

He assaults you and robs you of your car... I think you know what you should do.

Reply 15

AnnaRainbows

13

It seems like he's scared of losing you and doesn't know how to handle it. Perhaps he thought you'd be going to the carnival with your ex?

You should talk to him first and find out, running away from the problem won't do any good especially when you already invested quite a lot of time into the relationship.

Reply 16

username47781

20

Original post by Anonymous

My boyfriend of almost 3 years saw a text from an old boyfriend on my phone a few days ago and he got really angry. I tried to explain that it was innocent, but he wasn't having it. Anyway, for those of you who don't know, carnival is today and I planned to go with a friend. I was going to go with my boyfriend but he has work. Anyway, he's staying with me at my house and as I was getting ready, he decided that he's not comfortable with me going anymore especially since he wouldn't be there with me. I told him that I'm going anyway and he took my car keys. I tried to take them from him and we were sort of wrestling for it. I grabbed them from him and he shoved me against a wall and I hit my head. He then took the keys from me again. I told him to get out of my house. He did so, and he took my car with him. This all happened only a couple of hours ago. Since then, he's called me numerous times apologising but I'm still so shocked. I told him to bring my car back and he's on his way.

This has never happened before, he's never laid a finger on me and now I'm fearful that he'll get more violent over time. I don't even know what to say to him when he gets here. What should I do?

He sounds paranoid and controlling, I would get out seriously, no one should be getting pushed and assaulted in a relationship.

Reply 17

choleCcarknif3r

22

This sounds really bad, I'm sorry. Please just get out of that. See if someone can come round and be with you while he drops your car off and just ask him to leave. That kind of behaviour just isn't acceptable at all and you deserve infinitely better than that.

Reply 18

ANM775

20

Original post by claireestelle

Isnt assault not measured on just their intentions but the actual harm caused also. Why should a woman give some who shows any violence towards someone and Knicks their car a second chance.

The nicking her car was out of order, and technically a criminal act ...but then again so is your little brother stealing your favourite CD when you were a kid, or your best friend accidentally scratching up your playstation disc you lent him and refusing to give you money for it when you ask. Or you kid sister deliberately stealing and eating your last cornetto that you bought and paid for

Are you really gonna call the Police?

She knew he wasn't gonna trash it or anything and that mostly like he would return it.

and intentions count. If someone shoves into me hard, their initial Intentions determines whether or not I react to it. If it was an honest mistake ..then fair enough ..i'm still gonna be pissed but probably not make a bit fuss. If it was deliberate then at the very least we are going to have words about it ...and it may even escalate beyond that.

The guy shouldn't have shoved her. ..but At the end of the day, the guy did not intend for her to injure herself like that.

Reply 19

Zeeiqbal

11

It's his fault, he should have trusted you in the first place. There's no relationship when there's no trust. Leave him. I know it isn't easy but it's gonna hurt you more in the long run if you stay with him. Just tell him you need your space.

Posted from TSR Mobile

Boyfriend shoved me

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