Boyfriend shoved me

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Jesus, people are overreacting; sure dump him or whatever but don't call the police. Pushing someone is hardly assault, I really don't imagine he intended to hurt you and he's apologised profusely.

Obviously if it happens again then do something more extreme, but I really don't think it's potentially worth ruining Simons life over a push in anger. The car thing was a dick move, however.

Reply 41

Terminator01

I think you should leave him and let it be. You also did the wrong thing by texting your ex behind his back, but obviously what he did was worse. Calling the police as some people have suggested is out of line here lol!!! but do what YOU think is right , not what other people are telling you to do.

Reply 42

AnnaRainbows

Original post by WBZ144

I'm sorry but we all get upset and we all get jealous, that does NOT in any way make violence and theft forgivable. "Running away from the problem" suggests that they were both wrong and need to work on their relationship. Running away from what has the hallmarks of an abusive relationship is perfectly reasonable.

I agree with you, I just don't see the situation in black or white. They've been together for 3 years, I think the girl at least deserves an explanation for some closure. It just seemed like the heat-of-the-moment type of incident, the guy obviously handled the situation wrong, any of that could've been prevented if he just controlled his emotions. OP also mentioned that this is the first time it even happened... Maybe he was simply having a bad day and it led to this? I don't know. And it's not for me to decide :smile:

Reply 43

Hopefully1

Original post by Hopefully1

We can all agree that he crossed a line with his angry outburst but I agree with this poster completely. I would say the exact thing. I would add this though. You've known your boyfriend longer than anyone and you've said that he's never behaved in such a manner. I agree that your boyfriend sounds controlling in this situation but what is left unclear is the nature of the text with the ex. that caused this reaction. Was it still on your phone from 3 yrs ago or was it new? Has he ever been given a reason to worry about your behavior when you're out? No, he shouldn't have shoved you and no he shouldn't have taken your car. Not sure at this point you should press charges but that is up to you. If your boyfriend is not one to normally behave in that manner as you've said what made him snap? Are all his positive actions from the past 3 years negated over his actions from today. Only you can decide that. But, I'm wondering (and perhaps I'm wrong) if that was a new next from the ex and that there was discussion of meeting - or something along this lines - that made your bf go off. That DOES NOT excuse shoving and taking your car. I would consider what lead him to that unusual reaction, from what you said, before you leave him with an assault charge on his record.

Just reread original post.... he read the text several days ago. Sorry, I thought he read the text and thought you were meeting the ex. His overall reaction is quite controlling. Is his controlling manner a repeating pattern - regardless of shoving? If the answer is yes, then he's taken the next step in trying to be in control. If he has acted overly controlling in the past then you need to move on from this relationship. If this was totally new behavior, which you said, then you need to consider what set him off. Only you have the answer and ultimately you're going to have to step back then think about what happened from an objective stance, if possible, and decide what you want from the relationship or if it is time to move on. You need to weigh in the last 3 years as well. Relationships are complicated and are certainly not all peaches and cream - even good ones have rough patches.

Reply 44

Anonymous #2

i think violence, along with cheating and emotional abuse, are things that shouldn't be tolerated in a relationship - if someone loves and trusts you then you should be able to go to carnival - my boyfriend didn't care that i went. i wouldn't forgive him if he hurt me and took my car

Reply 45

999tigger

Original post by Anonymous

My boyfriend of almost 3 years saw a text from an old boyfriend on my phone a few days ago and he got really angry. I tried to explain that it was innocent, but he wasn't having it. Anyway, for those of you who don't know, carnival is today and I planned to go with a friend. I was going to go with my boyfriend but he has work. Anyway, he's staying with me at my house and as I was getting ready, he decided that he's not comfortable with me going anymore especially since he wouldn't be there with me. I told him that I'm going anyway and he took my car keys. I tried to take them from him and we were sort of wrestling for it. I grabbed them from him and he shoved me against a wall and I hit my head. He then took the keys from me again. I told him to get out of my house. He did so, and he took my car with him. This all happened only a couple of hours ago. Since then, he's called me numerous times apologising but I'm still so shocked. I told him to bring my car back and he's on his way.

This has never happened before, he's never laid a finger on me and now I'm fearful that he'll get more violent over time. I don't even know what to say to him when he gets here. What should I do?

Meh i just typed out a long post and pc crashed.

1. Characteristics by him.selfishness jealousy insecurity and lack of trust all toxic
2. later characteristics controlling, unreliable, aggressive, physical poyentially violent.
3. 3 years is a long time.
4. suggest time out 2-4 weeks no contact so you cna have space and decide how you feel.
5. Be wary of apologies. Talk is cheap. Watch out for crying and him saying he loves you. If he loved you he wouldnt have done what he did. Talk is CHEAP. Dont fall for the tears.
6. During the period of no contact assess whether he has
i) Understood what he did wrong.
ii) Appreciates what his actions say about the relationship.
iii) His willingness to apologise by doing something about the situation and build fences. That means addressing the issues amybe anger management counseling. You can tell a lot by what he is willing to do and if he is prepared to get off his backside.
iv) assuming you havent dumped him and hes complied with all the above then you need significant effort over time to start letting him back in and trusting him.
7. In the event he failes on these steps, then the relationship doesnt matter as much and he isnt prepared to make an effort. I would suggest calling it a day and finding someone else who doesnt have these flaws, is non violent, non controlling, trusts you and you cna generally have a more healthy relatuibship with.

Lost post was better, but this will do. The above is a balanced response and gives you a chance of making a fair decision and allows him to still make amends. ofc his unwillingness tork at the relationship is a good sign he isnt really bothered and should justify you even more than its over.

Reply 46

Pedrex

Hey you probably won't listen to me as everyone else has commented. But..this is the first time he has done something like this. And also, he did it as he was being protective over you :smile:

give him one more chance, its a new experience for both of you.don't dump him!

Reply 47

BKS

Original post by Pedrex

Hey you probably won't listen to me as everyone else has commented. But..this is the first time he has done something like this. And also, he did it as he was being protective over you :smile:

give him one more chance, its a new experience for both of you.don't dump him!

Protective= I'm hurting you for your own good

So not ok

Reply 48

username1884577

It's totally up to you how you handle this situation, so I can't really offer you advice - but I really hope everything gets sorted and wish you all the best sweet :h:

Reply 49

*pitseleh*

Original post by Pedrex

Hey you probably won't listen to me as everyone else has commented. But..this is the first time he has done something like this. And also, he did it as he was being protective over you :smile:

give him one more chance, its a new experience for both of you.don't dump him!

This is extremely naïve. 'Being protective' =/= being violent towards someone you supposedly care about.

He may or may not do it again. The evidence overwhelmingly says that he will, and that next time will be worse. Staying with him on the comparatively small chance that this will never happen again is simply not worth the risk.*

OP: leave now, and don't look back.*

Reply 50

tengentoppa

Original post by ANM775

I've never hit a woman, but pushing someone against a wall doesn't sound like Assult and battery to me.

Yes he shouldn't of done it, but I think it's getting blown a bit out of proportion here. and tbh ... I wonder if a guy had made a topic saying his gf slapped him during an agrument if people would be saying to call the cops etc etc...

the OP's bf's intentions when he pushed her was not to cause her to hit her head. He just wanted the key's and amoungst the struggle things went a bit too far.

It's not like he intentionally meant to injure her head.

If I was a woman i'd give him one more chance...

Original post by The Wavefunction

Jesus, people are overreacting; sure dump him or whatever but don't call the police. Pushing someone is hardly assault, I really don't imagine he intended to hurt you and he's apologised profusely.Obviously if it happens again then do something more extreme, but I really don't think it's potentially worth ruining Simons life over a push in anger. The car thing was a dick move, however.

It doesn't matter what you think constitutes assault or battery, what matters is the legal definition. Assault is defined as intentionally or recklessly causing the victim to apprehend immediate unlawful personal violence. Battery is defined as the unlawful application of force by the defendant upon the victim.

The OP's boyfriend fulfils the requirements for both assault and battery. If it went to court, he would almost definitely be charged.

Original post by claireestelle

Isnt assault not measured on just their intentions but the actual harm caused also. Why should a woman give some who shows any violence towards someone and Knicks their car a second chance.

Just quoting you on this because you made a query about assault. See above

Original post by Pedrex

Hey you probably won't listen to me as everyone else has commented. But..this is the first time he has done something like this. And also, he did it as he was being protective over you :smile:

give him one more chance, its a new experience for both of you.don't dump him!

That's a bloody ridiculously stupid thing to say. He was being insecure and controlling. Bang out of order and can't be dismissed as being protective.

Reply 51

Elastichedgehog

Sounds like he may have anger problems. I'm sorry you had to go through this. If you don't feel safe with him I would suggest ending it. What he did was wrong but it was done out of insecurity and irrationality, has he acted like this in the past? Maybe he could talk to someone about it? If that would make you feel better (should you continue seeing him). This is difficult because obviously none of us know him.

I'm not defending him, he never should have done that, accident or not. Talk to someone if you don't feel safe, and consider where you want to take the relationship.

Stay safe :smile:

Reply 52

Anonymous #1

Original post by Hopefully1

I don't know what you would classify as controlling. He doesn't approve of me having male friends, that's really about it. Also, he has a habit of constantly texting me when i'm out with friends but if I stayed home, I wouldn't really hear from him much.

Reply 53

999tigger

Original post by Anonymous

So whats happened or what have you decided?

Reply 54

Anonymous #1

Original post by 999tigger

So whats happened or what have you decided?

I'm still unsure. I still haven't spoken to him since it happened. I love him but I'm afraid

Reply 55

Anonymous #3

Not controlling... She opens up to more entrants than Alton Towers.
Controlling... You're the worst human in history and should seek help.

Women are funny.

Boyfriend is a cock for laying a hand on you. < Red Flag

Keeping texts off an ex for three years/texts an ex after three years ? < Red Flag

No trust = Relationship bust.

Reply 56

sleepysnooze

oh my god
you think texting an ex is ever "okay" when you're with somebody else? how dence is that?
I mean, what were you and your ex before you were together? "friends"? obviously that's how it starts and restarts.
besides, guys and girls can't be "just friends" in the first place - at least not in the adult world. maybe in the child world, but not in the grown up world. have you ever heard of an 80 year old who had a life long "best friend" with a member of the opposite sex? lol

(edited 7 years ago)

Reply 57

Anonymous #1

Original post by sleepysnooze

I know it wasn't okay to text my ex, and I apologised for it. I let him read the entire conversation (which was 100% innocent) and I thought we moved passed it. Then he brought it up again today and tried to use it a reason why I shouldn't go to carnival, which was pathetic

Reply 58

joey11223

This has made me ponder a couple of things...

If a man has in the past had some sort of altercation with a girl which resulted in him shoving her against a wall and then throwing her out of a room, would people warn future partners not to take the risk and leave them?

Then secondly, if a girl slapped their boyfriend or pushed them hard during an argument, should the guy end the relationship on that scenario occurring years into a relationship?

Reply 59

tengentoppa

Original post by sleepysnooze

Alternatively, how insecure must the boyfriend have been to fly off the handle just because his girlfriend of 3 years had an innocent conversation with her ex boyfriend? It's completely pathetic to have that little faith in your partner's fidelity, and in your ability to keep your girlfriend.

And plenty of adults have female friends. It comes with the maturity of not feeling the need to stick your Clinton into every Dolly, Gennifer and Monica who you meet.