Boyfriend shoved me

Just seems obvious to me that his intent was to get at the keys.
I seriously don't think he meant to hurt her.

The OP said he went for the keys and they started struggling. During the struggle she then got pushed into a wall and banged her head. It seems like things were pretty heated before the struggle, perhaps that's why he just bailed without checking on her head first.

You said he didn't care. but eventually he came back crying and with flowers. Sounds like he may have cared to me. Was this an act? were his tears fake? ....

and no I don't think his behavior was acceptable, but as this is the first time it has happened [they've been together 3+ years] and as imo he did not intend to injure her ....I would perhaps give the guy a second chance.

and comparing a brother/sister or stealing stuff off you/friend damaging your property to a bf deliberately taking your car without permission from you was meant to convey that although what the brother/sister/friend did was technically a crime ....you probably wouldn't take it as far as the police due to the fact you actually know them.

If for example a random stranger stole your CD, most people would report that.
If for example your kid Sister stole your CD very few people would report that.

Her car got taken without permission, - technically it's a crime
but some random stranger didn't do it, it was her bf.

Yes!!

You clearly are a strong woman, I feel relieved

What's wrong with her going to the carnival?

If its the carnival that just went past (nottinghill) then I'd say its not an environment that anyone in a relationship should be in. Its literally a bunch of people getting super drunk and dancing (or grinding basically) on strangers.

You are continuously making unfounded assumptions to support the guy. So now he only shoved her as a tool to get her keys, and that makes it acceptable?

So now he didn't look back to see if she was hurt because he simply wanted the keys? Or are you suggesting he was entirely oblivious to the fact that he hurt her?

You do realise that in every abusive relationship the person apologises for their actions later on? That's what causes the victim to return time and time again, and you are actively encouraging that.

He might be apologising because he's genuinely remorseful that he caused her pain and stole her car. Or he might be apologising and crying because he's remorseful for himself, because he ****ed up, and potentially ruined a very good thing he had.

Either way it's irrelevant. Feeling remorse hours after you caused someone pain and suffering is not acceptable. Because the next time you are in an angry state, it's likely again, you won't care for the suffering you cause. Like I said, if he was immediately sorry and remorseful and upset, I'd give him more leeway. But the fact that he was only remorseful hours later when the anger dissipated, is a warning sign.


No no no you are missing the point. It's not whether a friend or stranger stole the CD that people are taking issue with. It's the pettiness of the theft of a CD. You should use a more comparable example, or just stick with the car....

I wouldn't report it if a friend stole my CD, I probably wouldn't report it if a random stranger somehow managed to steal my CD. Because a CD is less than a ****ing fiver and far less important than a car....!

I would report it if a stranger stole my car, and I'd also report it if a FRIEND stole my car.

You are basically diminishing the importance of the guy stealing her car, to the level of a friend nicking a CD.
You are attempting to diminish the seriousness of his car theft, to diminish the seriousness of his behaviour.

Why?

If its the carnival that just went past (nottinghill) then I'd say its not an environment that anyone in a relationship should be in. Its literally a bunch of people getting super drunk and dancing (or grinding basically) on strangers.

It's up to her whether or not she gives him a second chance but I wouldn't. It's very scary, how easy an unsuspecting person can fall into an abusive relationship. Since he did it once and seems to be remorseful, I would not try to sabotage any future relationships he has but would still keep well away.

I think it's too soon to brand this guy "abusive",
In 3 years this is the only incident, and it was a shove.

I don't think if he was truly an abusive person with abusive tendencies she would have gone a whole 3 years without incident.

Abusers tend to be on their best behavior at the start of the relationship then like 3-6 months in the abuse starts and they start to show their true colors.

And if you think stealing a CD is not taken seriously by people then walk into your local HMV, pick up a Justin Beiber Album or something in plain view of a member of staff and then walk out the shop with it. See if they just brush it off, see if they tell their security guard to just "let it go" because it's only some cheap CD and the franchise makes Millions of pounds profit each year. See if they don't detain you in their office whilst they call the police.

If its the carnival that just went past (nottinghill) then I'd say its not an environment that anyone in a relationship should be in. Its literally a bunch of people getting super drunk and dancing (or grinding basically) on strangers.

This really saddens me. I still want him and I have no idea what to do. I haven't told anyone about the incident because my friends/family all really like him and I don't want to paint him in a bad light, because I know he's not a bad person

I understand what you're saying but I know how to behave when I'm in a relationship. Would you say that people in relationships shouldn't go to parties without their partner?

My boyfriend of almost 3 years saw ...BLAH!

he shoved me against a wall and I hit my head. He then took the keys from me again. I told him to get out of my house. He did so, and he took my car with him.

This has never happened before, he's never laid a finger on me and now I'm fearful that he'll get more violent over time. I don't even know what to say to him when he gets here. What should I do?

This really saddens me. I still want him and I have no idea what to do. I haven't told anyone about the incident because my friends/family all really like him and I don't want to paint him in a bad light, because I know he's not a bad person

It would never be acceptable to attempt to sabotage his future relationships, unless perhaps it was serious abuse (and even then I'm not sure it's right - what are you going to do, follow his relationship status until he dies?), but certainly not for a shove or slap out-the-blue, regardless of whether they are remorseful or not.

I don't know what you would classify as controlling. He doesn't approve of me having male friends, that's really about it. Also, he has a habit of constantly texting me when i'm out with friends but if I stayed home, I wouldn't really hear from him much.

Alternatively, how insecure must the boyfriend have been to fly off the handle just because his girlfriend of 3 years had an innocent conversation with her ex boyfriend? It's completely pathetic to have that little faith in your partner's fidelity, and in your ability to keep your girlfriend.

And plenty of adults have female friends. It comes with the maturity of not feeling the need to stick your Clinton into every Dolly, Gennifer and Monica who you meet.

As soon as he is violent to you and you let him off he will be an abuser,
Don't let this happen,

There is NO reason for a man to ever hit a woman, and only the weakest men do it, so save yourself the trouble and find a new man,

That's normal and acceptable.



Er... Not insecure at all. Who the heck talks to their ex while in a relationship? That's completely disrespectful and inappropriate.


And OP while I can understand that he wasn't okay with you going to carnival as he probably thought you might end up doing something shady (texting your ex would really hurt his faith in your faithfulness), he should defo have not pushed you.