A question on virginity

YES A COMPLETE MAN WHO WRITES : "Are women at all picky about guys being virgins? I lost my virginity to my abusive ex and don't want it to haunt me for the rest of my life, so I want to know how it will affect anyone's perception of me. "

You have to be joking. Please tell me this is a joke and i'll happily laugh with you over a beer

What is a real or complete man in your view.

I wont say too much, i'll just state the main things: Confident, focused on his career goals, doesn't give a **** what people think of think and doesn't need affirmation from other people, emotionally stoic ( google stoic if you don't know) or void, never makes excuses, decisive, assertive, never apologises for things not in his control, doesn't seek attention and he's selfish.
He is aware of abundance mentality - there are girls everywhere. He should never be make one girl the centre of his world. No one is special. There is no such thing as a soulmate. 3.5 billion girls out there.
Not desperate for women to complete him and in fact is not desperate for anything.

I could say more but you get the picture.

some of that sounds like **** to me

Thank you

I wont say too much, i'll just state the main things: Confident, focused on his career goals, doesn't give a **** what people think of think and doesn't need affirmation from other people, emotionally stoic or void, never makes excuses, decisive, assertive, never apologises for things not in his control, doesn't seek attention and he's selfish.
He is aware of abundance mentality - there are girls everywhere. He should never be make one girl the centre of his world. No one is special. There is no such thing as a soulmate. 3.5 billion girls out there.
Not desperate for women to complete him and in fact is not desperate for anything.

I could say more but you get the picture.

I asked for your definition of a man, not of masculinity. In my view, a man has balance between femininity and masculinity. If I were, for example, to completely disregard my emotions, I would be removing my feminine side and acting contrary to my sense of self. Naturally, I have femininity because I'm a human with regular sex hormones.

I understand the need for masculinity in the sense that you're trying to **** as much as possible to get as many kids as possible in a really raw and primal way. But how does that satisfy your emotional needs? Everyone has them, just to different extents. If you're not embracing your needs, experimenting with them or whatever how are you ever going to know what you need to feel happy? You're glorifying this primal hyper-masculine man and worshipping his power to fulfil your primal desires. You're stunting emotional growth by acting like an immature teenager. I agree that soulmates don't exist, but I don't think that's a reason not to find someone you like for a long-term relationship. I agree that being dependent on someone, anyone, else for your happiness is a poor mindset but that's not inherent to being a man. Any healthy minded person is a complete person by themselves. From a biological standpoint, though, a long term relationship with someone is beneficial from an emotional and physical standing. A man should have no one at the centre of his world, not even himself. Your world should be everything that exists in your life.

"I asked for your definition of a man, not of masculinity." After reading that, there is no way I am to subject myself to trawling through the nonsensical dribble that would inevitably follow.

The only people I've encountered that are as obsessed with virginity are people on TSR tbh

Enjoy your fleeting sense of self while it lasts.

Evidently, you are not as insightful as me. Stop trying to say things that sound clever or witty.

Stick to your whinny posts about girls caring whether you're a virgin or not.

From this moment on, any reply of yours is going to my junk mail.

In my view, a man has balance between femininity and masculinity. If I were, for example, to completely disregard my emotions, I would be removing my feminine side and acting contrary to my sense of self. Naturally, I have femininity because I'm a human with regular sex hormones.

Are women at all picky about guys being virgins? I lost my virginity to my abusive ex and don't want it to haunt me for the rest of my life, so I want to know how it will affect anyone's perception of me.
EDIT: Bad question

Your question isn't vulnerable and you don't sound like a tool. If it's important to you or it's causing you to feel upset then it IS important and nobody should be trying to belittle your feelings.

Rooshv's post about what being a man is has nothing to do with you. It's his stereotypical emotionless male gender box that he seems pretty happy to trap himself in, but that doesn't mean he should be making you feel like you need to be the same.

Being a man is identifying as a man. That is it, basically. If you feel comfortable answering "yes" to the question "are you a man?" then you are a man. In my opinion, that's the criteria.

OP, your posts are wonderful and if I could rep every single one, I would.

As to your original post.
"Are women at all picky about guys being virgins?" - As always, these kind of things are painfully down to the individual. I think as we all age we grow accustomed to the idea that others of the same age and older most likely aren't virgins because by then we'll have all had more and more opportunities. Generally, when I chat to other women about this kind of thing, meeting a guy who is a virgin is always talked about like it's a shock. Meeting a guy and taking his virginity is deemed as something pretty big to some people, because they assume that men will typically be sleeping with people more so than women will. I don't really agree with this but, regardless, virgins are usually seen as this amazing special gem to find in a sea of people that have already been with someone else.

Personally? I think it's ********. Virginity is only as meaningful as you make it and if you lost it to someone you wish you hadn't, screw it. In my opinion, having sex for the first time is a painful, awkward and stressful thing (bearing in mind I'm female) and it all becomes irrelevant when you meet someone who you really click with sexually. You gave them your least impressive sexual experience and you'll be able to have much more fun with someone now you know what you're doing. A lot of people feel more comfortable sleeping with someone who has a bit of experience, so don't fret that you will be judged for not being a virgin. You most likely won't, but if you are you needn't bother with the person doing the judging.

Mainly, I'm really sorry to hear you had an abusive ex and that you have to deal with knowing you lost your virginity to them. I understand if despite my post, you still feel that this is really significant in some way. The best thing you can do is see it as experience under your belt, not just sexually, but relationship-wise and such as well. When sleeping with someone new in the future, hopefully someone you really want it to be, there will be moments of "I WISH I'd waited for you" and this will hurt. But it won't hurt you enough to overpower the wonderful feeling of being with someone you truly want to being with and feeling happy that you got to the right place in the end.

Someone who loves you won't care who you were with before, if anyone, they will love you and see your relationship as a clean slate. Just never compare the old to the new and you will hopefully be really happy.

I'm sorry if I rambled or haven't helped at all I wish you all the best.

You've helped, don't worry. I have a lot to think about that I haven't thought about before. I've been trying to spin the negative relationship into something positive, and I think I have somewhat. I think I'm growing from it and learning the behaviours to avoid, but I have learnt a lot about myself in the process at least.

Your question isn't vulnerable and you don't sound like a tool. If it's important to you or it's causing you to feel upset then it IS important and nobody should be trying to belittle your feelings.

Rooshv's post about what being a man is has nothing to do with you. It's his stereotypical emotionless male gender box that he seems pretty happy to trap himself in, but that doesn't mean he should be making you feel like you need to be the same.

Being a man is identifying as a man. That is it, basically. If you feel comfortable answering "yes" to the question "are you a man?" then you are a man. In my opinion, that's the criteria.

OP, your posts are wonderful and if I could rep every single one, I would.

As to your original post.
"Are women at all picky about guys being virgins?" - As always, these kind of things are painfully down to the individual. I think as we all age we grow accustomed to the idea that others of the same age and older most likely aren't virgins because by then we'll have all had more and more opportunities. Generally, when I chat to other women about this kind of thing, meeting a guy who is a virgin is always talked about like it's a shock. Meeting a guy and taking his virginity is deemed as something pretty big to some people, because they assume that men will typically be sleeping with people more so than women will. I don't really agree with this but, regardless, virgins are usually seen as this amazing special gem to find in a sea of people that have already been with someone else.

Personally? I think it's ********. Virginity is only as meaningful as you make it and if you lost it to someone you wish you hadn't, screw it. In my opinion, having sex for the first time is a painful, awkward and stressful thing (bearing in mind I'm female) and it all becomes irrelevant when you meet someone who you really click with sexually. You gave them your least impressive sexual experience and you'll be able to have much more fun with someone now you know what you're doing. A lot of people feel more comfortable sleeping with someone who has a bit of experience, so don't fret that you will be judged for not being a virgin. You most likely won't, but if you are you needn't bother with the person doing the judging.

Mainly, I'm really sorry to hear you had an abusive ex and that you have to deal with knowing you lost your virginity to them. I understand if despite my post, you still feel that this is really significant in some way. The best thing you can do is see it as experience under your belt, not just sexually, but relationship-wise and such as well. When sleeping with someone new in the future, hopefully someone you really want it to be, there will be moments of "I WISH I'd waited for you" and this will hurt. But it won't hurt you enough to overpower the wonderful feeling of being with someone you truly want to being with and feeling happy that you got to the right place in the end.

Someone who loves you won't care who you were with before, if anyone, they will love you and see your relationship as a clean slate. Just never compare the old to the new and you will hopefully be really happy.

I'm sorry if I rambled or haven't helped at all I wish you all the best.

How disrespectful. If you're going to mention me, at least have the courtesy to tag or quote me. How can you say it has nothing to do with him when he is the one that asked me.

Good to know you recognised that your post can be deemed to being a mere 'ramble'.