Life is an unending nightmare. I cant even articulate just how relentlessly horrific existing is. I'm not exaggerating or just focusing on the bad when I say drama, trouble and bad news follow me everywhere. Nothing ever ever goes my way. I was saying this to my support worker and even she agrees that it's a constant stream of badness in my life. I applied for ESA in May and still not even had an assessment date. I have no money. I got rejected by PIP which quite frankly takes the piss. I cant go out, staff are having to cook my meals, i'm doing nothing except pacing around the garden in an absolute state all day. My niece died completely unexpectedly last week too. Don't even know how I feel about that. Not sure have processed it. Basically it feels like my head is in a vice and so is my heart. I cant think straight, I am just hurting. The agitation and sleeplessness and night terrors and flashbacks and depression and food issues are just on another level.