My parents wont let me move out for university...
A bit about myself. im a guy. turning 18 very very soon. generally did well academically. i also come from a low income family... so uni wasnt really an option at first and moving out definitely wasnt...im applying to uni for 2017 entry..Compsci....
my choices were: Oxford, Imperial, Durham, Warwick, Bristol.
now i went to a bunch of summer schoolls to these unis and my parents raised their eyebrows but didnt say much when i did go... and i thought it was all good and dandy and that id have a normal situation like other people where you apply to the Unis that have a good course and unis that you like. this was not the case. it is now september and want to apply to uni soon... when asking my parents if I could attend open days..they said No to all the universities i proposed claiming they were too far from home and that I couldnt afford to move out.
so the two issues
1. financing - first off student finance. Im predicted a 60 to 70k debt by the end of my 4 years at Uni... this is a ridiculous amount... all of it will be covered by loans.. but the debt on my head will be huge and it increases by interest. also my parents are fairly religious so we want to make sure we pay off our debt before it gets written off... which is in how many years sorry? parents want me to avoid "unnecessary" debt of Maintenance loan when i can stay at home (avoiding that debt) and go to what they consider a "perfectly good" university that is local and commutable. this university is very far down in the league tables... and being predicted 4A*s.. i feel like im wasting my life.. not being arrogant but.. i dont want to work hard to end up at a uni when i can coast through my a levels and end up at the same uni... but theres that
2. distance - this is the big one.. i cant go to any of these unis becausr theyre too far. but if you look at Uni league tables these are top unis. im predicted 4 A*s next year.... but my parents want me to go local because i "avoid unncessary debt" and also because they wont be able to reach me if anything happens.. apparently.. and i wont be able to come home often... and itll cost a lot to come home because train tickets are expensive as hell.
these are the main reasons at least. there are more.. im working on it.. but atm it doesnt look good.. theyve threatened to disown me if i take matters into my own hands and leave home. but i want to move out. ive lived in the same house my whole life and ill just be watching as my friends experience life.. .. any advice would be appreciated
my choices were: Oxford, Imperial, Durham, Warwick, Bristol.
now i went to a bunch of summer schoolls to these unis and my parents raised their eyebrows but didnt say much when i did go... and i thought it was all good and dandy and that id have a normal situation like other people where you apply to the Unis that have a good course and unis that you like. this was not the case. it is now september and want to apply to uni soon... when asking my parents if I could attend open days..they said No to all the universities i proposed claiming they were too far from home and that I couldnt afford to move out.
so the two issues
1. financing - first off student finance. Im predicted a 60 to 70k debt by the end of my 4 years at Uni... this is a ridiculous amount... all of it will be covered by loans.. but the debt on my head will be huge and it increases by interest. also my parents are fairly religious so we want to make sure we pay off our debt before it gets written off... which is in how many years sorry? parents want me to avoid "unnecessary" debt of Maintenance loan when i can stay at home (avoiding that debt) and go to what they consider a "perfectly good" university that is local and commutable. this university is very far down in the league tables... and being predicted 4A*s.. i feel like im wasting my life.. not being arrogant but.. i dont want to work hard to end up at a uni when i can coast through my a levels and end up at the same uni... but theres that
2. distance - this is the big one.. i cant go to any of these unis becausr theyre too far. but if you look at Uni league tables these are top unis. im predicted 4 A*s next year.... but my parents want me to go local because i "avoid unncessary debt" and also because they wont be able to reach me if anything happens.. apparently.. and i wont be able to come home often... and itll cost a lot to come home because train tickets are expensive as hell.
these are the main reasons at least. there are more.. im working on it.. but atm it doesnt look good.. theyve threatened to disown me if i take matters into my own hands and leave home. but i want to move out. ive lived in the same house my whole life and ill just be watching as my friends experience life.. .. any advice would be appreciated
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your life your decisions.
Original post by Angry Bird
your life your decisions.
thats how i see it. but i said that to them and they said youre wrong and if its not a decision they approve with... they said theyd probably disown me.. i cant think of anything else they can do to be fair... and though the implications of that are huge.. and idk if i want to be disowned.. id rather not? but if i have to be.. maybe i will.
Original post by Someboady
thats how i see it. but i said that to them and they said youre wrong and if its not a decision they approve with... they said theyd probably disown me.. i cant think of anything else they can do to be fair... and though the implications of that are huge.. and idk if i want to be disowned.. id rather not? but if i have to be.. maybe i will.
are you south asian?
Let them disown you. Do what's best for you.
Original post by Angry Bird
are you south asian?
er.. yeah .. i wouldve thoight that was a given from the situation... xD
Original post by Mr Moon Man
Let them disown you. Do what's best for you.
anything less.. "jumping the gun'? id rather not be disowned.. ? anything i can do to help the situation?
Man I feel for you. Have you tried talking to your parents rationally, saying forfeiting a more prestigious uni will make employment harder for you? Maybe negotiate and compromise with them, saying you can apply to at least 2 far away unis and the rest local. They might think on it if you present a rational argument, saying the debts will be worthwhile in the long-term and you'll learn to manage.
Good luck
Good luck
Original post by Someboady
A bit about myself. im a guy. turning 18 very very soon. generally did well academically. i also come from a low income family... so uni wasnt really an option at first and moving out definitely wasnt...im applying to uni for 2017 entry..Compsci....
my choices were: Oxford, Imperial, Durham, Warwick, Bristol.
now i went to a bunch of summer schoolls to these unis and my parents raised their eyebrows but didnt say much when i did go... and i thought it was all good and dandy and that id have a normal situation like other people where you apply to the Unis that have a good course and unis that you like. this was not the case. it is now september and want to apply to uni soon... when asking my parents if I could attend open days..they said No to all the universities i proposed claiming they were too far from home and that I couldnt afford to move out.
so the two issues
1. financing - first off student finance. Im predicted a 60 to 70k debt by the end of my 4 years at Uni... this is a ridiculous amount... all of it will be covered by loans.. but the debt on my head will be huge and it increases by interest. also my parents are fairly religious so we want to make sure we pay off our debt before it gets written off... which is in how many years sorry? parents want me to avoid "unnecessary" debt of Maintenance loan when i can stay at home (avoiding that debt) and go to what they consider a "perfectly good" university that is local and commutable. this university is very far down in the league tables... and being predicted 4A*s.. i feel like im wasting my life.. not being arrogant but.. i dont want to work hard to end up at a uni when i can coast through my a levels and end up at the same uni... but theres that
2. distance - this is the big one.. i cant go to any of these unis becausr theyre too far. but if you look at Uni league tables these are top unis. im predicted 4 A*s next year.... but my parents want me to go local because i "avoid unncessary debt" and also because they wont be able to reach me if anything happens.. apparently.. and i wont be able to come home often... and itll cost a lot to come home because train tickets are expensive as hell.
these are the main reasons at least. there are more.. im working on it.. but atm it doesnt look good.. theyve threatened to disown me if i take matters into my own hands and leave home. but i want to move out. ive lived in the same house my whole life and ill just be watching as my friends experience life.. .. any advice would be appreciated
my choices were: Oxford, Imperial, Durham, Warwick, Bristol.
now i went to a bunch of summer schoolls to these unis and my parents raised their eyebrows but didnt say much when i did go... and i thought it was all good and dandy and that id have a normal situation like other people where you apply to the Unis that have a good course and unis that you like. this was not the case. it is now september and want to apply to uni soon... when asking my parents if I could attend open days..they said No to all the universities i proposed claiming they were too far from home and that I couldnt afford to move out.
so the two issues
1. financing - first off student finance. Im predicted a 60 to 70k debt by the end of my 4 years at Uni... this is a ridiculous amount... all of it will be covered by loans.. but the debt on my head will be huge and it increases by interest. also my parents are fairly religious so we want to make sure we pay off our debt before it gets written off... which is in how many years sorry? parents want me to avoid "unnecessary" debt of Maintenance loan when i can stay at home (avoiding that debt) and go to what they consider a "perfectly good" university that is local and commutable. this university is very far down in the league tables... and being predicted 4A*s.. i feel like im wasting my life.. not being arrogant but.. i dont want to work hard to end up at a uni when i can coast through my a levels and end up at the same uni... but theres that
2. distance - this is the big one.. i cant go to any of these unis becausr theyre too far. but if you look at Uni league tables these are top unis. im predicted 4 A*s next year.... but my parents want me to go local because i "avoid unncessary debt" and also because they wont be able to reach me if anything happens.. apparently.. and i wont be able to come home often... and itll cost a lot to come home because train tickets are expensive as hell.
these are the main reasons at least. there are more.. im working on it.. but atm it doesnt look good.. theyve threatened to disown me if i take matters into my own hands and leave home. but i want to move out. ive lived in the same house my whole life and ill just be watching as my friends experience life.. .. any advice would be appreciated
It gets written off after around 40 years. If you graduate from computer science, you'll be making plenty(especially at Imperial where the average salary after 6 months is £38,000). So that accounts for your beliefs. Can't really solve the problems of reaching you and train tickets tbh. Honestly, I doubt what they're saying is true, you're going away for 3/4 years and what, they're going to disown you? Not to mention the fact you're with them for a cumulative 3 months a year. It doesn't really make much sense in my mind. My parents want me to go away lol.
Tell them you're an adult and you're going as it's your decision. Any extra debt from going to those unis you've mentioned will be worth it in the long run due to the opportunities available to you.
No disrespect but them saying they can't reach you if needed is pathetic, everyone has a phone.
No disrespect but them saying they can't reach you if needed is pathetic, everyone has a phone.
Eff them, try your hardest to get into Oxford, when they see the prestige attached to it, they themselves will take you there
(I'm also south Asian, and my parents were also very *****y when I wanted to apply to Cambridge. Now I'm actually going there, they're not as much)
(I'm also south Asian, and my parents were also very *****y when I wanted to apply to Cambridge. Now I'm actually going there, they're not as much)
1 - the loan is big but consider it like a tax. You effectively pay for it from the rewards it gives you, and there's no time limit by which you have to pay it off. It's a necessary problem.
2 - see above for the comment about 'unnecessary debt'. As for reaching you 'if something happens', you're an adult, you can deal with things yourself, and if it's serious then they'll make the journey if need be. They claim they'll disown you but they're a ****ing terrible family if they'd disown you for just making the best you can out of your own life.
I'm fully in the camp for you taking the step to go away. Mould your own path through the world
2 - see above for the comment about 'unnecessary debt'. As for reaching you 'if something happens', you're an adult, you can deal with things yourself, and if it's serious then they'll make the journey if need be. They claim they'll disown you but they're a ****ing terrible family if they'd disown you for just making the best you can out of your own life.
I'm fully in the camp for you taking the step to go away. Mould your own path through the world
Original post by Lunch@Tiffany
Man I feel for you. Have you tried talking to your parents rationally, saying forfeiting a more prestigious uni will make employment harder for you? Maybe negotiate and compromise with them, saying you can apply to at least 2 far away unis and the rest local. They might think on it if you present a rational argument, saying the debts will be worthwhile in the long-term and you'll learn to manage.
Good luck
Good luck
thanks.. feeling pretty caged tbh. I spoke to them and I told them why moving out would be the best option for me.. but theyre very close minded and used my sisters who went to nearby unis and have been fairly successful respectively.. yeah im looking for a compromise... but i shouldnt have to do that... thats whats bugging me is that why do I have to change my plans to please them? i thought they mightve been more proud of a son who got into Durham uni or imperial uni... but heyo... they have valid points.. theyre just being close minded about it all..
Typical Asian parents, genuinely think some acute form of autism is built into their genes 
Believe me, moving away is much a learning experience as it is for fun; you'll learn to look after every aspect of your life near enough, learn to live with others, deal with people you'll come to dislike etc. It's kinda important for character development imo.
Let them disown you, when you're done with your highly desirable degree from a good Uni and making money, I bet my life they'll come crawling back "Oh we only wanted what's best for you" etc.
smhhh
Believe me, moving away is much a learning experience as it is for fun; you'll learn to look after every aspect of your life near enough, learn to live with others, deal with people you'll come to dislike etc. It's kinda important for character development imo.
Let them disown you, when you're done with your highly desirable degree from a good Uni and making money, I bet my life they'll come crawling back "Oh we only wanted what's best for you" etc.
smhhh
Original post by Someboady
thanks.. feeling pretty caged tbh. I spoke to them and I told them why moving out would be the best option for me.. but theyre very close minded and used my sisters who went to nearby unis and have been fairly successful respectively.. yeah im looking for a compromise... but i shouldnt have to do that... thats whats bugging me is that why do I have to change my plans to please them? i thought they mightve been more proud of a son who got into Durham uni or imperial uni... but heyo... they have valid points.. theyre just being close minded about it all..
Don't worry, I can empathise more than you'll believe, and I know what it's like being compared to other siblings. But sometimes (my mum in particular) will be really stubborn about something, then think on it, and realise the sense it what I was saying even if she takes her time. Don't give up on trying to convince your parents, at the end of the day it's your dream that matters and compromise is unfair but you can't really change your culture. What unis would they prefer you to go to? I mean, maybe if they're Russel group ones nearby, it's not the end of the world?
Help your parents understand your still going to be paying 9 grand a year whatever uni you go to so you may as use your money to go to the best uni you can get into.
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Original post by GradeA*UnderA
It gets written off after around 40 years. If you graduate from computer science, you'll be making plenty(especially at Imperial where the average salary after 6 months is £38,000). So that accounts for your beliefs. Can't really solve the problems of reaching you and train tickets tbh. Honestly, I doubt what they're saying is true, you're going away for 3/4 years and what, they're going to disown you? Not to mention the fact you're with them for a cumulative 3 months a year. It doesn't really make much sense in my mind. My parents want me to go away lol.
Yep theyve said that... ill be paying debt for a long time... And tbf its a LOT of debt.. i do agree with everything youve said...just trying to think about this pragmatically.. its all about whethrr theyll see sense in anything... to them all Universities are the same... its thr same degree wherever you go and apparently its not worth the added debt that comes with moving out
Original post by Someboady
Yep theyve said that... ill be paying debt for a long time... And tbf its a LOT of debt.. i do agree with everything youve said...just trying to think about this pragmatically.. its all about whethrr theyll see sense in anything... to them all Universities are the same... its thr same degree wherever you go and apparently its not worth the added debt that comes with moving out
Go on the website UNISTATS and show them the better stats for going to better unis for CompSci - eg Salary, employment rates etc. Surely they'll see sense then?
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