Flatmates parents are staying over a week! Is this allowed?

OP

Original post by doodle_333

Think of this as well: what happens if you have a boyfriend or friend stay over more than 2 nights yourself later in the year? Cos if you get her parents kicked out when they presumably can't pay for a hotel (if they could I doubt they'd want to sleep in your flat) then you can expect the same treatment from her anytime you have a guest. It's pretty normal to have guests stay more than the allowed time in halls, generally people do not make an issue of it unless it's genuinely affecting them in some way (e.g. they are keeping you up at night, stealing your food etc).

One of my flatmates had a parent stay over several days in freshers week. To be honest I didn't even realise as she never told us (I thought she lived nearby and popped in during the day), her mum knew we would be partying, she did a bit of cooking and cleaning in the day which made no difference to us (quite nice to have a cheese toasty made for you when you're hanging!) and at night she just went and sat in the bedroom and we didn't see her again. It made 0 difference to my freshers. People got drunk, were loud, brought people home - the parent obviously just accepted that those things would happen in freshers and nothing was said.

EDIT: and stop worrying about things which haven't happened. I highly doubt they can afford to fly back and forth to the UK but can't afford a hotel so I don't think it's likely to be a recurring issue at all. If you're worried about where they will sleep just ask your flatmate and explain you're worried about feeling awkward at pre drinks/getting breakfast and waking them up etc.

I wouldn't have my boyfriend stay over more than 2 days. How do we know they can't afford a hotel? That's either true or they are possibly just being cheap. Either way they have had months to plan this but surely 2 grown adults from a foreign country would not want to stay in a flat full of teenage girls and sleep on their floor/sofa for a week. I get that they will want to help her daughter settle in and buy the necessary things that she needs, but we all agree a week is taking the piss. We aren't allowed guest more than 2 days so why should the rules be different for her, everyone should be treated equally in my eyes. If it was just me who had an issue with them staying over then fair enough, but when its all of us that are not comfortable with them staying that long then I don't think its fair.

I understand that we can still go out and do whatever as they have no say but still you must understand that obviously having her parents stay will affect out behaviour. We think we are going to have to be mindful of them all the time etc and its just a bit of a buzzkill to be fair. The last thing I want is someones parents giving me a lecture in my own accommodation.

Reply 83

Original post by daniellee0

One of my flat mates is coming from abroad and she said her parents are going to stay in her room for a week. Is this even allowed? None of us feel comfortable about this and we don't understand why they need to stay a week and why they can't just get a hotel.

Is there anything we can do about this?

Just curious, how big is the room? I can't imagine them all sleeping in a single bed. Unless they sleep on top of each other... :colone:

Reply 84

Original post by Nottie

You can't expect to keep the flat completely men-free.

Do you share toilet and shower?

I wonder if OP is androphobic or something.

Reply 85

Original post by daniellee0

Yeah brining boys over fine but a grown man from another country who we know nothing about?

What makes you think that you will know more about the boys your flatmates will bring than you will about a particular father? If anything, the boys will be louder and messier than the father.

Reply 86

OP

Original post by Juichiro

I wonder if OP is androphobic or something.

I have no issue with men haha just older men, someone's parent, from a foreign country who we know nothing about. We just don't feel like we would be comfortable having him around. Imagine coming out the shower bumping into him on the way out? Getting out of bed during the night to go get a drink in barely any clothes forgetting he is staying in that room??

Just a bit strange

Reply 87

Original post by Ethereal

So the fact you wanted an all female flat and her dad is male is irrelevant then

+1 OP seems unclear of the basis of her complaint.

Reply 88

Original post by Ethereal

What difference does his age make?

+1

Reply 89

OP

The point is he is WAY older than any of our boyfriends/friends that would come over. I think there is a clear difference between an 18/19/20 year old guy and a 50 plus something guy

Reply 90

Betelgeuse-

19

Wish i could be a fly on the wall for this sh it show

Mummys gonna be tut tutting disapprovingly and papi's gona be eyeing up the meat show and rummaging through your laundry basket for a souvenir to take home with him

(edited 7 years ago)

Reply 91

Original post by daniellee0

I have no issue with men haha just older men, someone's parent, from a foreign country who we know nothing about. We just don't feel like we would be comfortable having him around. Imagine coming out the shower bumping into him on the way out? Getting out of bed during the night to go get a drink in barely any clothes forgetting he is staying in that room??

Just a bit strange

Just google the country and you will know about it. :smile:

If you are happy not to have any guests in the flat for the whole year, go ahead and get her parents kicked out.

Reply 92

Original post by daniellee0

The point is he is WAY older than any of our boyfriends/friends that would come over. I think there is a clear difference between an 18/19/20 year old guy and a 50 plus something guy

Indeed, there is. And that just makes the old man a better guest than your average fresher.

Reply 93

999tigger

19

Original post by daniellee0

The point is he is WAY older than any of our boyfriends/friends that would come over. I think there is a clear difference between an 18/19/20 year old guy and a 50 plus something guy

So you are upset because her dad isnt 19?

Have you decided to do anything about the situation?

1. Talk to the person and make your concerns known.
2. Complain to your landlord?
3. Change the locks.

The worst thing you can do imo is say nothing and inwardly resent someone for the rest of the year. You ahve to share that space so best et a clear understanding of the rules and sort oput a compromise if needed. Resenting it will spoil the mood of the flat from the very beginning.

Reply 94

Tiger Rag

22

Original post by daniellee0

I have no issue with men haha just older men, someone's parent, from a foreign country who we know nothing about. We just don't feel like we would be comfortable having him around. Imagine coming out the shower bumping into him on the way out? Getting out of bed during the night to go get a drink in barely any clothes forgetting he is staying in that room??

Just a bit strange

Indeed. I wouldn't feel comfortable having a strange man in my accommodation either. Especially not whilst I'm trying to settle in.

Reply 95

OP

Original post by 999tigger

So you are upset because her dad isnt 19?

Have you decided to do anything about the situation?

1. Talk to the person and make your concerns known.
2. Complain to your landlord?
3. Change the locks.

The worst thing you can do imo is say nothing and inwardly resent someone for the rest of the year. You ahve to share that space so best et a clear understanding of the rules and sort oput a compromise if needed. Resenting it will spoil the mood of the flat from the very beginning.

The point is he is way older. Of course we will all have boys over at some point but not a 50 year old male. We have tried speaking to her first and heard nothing back. Currently waiting to hear back from the landlord.

Reply 96

999tigger

19

Original post by daniellee0

The point is he is way older. Of course we will all have boys over at some point but not a 50 year old male. We have tried speaking to her first and heard nothing back. Currently waiting to hear back from the landlord.

So your objection would be the same even if it was just for one night. I must say sounds like a good recipe for a terrible backbiting flat for the year. Better to make her feel unwelcome now so that maybe she leaves raher thnan have to put up with each other for the year.

Reply 97

Vereor

7

Original post by daniellee0

The point is he is way older. Of course we will all have boys over at some point but not a 50 year old male. We have tried speaking to her first and heard nothing back. Currently waiting to hear back from the landlord.

Tried to speak but heard nothing back? You mean you sent a text or an email and then reported it to the landlord anyway?

You've a lot to learn about living with other people, sometimes they will want to do something that you're not happy about.
Provided it's not going to affect you financially, your work or health just let them get on with it; at some point you will undoubtedly want to do something they don't agree with and you've just made a rod for your own back.

Reply 98

Nottie