The Student Room Group

My awful existence

Hello, I'm 18 and will be starting university soon. I will be commuting there because that was the only option ever given to me - in fact, it was simply expected of me, there was no conversation about it. The problem is I honestly applied to university for the sake of it so I don't know if I will like it at all. Along with that, I can't stand living with my family anymore for various reasons. However moving out is not an option. I am expected to move out when I get married - but I don't ever want to get married. So my future seems rather fabulous.

Admittedly, I am far from the perfect child so I have given my parents good reason to hate me. They are pretty bad parents to be honest, although I must acknowledge that they let me do what I want most of the time and for that I should be grateful. But I really dislike my family - I feel as if I disagree with their every viewpoint in life. They are people who blindly reject what is essentially the fact of evolution - though they never talk about it because an intellectual discussion has no place under this roof. They also think violence is a good form of discipline. They don't hit me anymore and I haven't had a traumatic past or anything, but they threaten me sometimes. I have made it clear that even if they acted on their threats, it would have no effect on me. I just can't deal with their views that really do not belong in modern society. Of course, their minds are etched with completely backwards thinking so I have no hope of ever explaining anything to them so they could comprehend it and reconsider their thoughts.

You can probably guess that I come from a not-so-favourable third world background. The icing on the cake is that I lost faith in god a few years ago - something I have to hide from my family since they are religious and would not be understanding in the slightest.

In short, FML.
Anyway I'm not actually sure what I'm looking for here but it would be nice to hear some thoughts.

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You should move to America to mine gold.

Spoiler

if you fear for your safety I would move out and cut ties. if not then you should move out and keep contact but i think alex is right, its your life you got to live it.
Reply 3
I should have gone for a clickbait title, hmph.
Reply 4
So you hate your parents for not letting you move out for university?
Original post by Anonymous
I should have gone for a clickbait title, hmph.


So what religion are your parents? Religious people will not accept anything which is opposed to what they believe. So no point arguing with them about it. PM me if you want to talk more. :smile:
Adding 3rd world, religion and apostate sounds like a deadly combination and I would fear for your safety. Violence is the action of a parasite who seeks to control and force one to obey under fear. Get your degree, get a job and say goodbye to them without looking back. Think of yourself and your interest first before anyone elses. Anyone who says different either has a hand in your wallet or a gun to your back.
Reply 7
Original post by Ishax
So you hate your parents for not letting you move out for university?


No, more like because they are on a completely different wavelength to me in pretty much every aspect in life.
Reply 8
Original post by Clockrice
So what religion are your parents? Religious people will not accept anything which is opposed to what they believe. So no point arguing with them about it. PM me if you want to talk more. :smile:

They are Muslims. I agree - but with my parents I have to say the culture - which really sucks - plays a big role too unfortunately, it's not just religion.
And thanks

Original post by TheeAndrewRyan
Adding 3rd world, religion and apostate sounds like a deadly combination and I would fear for your safety. Violence is the action of a parasite who seeks to control and force one to obey under fear. Get your degree, get a job and say goodbye to them without looking back. Think of yourself and your interest first before anyone elses. Anyone who says different either has a hand in your wallet or a gun to your back.


I should mention that I live in the UK so I think I'm pretty safe (in my current situation anyway) :smile: What you say sounds good, however I don't know if I'll make it through the degree while keeping my sanity.
Original post by Anonymous
I will be commuting there because that was the only option ever given to me


So make your own options then. Get a part-time/weekend job whilst at uni, save money and whatever student finance/bursaries you're receiving and find somewhere cheap to live. You're an adult now, and you can decide where to live. Whether the potential fallout with your family is worth it, is up to you, but I doubt you're physically stuck living with your parents. If you want to move out so much, make it happen.
Original post by Anonymous
Hello, I'm 18 and will be starting university soon. I will be commuting there because that was the only option ever given to me - in fact, it was simply expected of me, there was no conversation about it. The problem is I honestly applied to university for the sake of it so I don't know if I will like it at all. Along with that, I can't stand living with my family anymore for various reasons. However moving out is not an option. I am expected to move out when I get married - but I don't ever want to get married. So my future seems rather fabulous.

Admittedly, I am far from the perfect child so I have given my parents good reason to hate me. They are pretty bad parents to be honest, although I must acknowledge that they let me do what I want most of the time and for that I should be grateful. But I really dislike my family - I feel as if I disagree with their every viewpoint in life. They are people who blindly reject what is essentially the fact of evolution - though they never talk about it because an intellectual discussion has no place under this roof. They also think violence is a good form of discipline. They don't hit me anymore and I haven't had a traumatic past or anything, but they threaten me sometimes. I have made it clear that even if they acted on their threats, it would have no effect on me. I just can't deal with their views that really do not belong in modern society. Of course, their minds are etched with completely backwards thinking so I have no hope of ever explaining anything to them so they could comprehend it and reconsider their thoughts.

You can probably guess that I come from a not-so-favourable third world background. The icing on the cake is that I lost faith in god a few years ago - something I have to hide from my family since they are religious and would not be understanding in the slightest.

In short, FML.
Anyway I'm not actually sure what I'm looking for here but it would be nice to hear some thoughts.


Just know that your situation does suck, but it's not the end of the world and you're not alone. You're still very young, so don't wallow in pity thinking your existence is awful because it's temporary and it will get better. You're not going to be living at home forever, and when you can fund yourself you have the choice to move out, it's not your parent's decision and I hate the idea that girls should be married off then move out of the family home. A lot of people can empathise with not being understood by your parents and the cultural issues/expectations. I guess it depends on how strict your family are in terms of how they would react if you try to be more independent and free yourself. I understand you're not that keen on uni right now but I do hope you're doing a degree you like and not something you're forced into.

In terms of the ancient mentality, trust me you are so not alone. I completely get you, not so much with my parents but other relatives, they can be so judgmental and this sometimes influences my parents. Just move past it, don't let their judgements cast a shadow on how you live your life. Sometimes you can't change that mentality, because of the way they've been brought up they're not open to acknowledging their mindset is so very wrong. But don't let it put you down and have a toxic effect on your happiness. Don't let anything have a permanent effect on your life or affect any long-term things.
Original post by Anonymous
No, more like because they are on a completely different wavelength to me in pretty much every aspect in life.


Oh okay, I can understand. Hopefully within time they will become more modern.
Original post by SirKyrgystan
So make your own options then. Get a part-time/weekend job whilst at uni, save money and whatever student finance/bursaries you're receiving and find somewhere cheap to live. You're an adult now, and you can decide where to live. Whether the potential fallout with your family is worth it, is up to you, but I doubt you're physically stuck living with your parents. If you want to move out so much, make it happen.


You see this sounds all well and good but I can't see myself doing it :/ I'd say maintaining a relationship with my family is not very important, it would be impossible anyway. I don't know how I would cut myself off though. I don't think they would let me leave...
Original post by Lunch@Tiffany
Just know that your situation does suck, but it's not the end of the world and you're not alone. You're still very young, so don't wallow in pity thinking your existence is awful because it's temporary and it will get better. You're not going to be living at home forever, and when you can fund yourself you have the choice to move out, it's not your parent's decision and I hate the idea that girls should be married off then move out of the family home. A lot of people can empathise with not being understood by your parents and the cultural issues/expectations. I guess it depends on how strict your family are in terms of how they would react if you try to be more independent and free yourself. I understand you're not that keen on uni right now but I do hope you're doing a degree you like and not something you're forced into.

In terms of the ancient mentality, trust me you are so not alone. I completely get you, not so much with my parents but other relatives, they can be so judgmental and this sometimes influences my parents. Just move past it, don't let their judgements cast a shadow on how you live your life. Sometimes you can't change that mentality, because of the way they've been brought up they're not open to acknowledging their mindset is so very wrong. But don't let it put you down and have a toxic effect on your happiness. Don't let anything have a permanent effect on your life or affect any long-term things.


Appreciate your post.
I wasn't really forced into the degree I'm going to do, I just didn't give it much thought. It shouldn't be too bad though.

My relatives are liberal in comparison to my parents, yet their daughters all went to university, then got married... you know, the usual.
Original post by Ishax
Oh okay, I can understand. Hopefully within time they will become more modern.


I don't think there is time to become modern now haha
Original post by Anonymous
I don't think there is time to become modern now haha


You're only 18, there is plenty of time! They will just need more convincing and stuff!
Original post by Ishax
So you hate your parents for not letting you move out for university?


I would too
Original post by Anonymous
Hello, I'm 18 and will be starting university soon. I will be commuting there because that was the only option ever given to me - in fact, it was simply expected of me, there was no conversation about it. The problem is I honestly applied to university for the sake of it so I don't know if I will like it at all. Along with that, I can't stand living with my family anymore for various reasons. However moving out is not an option. I am expected to move out when I get married - but I don't ever want to get married. So my future seems rather fabulous.

Admittedly, I am far from the perfect child so I have given my parents good reason to hate me. They are pretty bad parents to be honest, although I must acknowledge that they let me do what I want most of the time and for that I should be grateful. But I really dislike my family - I feel as if I disagree with their every viewpoint in life. They are people who blindly reject what is essentially the fact of evolution - though they never talk about it because an intellectual discussion has no place under this roof. They also think violence is a good form of discipline. They don't hit me anymore and I haven't had a traumatic past or anything, but they threaten me sometimes. I have made it clear that even if they acted on their threats, it would have no effect on me. I just can't deal with their views that really do not belong in modern society. Of course, their minds are etched with completely backwards thinking so I have no hope of ever explaining anything to them so they could comprehend it and reconsider their thoughts.

You can probably guess that I come from a not-so-favourable third world background. The icing on the cake is that I lost faith in god a few years ago - something I have to hide from my family since they are religious and would not be understanding in the slightest.

In short, FML.
Anyway I'm not actually sure what I'm looking for here but it would be nice to hear some thoughts.


Follow Jesus and you will have all your prayers answered. Once you ask for forgivness the whole world will open up for you. Just ask and it will be given.
Original post by Ishax
You're only 18, there is plenty of time! They will just need more convincing and stuff!


Honestly it feels like they are taking more steps in the wrong direction. Things can only get worse.
Original post by dozyrosie
Follow Jesus and you will have all your prayers answered. Once you ask for forgivness the whole world will open up for you. Just ask and it will be given.


lol kmn

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