Break Up

After almost 11 months, my boyfriend broke up with me. I just need a few tips on how to handle it, considering he was my best friend and we would talk every night.
Any tips are welcome :frown:

Reply 1

Elastichedgehog

Original post by Anonymous

After almost 11 months, my boyfriend broke up with me. I just need a few tips on how to handle it, considering he was my best friend and we would talk every night.
Any tips are welcome :frown:

I've just come out of a two year relationship. Trust me I know how much it sucks because I had exactly the same feelings about it. How can someone be so ingrained into your routine and then all of a sudden just disappear right?

Two weeks on, with a week until I move out to university, I can honestly say I'm feeling better. It still hurts to think about, but I do feel better.

I'd suggest putting all pictures you have of them on your computer in a folder and then hiding the folder from yourself until you're either ready to look at them again, or delete them (don't delete them right away, looking at them again in the future will provide closure). Hide all pictures of you and them on facebook from your profile so you don't have to see them. Unfollow them on facebook so you don't see any of their posts/activity. Appear offline so you don't see them in your chat bar. Delete messages so you don't see them in your inbox. Anything they've given to you put in a box and hide it from yourself (don't throw it out!)

Once all of this is done just wait it out. Maybe when you're ready have a conversation with them, ask any questions you have about why etc. get some closure. (That's what I did).

I know it sucks, honestly, but it will get better :smile:

Message me if you want.

(edited 7 years ago)

Reply 2

Pinkberry_y

In truth, right now nothing is going to help you feel better. You can eat all the ice cream you want and watch all the movies you want and take up as many hobbies as you want, it still won't help. It'll temporarily distract you from him but 20 mins later you'll be thinking of him again and your heart will be throbbing for him again.
The only thing that will help is time, slowly the pain will get number, you'll get used to not talking to him every night before you sleep and that will become the new normal. You'll talk to different people and remember the life you had without him in it. Eventually you'll go days without having thought of him without realising it, but it'll take time, that's the honest answer

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

The thing is, I want to stay friends with him because he really is good and I do agree that we'd be better as just friends but I'm not sure how much to talk to him and what to do in the evenings now I don't have him. I'm going to uni in a week and I don't have a lot of friends so...

Reply 4

Elastichedgehog

Original post by Anonymous

It'll be easier if you just distance yourself for now. There's nothing stopping you two being friends in the future :smile:

Reply 5

beckyyx

It's hard but one day you realise that you don't hurt anymore, and that day is great. Until then try and go out and keep your mind off it, for walks or being with friends. Get invested in some tv series. The talking thing is horrible, I used to talk with my ex all the time when we weren't physically together and when we broke up it was weird not having someone to talk to like that. Tv series helped me, I just binged, went out with friends, went for long walks and started running, filling up your time is key.

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

Original post by Foo.mp3

A general guide to moving on can be found here. Also important also to consider how to fill the significant void in your case :redface:

I still want to talk to him and I still want to be friends with him, we're meeting later in the week to exchange items of each other's and to chat. I'm thinking that cutting the contact down to a few times a week to just catch up might help? If I don't talk to him I'll never have the guts to message him so I can't cut all contact and ironically he's the only person that can console me atm. I've never had a breakup where I still loved them, so I'm just unsure how to handle it all, especially the weird mix of crying and then feeling both incredibly hurt and numb at the same time.
I had an awful nights sleep last night, about an hour and a half in total, but it seems I wasn't the only one...

Reply 7

User264792

I've been through your typical, horrendous breakup and everyone kept telling me 'time's a healer' and other overused cliches. They were right, the pain of heartbreak does fade. It never completely heals, but it does fade and you can get back to normal. There will be a difficult period ahead of 'mourning' for the relationship. Prepare yourself for the pain, but remember this level of hurt will not last forever. Good luck!

Reply 8

User264792

Original post by Foo.mp3

No doubt. Question is: A) Is this a realistic hope? B) Is it reasonable to suppose you will be able to handle this?

Certainly a good start, really this is a question for you: what can you deal with and what is just going to make life that bit more difficult. Sometimes we can only tell by trying things out..

I'm not sure he's the best person to be around whilst you're still overcome with emotion and in the 'mourning' phase, dear

Well, at least you know he has a conscience, albeit that he's broken up with you and is therefore not the right guy for you/insufficiently appreciative of you (please stay clear on this)

All good advice for the original poster/postress.

Reply 9

Anonymous #1

Original post by Foo.mp3

All useful advice :smile:

we're meeting up soon to exchange items (I may have mentioned before?) and we might go for a meal to assess if we can be friends and talk everything over. I won't be around him much since I go to uni this weekend and he's staying in my home town to finish sixth form, I don't know if we'll meet up any time before Christmas as it might be too painful still.
Ultimately, I think it's going to be really painful for a long time (the thought of him finding another girl makes me happy because he'll be happy, but the thought of him taking her home and kissing her and telling her the things he told me still hurts more than anything I've ever felt). But I know that just cutting him out of my life completely will hurt more, so cutting down contact, even though it's so hard, is what I feel is best as neither of us wants the other out of their life and we still care about each other.

Reply 10

Elastichedgehog

Original post by Anonymous

All useful advice :smile:

I feel like a hypocrite giving you advise that I myself should be following right now as well. Once you move to university you'll meet so many new people and be so busy, that'll help take your mind off of it I promise :smile:

The idea of anyone being intimate with my ex girlfriend repulses me as well, it's a normal feeling. Good luck OP, I know what it's like to be where you are right now, look after yourself :h: