The Student Room Group

Help please, I have no self esteem left at all

I want to let this out for once here it goes:

1) lately I've been feeling extremely alone, i have no friends (well one but we hardly talk) and I don't get along with my parents so I can't even talk to them about my problems. Seeing everyone going out with their friends makes me really jealous. Everyone seems to have their lives together.

All my life, I've been so nice to people. Tried to make friends but I never get anywhere. I don't get what I'm doing wrong. Everytime I think I've finally met someone, they forget about me and I'm always the one chasing like a desperate idiot.

2) I feel so ugly, I feel as if people don't even give me a chance just because I of my looks. Every good looking person always seems to have loads of friends and I can't help but want to be that person. I hate going in public now because I keep having thoughts about getting judged. I stay home as much as I can which I know is really unhealthy.
Everytime I go outside, all I do is look at other people and constantly compare myself.

Before anyone tells me to join clubs, I already do.

3) I feel like I'm good at nothing. Literally nothing. I'm good in school but I'm not exceptional, only above average. I'm not good looking, I'm not good anything ! Or at least not good enough.

4) I hate myself. And I hate that I hate myself. How do I stop feeling so down?!

Everyday nearly, I break down and the worst part is I have no one to go to. I don't even know why I cry so much- I have been strong for so long -handling severe bullying etc that I just can't take it anymore..

Even now, the few people who I just sit around with at lunch think I'm happy, little do they know about what I'm really like.

I just want to be normal for once. I've never even been to a party and people my age literally go to one every week.

I don't exactly know what I'm trying to get across here but share about myself to people who can't judge I guess.

I want some advice I guess on how to gain self confidence again? And not the usual "know you are the best" stuff because it doesn't work.
Try to talk to people at school. I think you should see a therapist.

Some helpful quotes

"Until you value yourself, you won’t value your time. Until you value your time, you will not do anything with it. ”– M. Scott Peck

“Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world.”
– Lucille Ball

“Don’t rely on someone else for your happiness and self-worth. Only you can be responsible for that. If you can’t love and respect yourself – no one else will be able to make that happen. Accept who you are – completely; the good and the bad – and make changes as YOU see fit – not because you think someone else wants you to be different.”– Stacey Charter
Original post by Anonymous
I want to let this out for once here it goes:

1) lately I've been feeling extremely alone, i have no friends (well one but we hardly talk) and I don't get along with my parents so I can't even talk to them about my problems. Seeing everyone going out with their friends makes me really jealous. Everyone seems to have their lives together.

All my life, I've been so nice to people. Tried to make friends but I never get anywhere. I don't get what I'm doing wrong. Everytime I think I've finally met someone, they forget about me and I'm always the one chasing like a desperate idiot.

2) I feel so ugly, I feel as if people don't even give me a chance just because I of my looks. Every good looking person always seems to have loads of friends and I can't help but want to be that person. I hate going in public now because I keep having thoughts about getting judged. I stay home as much as I can which I know is really unhealthy.
Everytime I go outside, all I do is look at other people and constantly compare myself.

Before anyone tells me to join clubs, I already do.

3) I feel like I'm good at nothing. Literally nothing. I'm good in school but I'm not exceptional, only above average. I'm not good looking, I'm not good anything ! Or at least not good enough.

4) I hate myself. And I hate that I hate myself. How do I stop feeling so down?!

Everyday nearly, I break down and the worst part is I have no one to go to. I don't even know why I cry so much- I have been strong for so long -handling severe bullying etc that I just can't take it anymore..

Even now, the few people who I just sit around with at lunch think I'm happy, little do they know about what I'm really like.

I just want to be normal for once. I've never even been to a party and people my age literally go to one every week.

I don't exactly know what I'm trying to get across here but share about myself to people who can't judge I guess.

I want some advice I guess on how to gain self confidence again? And not the usual "know you are the best" stuff because it doesn't work.


I dropped out of college last year for the exact same reason. I dont have friends and I never have had any friends, and I felt it more at A level than I did at any other time of my life.

I spent a year going to psychiatrists and I can assure you that if you ever get offered it, medication is not the answer. I severely struggled with it and my girlfriend and family felt it because it made me a zombie!

Breaking down and crying is nothing to be ashamed of, I struggled for a long time, and it has had lasting effect. I literally did not leave the house for just south of a year. So I think I could probably be able to shed some light on some ways to help!

- If your not a social person, dont force it!
Some people enjoy being alone, but its hard when you want some friends during a tough time. Making some friends on TSR would help.

-Some days you might not want to go out, just please dont let it be months on end like I did. Sitting in the garden helped me alot. Perhaps go on small walks with a family member?

-None of me acquaintances had any idea, my peers and class mates had no idea. It is nothing to be ashamed of, perhaps you should message that one friend you mentioned?

- Maybe you should go to a local mental health service. It is stretched thin and the waiting list was over 6 months last time I checked for our local service.

Honestly it gets alot better than it seems, I dropped out and now I am back in college (by a narrow line). I naturally came out of being a recluse, I am still very depressed and I still need occasional tablets.
(edited 7 years ago)
Reply 3
Avatar for Anonymous #1
Anonymous #1
OP
Original post by BanterClaus28
I dropped out of college last year for the exact same reason. I dont have friends and I never have had any friends, and I felt it more at A level than I did at any other time of my life.

I spent a year going to psychiatrists and I can assure you that if you ever get offered it, medication is not the answer. I severely struggled with it and my girlfriend and family felt it because it made me a zombie!

Breaking down and crying is nothing to be ashamed of, I struggled for a long time, and it has had lasting effect. I literally did not leave the house for just south of a year. So I think I could probably be able to shed some light on some ways to help!

- If your not a social person, dont force it!
Some people enjoy being alone, but its hard when you want some friends during a tough time. Making some friends on TSR would help.

-Some days you might not want to go out, just please dont let it be months on end like I did. Sitting in the garden helped me alot. Perhaps go on small walks with a family member?

-None of me acquaintances had any idea, my peers and class mates had no idea. It is nothing to be ashamed of, perhaps you should message that one friend you mentioned?

- Maybe you should go to a local mental health service. It is stretched thin and the waiting list was over 6 months last time I checked for our local service.

Honestly it gets alot better than it seems, I dropped out and now I am back in college (by a narrow line). I naturally came out of being a recluse, I am still very depressed and I still need occasional tablets.



That makes me feel better that I'm not completely alone.

I'm sorry to hear that you dropped out of college but I hope you're having a better time now. A level time is really bad, I thought I could maybe make friends in the free periods but everyone is always so absorbed in themself. I'm just in the shadow and it's not like you can just go and ask: "hey do you want to be friends?" I wish I had moved school but it's too late now for that.

I don't want to go to psychiatrists probably because I don't want to admit I have a problem. Also it's a bit awkward talking to some random stranger about your problems. And my parents would find out which I don't want to happen.

I think I'm a relatively easy person to talk to once they get to know me. I'm not overly an introvert; I do try to strike conversations in the hope some good would come out of it.

I do have a few friends on here but it's not the same as having someone in real.. I do talk to them and they like me which atleast makes me feel a little bit better. But then there replies get slower and slower which makes me doubt myself. And I can't discuss these things with someone online ygm

I go out sometimes for walks to clear my head by myself. But I long for actual outings to cinemas and cafes etc. I can't even remember the last time I went to a cinema.
I have learned to enjoy my own company but I can't help but imagine what it's like to be on the other side. Grass is always greener on the other side as they say.

I did message her, but she has friends of her own and she's always busy leaving me to be the second choice.

I hope you get better soon because I understand just how it feels and thank you for your advice too..
Original post by Anonymous
That makes me feel better that I'm not completely alone.

I'm sorry to hear that you dropped out of college but I hope you're having a better time now. A level time is really bad, I thought I could maybe make friends in the free periods but everyone is always so absorbed in themself. I'm just in the shadow and it's not like you can just go and ask: "hey do you want to be friends?" I wish I had moved school but it's too late now for that.

I don't want to go to psychiatrists probably because I don't want to admit I have a problem. Also it's a bit awkward talking to some random stranger about your problems. And my parents would find out which I don't want to happen.

I think I'm a relatively easy person to talk to once they get to know me. I'm not overly an introvert; I do try to strike conversations in the hope some good would come out of it.

I do have a few friends on here but it's not the same as having someone in real.. I do talk to them and they like me which atleast makes me feel a little bit better. But then there replies get slower and slower which makes me doubt myself. And I can't discuss these things with someone online ygm

I go out sometimes for walks to clear my head by myself. But I long for actual outings to cinemas and cafes etc. I can't even remember the last time I went to a cinema.
I have learned to enjoy my own company but I can't help but imagine what it's like to be on the other side. Grass is always greener on the other side as they say.

I did message her, but she has friends of her own and she's always busy leaving me to be the second choice.

I hope you get better soon because I understand just how it feels and thank you for your advice too..


No problems, at Level things shift to a social thing, its hard for a lot of people who suffer socially
Reply 5
Avatar for Anonymous #1
Anonymous #1
OP
Original post by BanterClaus28
No problems, at Level things shift to a social thing, its hard for a lot of people who suffer socially


Exactly!
Original post by Anonymous
Exactly!


Common rooms dont help either, just try to stay focused on the idea that college is educational. I go to my college to do my A levels and thats it for me. You will be successful when you get the happy balance!
>OP - I wish I could give you an answer that would solve your problems but I can't. I do want to offer to you that you are definitely not alone. Many, many girls (and guys) suffer from low self esteem and inner self doubt and hatred. Sadly, it is just not talked about. Also, we see pictures on social media like snap chat and 'fake'book and it seems like everyone is living this ideal life and it simply isn't true!! Everyone desires friends and for some people they need 100+ friends to feel like they have enough and for some one close friend is all they need. You said that you sit with a few girls at lunch. Please, try and be brave and ask them to meet you at the cinema next weekend. Hopefully that is all you need to do. If they do agree to meet you keep it light and happy which will make it more enjoyable and likely that they'll want to meet up with you again in the future.
If you are closer to one than another confide in her that you are struggling personally and need a friend. If she responds that she has other friends then, sadly, she isn't your friend. I truly believe that behind close doors those girls feel the same way you do! As far as crying.... we've all been there, even for social reasons, again it's just not discussed. "Crying doesn't mean you're weak, it means you've been strong for too long". Remember that this time of life will pass and you will start a new chapter hopefully at uni and you'll have the opportunity to start fresh. It is critical that you come to peace with who you are as a person and start liking and respecting yourself. I would really encourage you to see a counselor as well but not sure how quickly that resource can be available to you.
Original post by Anonymous
I want to let this out for once here it goes:

1) lately I've been feeling extremely alone, i have no friends (well one but we hardly talk) and I don't get along with my parents so I can't even talk to them about my problems. Seeing everyone going out with their friends makes me really jealous. Everyone seems to have their lives together.

All my life, I've been so nice to people. Tried to make friends but I never get anywhere. I don't get what I'm doing wrong. Everytime I think I've finally met someone, they forget about me and I'm always the one chasing like a desperate idiot.

2) I feel so ugly, I feel as if people don't even give me a chance just because I of my looks. Every good looking person always seems to have loads of friends and I can't help but want to be that person. I hate going in public now because I keep having thoughts about getting judged. I stay home as much as I can which I know is really unhealthy.
Everytime I go outside, all I do is look at other people and constantly compare myself.

Before anyone tells me to join clubs, I already do.

3) I feel like I'm good at nothing. Literally nothing. I'm good in school but I'm not exceptional, only above average. I'm not good looking, I'm not good anything ! Or at least not good enough.

4) I hate myself. And I hate that I hate myself. How do I stop feeling so down?!

Everyday nearly, I break down and the worst part is I have no one to go to. I don't even know why I cry so much- I have been strong for so long -handling severe bullying etc that I just can't take it anymore..

Even now, the few people who I just sit around with at lunch think I'm happy, little do they know about what I'm really like.

I just want to be normal for once. I've never even been to a party and people my age literally go to one every week.

I don't exactly know what I'm trying to get across here but share about myself to people who can't judge I guess.

I want some advice I guess on how to gain self confidence again? And not the usual "know you are the best" stuff because it doesn't work.


I'm really sorry you feel that way :frown:

I know it might not help right now (but I think one day you will realise this) but while it might seem like everyone else

I can relate to a lot of what you said... I was very uncool at school, not many real friends (through my own fault partly)... was probably seen as a bit weird because I was so shy and found it hard to speak to people. I felt so ugly and I thought I had a terrible personality too. I had very low self confidence. I was never bullied though (I'm sorry you have had to go through that), probably because I kind of blended into the background... but I did get teased semi-regularly by people who thought it made them seem cool or funny. Kids are weird like that.

The main thing here that I want to stress is that the change has to come from YOU. You have to start, bit by bit, trying to see yourself in a more positive light. It's hard, I still have bouts of low confidence, but every time you critisise yourself just think "No, I'm not going to think that about myself, I am better than that" and just try and stop these negative thoughts, even if you don't believe it at first you will eventually. You also have to identify why you think you don't have many friends. For me, it was because I was cripplingly shy. This was the hardest thing for me to change and I had to wait until I left school actually, but I just forced myself to talk to new people and go out of my way to meet them and just be friendly towards everybody even if I felt like I was plunging through a big black hole every time I smiled and tried talking to someone new... I forced myself. Now meeting new people is one of my favourite things to do. People at school probably find it weird looking at how sociable I am on facebook, it's a real U turn. I also never changed my personality I am the same person I just learnt to show it to people.

I'm not saying this is going to be easy or overnight... but it CAN happen and you CAN stop feeling this way. I'm not sure how old you are but you can do it. If you are soon going to either college or university that is a great time to make this change. You are young and have plenty of change and like I said A LOT of young people feel this way.

Also as for the looks thing, a lot of people I thought were attractive at school that were really popular and I wished I looked like, I look at them on facebook now and they are very average. I think your perception of yourself and them needs to be adjusted and you will see things really aren't as bad as you think. Also, as cliché as it sounds, looks aren't everything... and at the end of the day if some of the people on Jeremy Kyle that don't have the looks and certainly don't have nice personalities can find someone then there's hope for us all.

Quick Reply

Related discussions

Latest

Trending

Trending

Articles for you