The Student Room Group

Should I tell him about the abortion?

Just found out I was pregnant today and I've decided that I'm going to have an abortion. The "father" would have been my ex and he's young so I know he wouldn't want the baby (he doesn't even want a relationship) although MIGHT try to support me if I was to keep it. Should I tell him about me going to get an abortion or is it unnecessary? I'm trying to distance myself from him so I think me sharing this is quite a personal thing but one of my friends think he has a right to know? Should I tell him?

Scroll to see replies

You should tell him, but it is your decision.
Original post by Anonymous
Just found out I was pregnant today and I've decided that I'm going to have an abortion. The "father" would have been my ex and he's young so I know he wouldn't want the baby (he doesn't even want a relationship) although MIGHT try to support me if I was to keep it. Should I tell him about me going to get an abortion or is it unnecessary? I'm trying to distance myself from him so I think me sharing this is quite a personal thing but one of my friends think he has a right to know? Should I tell him?


Nope. Leave it, he doesn't deserve to know.
Reply 3
Original post by Nirvana1989-1994
You should tell him, but it is your decision.


why do you think that?

Original post by RDKGames
Nope. Leave it, he doesn't deserve to know.


Why does he not deserve to know? But I agree with you.
Original post by Anonymous
why do you think that?


I'm sorry, I mis-read it, only tell if if you want to.
Original post by Anonymous
why do you think that?



Why does he not deserve to know? But I agree with you.


Because he's your ex. Shows how your relationship won't hold and a child can bring it back and hold it only by a thread which is a whole new world of a mess. Best to avoid it altogether and move on with your life.
(edited 7 years ago)
Tell him but be firm about your decision to as this does not sound like a situation a baby should be born into
Reply 7
Original post by Little Popcorns
Tell him but be firm about your decision to as this does not sound like a situation a baby should be born into


I know that's why I'm having the abortion. Why do you think I should still tell him?
Reply 8
tricky one... if you think he'd find out from someone else some how then tell him. if you think you're going to try and be friends or will be friends one day maybe it's best to tell him. if you're 100% sure that he will not find out and that you will never have any sort of relationship (friendly or other) with him then i don't really see any need.
If he's your priest, you'll have to tell him eventually, right?
I didn't tell my ex. There's no point.
It's your choice to have/not have the abortion and it's also your choice to tell/not tell him.
If you want to distance yourself from him, then if you do decide to tell him, just keep it brief like how you shared it here - "found out I was pregnant today and I've decided that I'm going to have an abortion. "
If telling him makes you feel uncomfortable in any way, then you don't have to tell him (at least not at this point). He was the one who decided he doesn't want the relationship. You don't owe him anything.
I must second RDKGames in saying that a baby can bring two people together again out of obligation, even when there are pre-existing serious relationship issues. So if you're going to have that conversation, be very wary of how it plays out. If he starts to promise to take care of you again and provide for the baby out of obligation (like you said, he's young), will it make you change your mind? You've already decided on the abortion, so make sure your heart is set right before you tell him. You can always tell him after the abortion, if you really feel the need to.

All of that being said, with regards to abortion, just make sure that this decision is what you really want. You sound mature enough to know what you're doing. Be brave, and we'll be sending you love and strength.

Best wishes.
I personally think he has a right to know, despite he's the ex.. He's 50% responsible for the situation you're in. I don't think it's wise or fair to keep him out the loop.

I'm not even talking about you two getting back together and playing happy families. That's not the point, the point is he's the father and has the right to know.
(edited 7 years ago)
No

you are not in a relationship anymore

telling him could either be seen as you trying to get revenge or get him back either way you won't look good for doing so.

but that's just what I'd do.
Legally it is your prerogative to terminate until 24 weeks; this doesn't, however, absolve your moral duty to inform the father.
Original post by Profesh
Legally it is your prerogative to terminate until 24 weeks; this doesn't, however, absolve your moral duty to inform the father.


I don't really understand why there's a obligation to tell the father. Like, I understand that it's fine to do so and perhaps the want to do so, but I'm genuinely curious why people think that you "have to" or are "obliged to". I definitely wouldn't use the words "moral duty" to describe it. That's way too strong. So I'm interested to hear your thoughts.
We can't tell you what to do, only you can make this decision. I see why you would tell him and I see why you wouldn't. Personally if it were me and he was an ex, I wouldn't tell him. I would be worried about it causing even more trouble when I would most likely just want him out of my life. However, there is the risk of him finding out from someone else though.

Posted from TSR Mobile
Original post by hipsterrapunzel
I don't really understand why there's a obligation to tell the father. Like, I understand that it's fine to do so and perhaps the want to do so, but I'm genuinely curious why people think that you "have to" or are "obliged to". I definitely wouldn't use the words "moral duty" to describe it. That's way too strong. So I'm interested to hear your thoughts.


I don't presume to understand how the boundary between an apparently disposable conglomeration of cell-tissue and a legal personage has been conveniently ascertained as exactly twenty-four weeks from conception. Nonetheless, given that the nature of human consciousness is an epistemic conundrum which has preoccupied the world's foremost and preeminent minds since time immemorial, I can only surmise that the underlying rationale is one of utilitarian pragmatism; because it sure as hell doesn't conform to any applicable model of scientific rigour.

Consequently, as befits any scenario where social policy, ethics and philosophy similarly fail to yield a sufficiently definitive or even logically coherent answer, I would suggest that the most fundamental precepts of empathy, compassion and mutual accountability are effectively enshrined within the Golden Rule; and that since most people would wish to know if they'd inadvertently conceived a child, the OP should negotiate her conduct with those (universal) tenets firmly in mind.
(edited 7 years ago)
Please do not kill your unborn child.
Original post by Ishax
I personally think he has a right to know, despite he's the ex.. He's 50% responsible for the situation you're in. I don't think it's wise or fair to keep him out the loop.

I'm not even talking about you two getting back together and playing happy families. That's not the point, the point is he's the father and has the right to know.


This :yy:

Quick Reply