In love with two people
Okay I'm female and I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 2.5 years and we've been very committed, talking about a life together. I love him so much, but I have had tiny doubts in the past, like sometimes I feel like if we ever broke up we wouldn't be friends because we don't have loads in common and we are very different people. I also feel like it's always me who's talking and he can't hold a conversation very well, also recently he's been really negative about everything.
Anyway I met this guy last week, I have met him before but never spoken properly. We met through mutual friends and since then have been talking non-stop. We have so much in common, we can talk for hours and he is one of the nicest people I have ever met. We keep talking about how we've both become like best friends with each other but we both know it's more than that; I'm pretty certain he feels the same way.
And now I feel so guilty because I feel I am emotionally cheating on my boyfriend. I think about the other guy all the time, even when I'm with my boyfriend and it's just making me view my current relationship as inadequate, and I don't feel I can be intimate with my boyfriend if I am thinking about someone else.
It's really getting to me now, because usually when I am upset about something I talk to my boyfriend about it but obviously I can't do that without hurting him and I can't tell the other guy either.
I feel too guilty to tell anyone and I really don't know what to do!
Please give your opinions, don't hold back, I don't mind what you say
Wow feels great to get that off my chest
Anyway I met this guy last week, I have met him before but never spoken properly. We met through mutual friends and since then have been talking non-stop. We have so much in common, we can talk for hours and he is one of the nicest people I have ever met. We keep talking about how we've both become like best friends with each other but we both know it's more than that; I'm pretty certain he feels the same way.
And now I feel so guilty because I feel I am emotionally cheating on my boyfriend. I think about the other guy all the time, even when I'm with my boyfriend and it's just making me view my current relationship as inadequate, and I don't feel I can be intimate with my boyfriend if I am thinking about someone else.
It's really getting to me now, because usually when I am upset about something I talk to my boyfriend about it but obviously I can't do that without hurting him and I can't tell the other guy either.
I feel too guilty to tell anyone and I really don't know what to do!
Please give your opinions, don't hold back, I don't mind what you say
Wow feels great to get that off my chest
Scroll to see replies
stop talking to the other guy
It's a bit of a *****y situation, but end of the day, you can't control your feelings.
However, from what you've said, it could just be infatuation. I know from experience that when things seem rough with your current partner, the grass seems greener on the other side.
The key to solving all this is to sit down and have a calm, mature conversation with your boyfriend. Personally, I wouldn't mention the other guy, as this may make things worse. But you NEED to be honest about your feelings. Talk about it with him. If he is nonchalant about the whole thing, then he doesn't care, and you should definitely consider breaking it off.
Communication is KEY.
See how you feel about your current relationship after the chat. Relationships are difficult.
However, from what you've said, it could just be infatuation. I know from experience that when things seem rough with your current partner, the grass seems greener on the other side.
The key to solving all this is to sit down and have a calm, mature conversation with your boyfriend. Personally, I wouldn't mention the other guy, as this may make things worse. But you NEED to be honest about your feelings. Talk about it with him. If he is nonchalant about the whole thing, then he doesn't care, and you should definitely consider breaking it off.
Communication is KEY.
See how you feel about your current relationship after the chat. Relationships are difficult.
If you're having doubts about the first guy, you should end the relationship. It's not going to withstand the turbulence of life's challenges. I never even looked at another person when I was in a relationship, and would never have considered leaving him for someone else.
Ok let's be rational here, what is it about this guy that you really like? Could it also be that you've recently met him so it's all new and exciting for you which is why you can't stop thinking about this guy etc. Without thinking of the other guy, can you see a future with your current boyfriend? If you can't then you know what to do for both your sakes. Can you see anything long term with this new guy or is it the new exciting factor and once the sparkle wares off there will be nothing left.
You need to take a step back and not let your emotions rule over things completely and instead look at this with your head to evaluate what you really want here.
You need to take a step back and not let your emotions rule over things completely and instead look at this with your head to evaluate what you really want here.
Original post by UWS
Cut contact with the other guy before you get found out and probably lose both. Man's got no time for cheaters.
I mean it's really not that hard, you have a boyfriend... why would you allow yourself to fall in love with another guy?
I mean it's really not that hard, you have a boyfriend... why would you allow yourself to fall in love with another guy?
You don't get to choose who you fall in love with!!
Original post by Anonymous
You don't get to choose who you fall in love with!!
No, but you can control it. If you were committed to your boyfriend and really cared about your feelings for him, you'd never have let it get this far.
I don't understand, why do people deliberately bring someone else into a relationship then get upset when it turns into a cluster****
2.5 years of time invested in somebody is a lot to throw away but if you and your boyfriend aren't as compatible as you would like then the relationship is probably going do break down somewhere along the line anyway.
Spoiler
Original post by Anonymous
You don't get to choose who you fall in love with!!
Self control.
“If you love two people at the same time, choose the second. Because if you really loved the first one, you wouldn't have fallen for the second.”
Posted from TSR Mobile
Posted from TSR Mobile
Original post by UWS
Self control.
edging for days
Your boyfriend isn't for you....or else you wouldn't feel anything for this new guy.
My instant reaction from the little you have divulged?
You and your boyfriend will eventually split up. Why is a relationship that is not working, suddenly going to become great? What is going to change?
If that is the case you need to take the plunge and break up with him. Then see if it works with the other guy.
If you don't take it forward with guy 2, you will always regret it and blame guy 1 (unfairly really) for stopping you. So you will eventually break up with him (that is going to happen whatever) AND lose guy 2.
But if you go forward with guy 2 without breaking up with guy 1 it will get very messy and feelongs will get awfully hurt, AND you will probably lose both guys eventually as well.
You know in your heart you want guy 2. Follow it.
You and your boyfriend will eventually split up. Why is a relationship that is not working, suddenly going to become great? What is going to change?
If that is the case you need to take the plunge and break up with him. Then see if it works with the other guy.
If you don't take it forward with guy 2, you will always regret it and blame guy 1 (unfairly really) for stopping you. So you will eventually break up with him (that is going to happen whatever) AND lose guy 2.
But if you go forward with guy 2 without breaking up with guy 1 it will get very messy and feelongs will get awfully hurt, AND you will probably lose both guys eventually as well.
You know in your heart you want guy 2. Follow it.
Original post by UWS
Cut contact with the other guy before you get found out and probably lose both. Man's got no time for cheaters.
I mean it's really not that hard, you have a boyfriend... why would you allow yourself to fall in love with another guy?
I mean it's really not that hard, you have a boyfriend... why would you allow yourself to fall in love with another guy?
**** happens. Falling in love is easy - but you choose the one you want, and that's what matters.
I think it is too late for you and your boyfriend now, the seeds have been planted, no, they've already begun sprouting.
Of course, anything could happen. It's no point using logic in this since it's a very emotional subject and we're all illogical emotional people, our first reaction to anything is an emotional one, and it's our feelings we base a lot of our decisions on, you see where I'm going with this?. Something could happen with your new guy that will forever change how you feel about him or something of the sort.
You have to be a stranger to one of them, that's for sure. You have to accept that someone will get hurt, and there's nothing that can be done about it.
Of course, anything could happen. It's no point using logic in this since it's a very emotional subject and we're all illogical emotional people, our first reaction to anything is an emotional one, and it's our feelings we base a lot of our decisions on, you see where I'm going with this?. Something could happen with your new guy that will forever change how you feel about him or something of the sort.
You have to be a stranger to one of them, that's for sure. You have to accept that someone will get hurt, and there's nothing that can be done about it.
Spoiler
Hi everyone,
Thank you all for your comments, although I don't agree with what some of you have said, I have taken it all on board.
Just so you know, my boyfriend and I have had our ups and downs and we have stayed with each other through everything. I didn't mean to fall for someone else, it has never happened before but I really can't control how I feel- despite what some of you may think!
I am going to my boyfriend's house tonight and we are going to discuss everything and I assume this will make things clearer for me.
Also, when I started speaking to this other guy, I did it purely because I have such a small number of friends and I knew we could be really good friends and that's what I wanted! I never expected my feelings to develop into something else. I have plenty of guys who I am mates with and have never felt like this about any of them.
Thanks again for all your help and for all the Johnny Depp quotes
Thank you all for your comments, although I don't agree with what some of you have said, I have taken it all on board.
Just so you know, my boyfriend and I have had our ups and downs and we have stayed with each other through everything. I didn't mean to fall for someone else, it has never happened before but I really can't control how I feel- despite what some of you may think!
I am going to my boyfriend's house tonight and we are going to discuss everything and I assume this will make things clearer for me.
Also, when I started speaking to this other guy, I did it purely because I have such a small number of friends and I knew we could be really good friends and that's what I wanted! I never expected my feelings to develop into something else. I have plenty of guys who I am mates with and have never felt like this about any of them.
Thanks again for all your help and for all the Johnny Depp quotes
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