Mental Health Support Society XVIII

lol **** the anon for once.

ppl say to talk to people. well great what splendid advice.
but that is rather hard when only 20% of people actually want to listen, only 15% of those people actually care, and only 1% of those people actually hear what ur saying.People hear what they want to hear, or try to avoid certain stuff bc they can't possibly comprehend that cute lil safe Cavy is not as together it may appear.

Was about to panic when I saw anon was off.

awww, ur so cute (sorry not sorry )
I will end up back on it (lol sound like a drug addict) cos i dont intend for this to be permanent bc i like the 'privacy' of anon but if ppl on here could just idk i just think everyone thinks everything is fine and it isnt and i dont want ppl acting weird or nothing but everyone just sort of dumps things on me really which 99.9% of the time im glad i can help and support them with but like 0.1% of the time i just want to be left alone really.
idk
it is just difficult inrl bc everytime i go to say something that isnt my normal facade of serene happiness ppl are like 'bloody hell cavy that's a bit morbid...' or just try to avoid it and just pretend it is a joke or whatever. idk it is hard to describe, just sometimes i want a serious bloody conversation and i just feel like a joke to a lot of ppl tbh and tbh i do like joking with ppl and being 'happy' bc whilst ur talking to ppl about their pet cat or whatever u dont have to reflect on ur own internal sadness but then sometimes inrl i just want someone to be like are u acc alright cos ppl do online tbf but eugh idk. this is way too long, legit intended to write a sentence on how cute u are then that was it. reign it in cavy

awww, ur so cute (sorry not sorry )
I will end up back on it (lol sound like a drug addict) cos i dont intend for this to be permanent bc i like the 'privacy' of anon but if ppl on here could just idk i just think everyone thinks everything is fine and it isnt and i dont want ppl acting weird or nothing but everyone just sort of dumps things on me really which 99.9% of the time im glad i can help and support them with but like 0.1% of the time i just want to be left alone really.
idk
it is just difficult inrl bc everytime i go to say something that isnt my normal facade of serene happiness ppl are like 'bloody hell cavy that's a bit morbid...' or just try to avoid it and just pretend it is a joke or whatever. idk it is hard to describe, just sometimes i want a serious bloody conversation and i just feel like a joke to a lot of ppl tbh and tbh i do like joking with ppl and being 'happy' bc whilst ur talking to ppl about their pet cat or whatever u dont have to reflect on ur own internal sadness but then sometimes inrl i just want someone to be like are u acc alright cos ppl do online tbf but eugh idk. this is way too long, legit intended to write a sentence on how cute u are then that was it. reign it in cavy

Oh wow that is low. Are you also more sensitive to the good effects of drugs? Like 1 paracetamol for pain rather than two?

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Unfortunately not, pain killers don't do much for me, not even prescribed ones like naproxen.

Oh that sucks, thought you could save a lot of money there.

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Sorry you had a bad experience after therapy *hugs*

I have secretly named one part of me, Beth. She's a little. It's a name she really liked and she looks like one of my favourite dolls. She's an innocent and she's a protector. Which has mixed results.

Anyway we got through that. She and a teen part protect the rest of us. If sweet, please love me, Beth doesn't work then defensive, I'll argue with you until the cows come home, teen version steps up. It's only really protector parts that have surfaced so far. I find it scary and dangerous to let the really depressed teen part out for long or the part which wants to hurt me..all of the versions of me. So I often don't give them any space.

I was going good but now I'm really low and feel like I don't have control over who is in charge. I don't feel like me. I've been debating asking for inpatient to keep me safe but I'm worried about consequences for job and uni and partner

I feel funny.

Maybe have an early night?

Trazodone can be a powerful sleep-aid and often people get strange experiences/side effects if they try to fight the sleep.

I remember once seeing dwarfs digging through my bedroom ceiling after fighting zopiclone.

I've had a pretty nice night, spent some time with friends. It was all going well until I saw bi visibility day was trending on Facebook, and all the awful posts that came with it. I don't feel safe posting anywhere online about it. I want to be proud of who I am and I want to talk about it, but I've seen so many awful things. The worst part is that the abuse also comes from within the LGBT community. The internet was always kind of my safe space, and it's times like these where I don't really feel safe at all