Emailing University Admissions

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Thank you for the replies! I've drafted up an email, how does this sound?

"Dear sir/madam

I am very interested in applying for the BSc Zoology degree for 2017 at your university and I was wondering where I stand having achieved an Access to HE Diploma in Pharmacy and Biomedical Sciences [my grades here], since this is below the standard entry requirements, I am concerned about my chances of being considered for the course if I were to apply. I am also currently retaking GCSE maths since I only hold a D grade in which I am hoping to turn into a C or above this year. I do still hope that I will be considered and I look forward to your reply.

Many Thanks"

Thank you for the replies! I've drafted up an email, how does this sound?

"Dear sir/madam

I am very interested in applying for the BSc Zoology degree for 2017 at your university and I was wondering where I stand having achieved an Access to HE Diploma in Pharmacy and Biomedical Sciences [my grades here], since this is below the standard entry requirements, I am concerned about my chances of being considered for the course if I were to apply. I am also currently retaking GCSE maths since I only hold a D grade in which I am hoping to turn into a C or above this year. I do still hope that I will be considered and I look forward to your reply.

Many Thanks"

sounds fine to me

Unless a C at GCSE Maths is a requirement I wouldn't mention it otherwise it sounds fine. You won't be the first to try this type of enquiry they'll be used to it.

Okay, I'll amend and send it off, thanks again

If you haven't already sent it, you need to change the first sentence. You've joined too many things together with commas, which makes the actual sentence far too long