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Feeling constantly paranoid

I've been in a 2 year relationship with a guy who lives on the other side of the world to me so we haven't met yet but we've skyped and called and done all that to get as close to each other as we possibly can. I don't think I've ever been happier with anyone other than him and we've had a lot of discussion about our future and how we'll take baby steps to get there. He said he would be coming to England next year and everytime he says this, I get all anxious and worried simply because of my weight. I've put on so much weight since A levels has started and I just want to look good for him at all times. Not just that but feel better about my body and become more confident to dress up and go out to parties and socialize more, but this weight is not helping at all. I always feel so conscious about my body even at school (my new sixth form) and its just so tiring to figure out what to wear that won't show all my fat bits- especially my tummy, hips and thighs.

I know I could easily go running and eat less fatty foods and excersise, but it's not that easy; my parents are ask me all sorts of questions when I go to the gym or not eat like a biscuit or something. My dad sometimes shouts at me telling me that I've lost weight (which I certainly haven't) and so I have to eat more and more everyday to show that I'm not trying to be "more attractive" for someone.

I know its a crazy topic but I really need some advice that will help me this time:frown:

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Reply 1
Avatar for A321
A321
20
Do you really need to lose weight or are you just being paranoid. But you've answered your own question. Eat less exercise more. Join a gym download a calorie counting app. Tell your parents your trying to lose weight for yourself, you want to be more healthy.

And please meet this guy! Sounds like an online teenage relationship. How do you know you'll get on with him in person. 2 years is quite a long time, don't leave it too long.


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I'm disappointed to hear that you want to lose weight for someone else (I'm not criticising you for wanting to look good for someone else) and the insinuation that your parents think you're doing it for someone else makes me feel uncomfortable. You should be open and honest with them when the time is right about your relationship - they're your parents. Anyway, I'm happy to hear that you want to lose it for yourself.

One of the best ways is to go on a low-carb, high-protein diet, have good sleep, a healthy breakfast, plenty of exercise, and the like. It's not really that hard, I'm guessing you're not that fat. When I tried to follow this, it wasn't that hard, but I did have to put a strict limit on the amount of sweets I ate - none - eventually I got used to it. Also, you can have one day per week where you have as much food as possible or whatever.

This - https://authoritynutrition.com/how-to-lose-weight-as-fast-as-possible/

It's interesting noting that you've gained weight since A-levels. I did too. I think it's partially due to no more PE lessons but also the stress. But it's no more stress for me. I know how to deal with it now.

Well good luck.

:angelwings:
About Paranoia, I think it's just nervousness. Calm down, stay organised and be prepared. It's worth noting that it's natural for you to feel this way. So just get what needs to be done, done and over with because when you feel cool, you are cool and people will see that aura emanating from you, if that's a strange way to put it...

Or you can freak out and make mistakes.

It's your choice :smile:
Reply 4
Avatar for clarailamp
clarailamp
OP
12
Its so that I feel good and not conscious about my body when I'm with him if you know what I mean. I want to feel more confident and like I can approach anyone without having this constant worry at the back of my mind. Yes, my dad hates the fact that I'm growing up and since I'm vegetarian, he's always trying to make me go back to a meat eater and telling me to eat more as I have no meat in me but he cant see because I always cover up when someone is there except from my sister. You're right, but maybe people should start telling them that instead. If they knew about him, they will literally take away my phone, and laptop and they won't let me out, and then how would I keep in touch with him. Its not just because I have a boyfriend, but the fact that I'm still 17 doing my A levels and he's all the way in south Africa which they see on the news is a "bad" country.

Why do you think I'm not that fat? :rolleyes: It's easier said then done but first I need to exercise at the right time when my parents aren't there.
How are you dealing with A level stress now? And what a levels are you doing if you don't mind me asking.

I know I'm bragging on but I really love the advice you give and its helping me start doing something about this. Thank you :closedeyes:
Original post by clarailamp
Its so that I feel good and not conscious about my body when I'm with him if you know what I mean. I want to feel more confident and like I can approach anyone without having this constant worry at the back of my mind. Yes, my dad hates the fact that I'm growing up and since I'm vegetarian, he's always trying to make me go back to a meat eater and telling me to eat more as I have no meat in me but he cant see because I always cover up when someone is there except from my sister. You're right, but maybe people should start telling them that instead. If they knew about him, they will literally take away my phone, and laptop and they won't let me out, and then how would I keep in touch with him. Its not just because I have a boyfriend, but the fact that I'm still 17 doing my A levels and he's all the way in south Africa which they see on the news is a "bad" country.

Why do you think I'm not that fat? :rolleyes: It's easier said then done but first I need to exercise at the right time when my parents aren't there.
How are you dealing with A level stress now? And what a levels are you doing if you don't mind me asking.

I know I'm bragging on but I really love the advice you give and its helping me start doing something about this. Thank you :closedeyes:


I understand your feelings about not being conscious of yourbody all the time. It is good you’re self-aware of your own feelings and thatif you work on your body it will negate the worrying you have if you didn’thave to concentrate on it all the time. It seems like your dad is just looking out for you, and I’msure you know this. It is kind of startling to hear that they’ll take everythingfrom you because you like someone. If or when they take your things, I don’tthink it will be very fair of me to still say that they’re just looking out foryou although they might be, in their own way, and at that point you’ll need tobe more convincing than ever.

But this is precisely why you have to be stronger and more honest than ever – atleast that’s what I think.

Let me tell you animportant story. I was once tutored by an Asian (I forgot if she’s indianor something else) lady who loved a white man. Her racist parents and peopleneglected her feelings and so she left home. She had a baby with the man sheloved. Due to some law and family troubles, that child was taken away from her,by her own uncle. She was in serious depression then. But now she has anotherkid, is much more free from the shackles of her racist relatives, althoughoccasionally she does meet up with them for stuff like Eid or Sikh events andstuff, taking her family with her, and I imagine some of them still said badstuff about her husband. She sustained all of that even through utter rejectionfrom her own family.

The moral of thestory is that stuff like “Africa” being seen as bad or “you’re only 17” shouldn’tget in the way of love. It’s troubling though, because as someone said youshouldn’t leave it too late like 2 years and the fact that you’re 17. That’swhy it is a smart decision to take this in baby steps, so keep thinking verycarefully and maybe consider some professional advice because sooner or later, even with the fear ofrejection from your parents, if you want this relationship to last you’re goingto need to speak up at some point – especially now since he’s coming – cause youdon’t want your parents to be suspicious that you’re doing something they don’tapprove of, and I’m not saying you always need their approval but they shouldknow. I don’t say this in a relaxed way – this is the truth.

On to the last few points, I think you’re not that fatbecause you said your dad thinks you ain’t got no meat on you and you said youhad a little bit of fat around the legs or something, not a lot. I have no idea why you need to exercise when your parentsaren’t there. Without intention of being an A-hole, it’s ludicrous to think that’s the “right time” when your parents aren’tin, unless there’s some sort of valid reason and not just because they’regoing to think something.

I mean you don’t necessarily have to exercise in thehouse. I’m doing Bio, comp, maths and I know I’m going to get A*sor at least above 95%. Everyone has family troubles and other troubles. Thereare so many ways of dealing with stress but the best way for me is to first getthe basics nailed – sleep, exercise,healthy diet, and study routine. Then Prioritisationof the most important tasks, leaving me with more time for example for familycommitments and stuff. Work smarter, not always harder.

http://www.creativitypost.com/create/work_smarter_not_harder_21_time_management_tips_to_hack_productivity
(edited 7 years ago)
peg them all
Original post by clarailamp

My dad sometimes shouts at me telling me that I've lost weight (which I certainly haven't) and so I have to eat more and more everyday to show that I'm not trying to be "more attractive" for someone.

It pains me to read this. Quite frankly your parents are failing you. They're the ones who are paranoid (most likely south Asian or of a similar culture). Your dad is controlling and paranoid. Work out your BMI and show him. Maybe show him some healthy eating leaflets as well and tell him to get educated. Is he fat?
Don't let your controlling backwards parents ruin your figure or your life. It sounds as if even in the future they'll be controlling who you date and marry as well seeing as they don't want you getting attractive for someone
Losing weight won't make you feel more confident. Loving your body will. That being said, if it's unhealthy then lose weight to feel better physically.
Original post by clarailamp
I've been in a 2 year relationship with a guy who lives on the other side of the world to me so we haven't met yet but we've skyped and called and done all that to get as close to each other as we possibly can. I don't think I've ever been happier with anyone other than him and we've had a lot of discussion about our future and how we'll take baby steps to get there. He said he would be coming to England next year and everytime he says this, I get all anxious and worried simply because of my weight. I've put on so much weight since A levels has started and I just want to look good for him at all times. Not just that but feel better about my body and become more confident to dress up and go out to parties and socialize more, but this weight is not helping at all. I always feel so conscious about my body even at school (my new sixth form) and its just so tiring to figure out what to wear that won't show all my fat bits- especially my tummy, hips and thighs.

I know I could easily go running and eat less fatty foods and excersise, but it's not that easy; my parents are ask me all sorts of questions when I go to the gym or not eat like a biscuit or something. My dad sometimes shouts at me telling me that I've lost weight (which I certainly haven't) and so I have to eat more and more everyday to show that I'm not trying to be "more attractive" for someone.

I know its a crazy topic but I really need some advice that will help me this time:frown:


Your Dad shouldn't be able to tell you that you can't do excercise. Take up a sports club. I used to be fat, but for about 7-8 years, I've been doing martial arts. I eat even more now, but I am like a rake compared to what I was like.
Original post by clarailamp
I've been in a 2 year relationship with a guy who lives on the other side of the world to me so we haven't met yet but we've skyped and called and done all that to get as close to each other as we possibly can. I don't think I've ever been happier with anyone other than him and we've had a lot of discussion about our future and how we'll take baby steps to get there. He said he would be coming to England next year and everytime he says this, I get all anxious and worried simply because of my weight. I've put on so much weight since A levels has started and I just want to look good for him at all times. Not just that but feel better about my body and become more confident to dress up and go out to parties and socialize more, but this weight is not helping at all. I always feel so conscious about my body even at school (my new sixth form) and its just so tiring to figure out what to wear that won't show all my fat bits- especially my tummy, hips and thighs.

I know I could easily go running and eat less fatty foods and excersise, but it's not that easy; my parents are ask me all sorts of questions when I go to the gym or not eat like a biscuit or something. My dad sometimes shouts at me telling me that I've lost weight (which I certainly haven't) and so I have to eat more and more everyday to show that I'm not trying to be "more attractive" for someone.

I know its a crazy topic but I really need some advice that will help me this time:frown:


Crack-cocaine is great for weight loss, give it a crack m8.
when you learn to TRULY be yourself, not everybody will like you, but you will not care about it one bit.
Yes, exactly what I mean, it would help boost my confidence up so much and make me want to socialize without this annoying figure in my head reminding me of my body. Definitely, my dad doesn't like it when anyone's hungry and would make sure their stomachs pop after he cooks for them :tongue: my sister has a boyfriend and shes 20 now and even now my dad isn't happy with it and tolld me not to follow in her direction like that and that I should go to uni first. If or when they take your things, they are looking out for me because they are quite over-protective but they don't understand my feelings for him and how we're both so determined to meet.I don't think convincing is even the right word to use:redface:

They haven't listened to my sister when she sat down and discussed her and her love life and still complain from this day on. I don't blame them sometimes because they've been brought up in a society for nearly there whole life who teaches them not to do this and do that.

Wow she is a strong and powerful woman to move away from family completely! Does she still get to see her first kid? I don't care what they say about my guy because I know him more than they do but I love my parents too, they've been through alot to get me to where I am now and I could never leave them for another man unless they were being extremely rude and I could tell that they don't care about or want me out of their house. But living with him would be a dream come true!:h:

He knows what my parents are like and he knows that they don't know about him and that's what I love about him as he is so understanding and would comfort me when I have a fight with my parents. I was wondering how this will all work out without them knowing when he comes here but I haven't the faintest idea, if they knew, I know them, they would freak out and take eveything away from me...

Well through his eyes I don't have any meat because he is quite a meat eater himself. Its not that I can't exercise when they're there but they come in and ask me why I'm doing this and to go read a book or stop wasting my time and study.

Wow I love your determination and positivity. I find it hard to make time to talk to my old friends, exercise,study, do a job and practice driving all in one day or across two days! How do you plan out each of your days? Do you have a timetable and stuff?

Thank you yet again for taking your time out to really go through my problems, you have no idea how much i appreciate it!:u:
Yep they are Sri Lankan so they are very strict compared to other parents.I have and he seems convinced at first and then he forgets about the stuff I've showed him and carries on complaining. No he's not fat fat but he does love filling up people's bellies. Don't let your controlling backwards parents ruin your figure or your life. They definitely dont want me to be with someone right now at the age of 17 so I am kind of screwed now as to how I will meet him without them knowing
And in order to love my body, I want to be healthy and proud of how it looks like when i look in a mirror.
That's so cool , but even starting a sports club with those who will have a completely different skills profile to me would make me feel more left out and conscious about myself as i feel like people are watching
yeaahhh I wishh:colondollar:
I still dont know who I truly am and having friends is important to me personally even though I'm quite the introvert, i want to be alone but I don't like being lonely, feeling happier about myself and knowing that I can easily approach people will make life so much better:frown:
If your dads shouting at you saying your getting to thin, it sounds like this is more paranoia than anything else. I'm sure you look fine :smile:
He only says that when he sees me not eating much for lunch or dinner or something. The rest of my family always tell me that I'm getting too big, I feel so conscious in a tight dress as well, you can see everything but I have a party on saturday and I want to socialize for once so this will be a great opportunity with me but when my parents see me going out in a tight dress?

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