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Mum isn't letting me move out for university and I really want to.

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Contact your Dad, see if he can help. Tell your Mum on results if she doesn't help you financially you'll tell everyone you know about what you saw.

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I think it's time to fly the nest and move on (if you can because the housing situation is very cruel on young people at the moment).

You can love and respect your parents but still not do what they tell you to do. You are an adult now. You really need to talk to a professional. I can imagine this is taking a massive toll on your mental health.


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(edited 7 years ago)
Original post by rambapa
Look, no one gives a flying fucc about you other than your parents. When you are in A&E at 3 am at night, they will be the only ones to come there.

The world is not a simple place, neither is it a game, do you have the financial means to support yourself? Everything on this planet needs £££, get some £££ and then start playing boss, if you don't have any £££ right now, shut up and sort out your differences with your mum!

Behave like an adult, not a child.


Get off this thread. Is it really that hard for you to understand that?
Oh the irony! Didn't you just tell someone their advice was stupid? It's a perfect case of the pot calling the kettle black.
Original post by jblackmoustache
I think it's time to fly the nest and move on (if you can because the housing situation is very cruel on young people at the moment).

You can love and respect your parents but still not do what they tell you to do. You are an adult now. You really need to talk to a professional. I can imagine this is taking a massive toll on your mental health.


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Yes it has. Depression, self harming, anorexia for a year and bulimia for 6 months.

She called me attention seeking for all of those things when she found out I had them.
Reply 24
Original post by Anonymous
Get off this thread. Is it really that hard for you to understand that?
Oh the irony! Didn't you just tell someone their advice was stupid? It's a perfect case of the pot calling the kettle black.


I'm just telling you as it is, if you don't have the financial means to support yourself, you are in no position to call the shots.

Have a nice day.
I don't really have any other family apart from her and my grandparents tbh. My grandparents are backward in their beliefs.

I'm planning to do that yeah. Would unis help estranged students though? My biggest fear is having to drop out and having to go back to her, which I don't want to do. I'm going to contact a charity that helps with estranged students too to see if I'm eligible for a grant by the Buttle trust. Some unis have grants for estranged students but I'm not looking at many of them apart from Sheffield.
Original post by rambapa
I'm just telling you as it is, if you don't have the financial means to support yourself, you are in no position to call the shots.

Have a nice day.


Tough love is always doomed to failure unless you are very close to that person or the person you are giving advice to holds you in high regard. You are just an internet random. Your 'tough love' will and is failing. You are in no position.

I am a strong believer in that 'tough love' must not make the person feel as though you hate them. It should come from a loving place.


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Reply 27
Original post by jblackmoustache
Tough love is always doomed to failure unless you are very close to that person or the person you are giving advice to holds you in high regard. You are just an internet random. Your 'tough love' will and is failing. You are in no position.

I am a strong believer in that 'tough love' must not make the person feel as though you hate them. It should come from a loving place.


Posted from TSR Mobile


OP hates the only people who care about her, what else can I say? Anyways let OP do what she wants, but it's never good to cut off the hand that feeds you.
Original post by jblackmoustache
Tough love is always doomed to failure unless you are very close to that person or the person you are giving advice to holds you in high regard. You are just an internet random. Your 'tough love' will and is failing. You are in no position.

I am a strong believer in that 'tough love' must not make the person feel as though you hate them. It should come from a loving place.


Posted from TSR Mobile


It fails miserably. It only works until the kid's like 10 imo. Do it with a teenager and it's a recipe for disaster.
Original post by rambapa
OP hates the only people who care about her, what else can I say? Anyways let OP do what she wants, but it's never good to cut off the hand that feeds you.


She doesn't care about me. Have you met her? Do you know her personally? No you bloody don't. So stop being so judgemental and making comments like I'm cutting the hand that feeds me.
Reply 30
Original post by Anonymous
She doesn't care about me. Have you met her? Do you know her personally? No you bloody don't. So stop being so judgemental and making comments like I'm cutting the hand that feeds me.


But her money does feed you. Why doesn't she care about you?
Original post by Anonymous
There's a charity which supports estranged students so I may use that instead. Thanks anyway.



Nope he is my biological father. She wants to ruin my life because I saw it happen and I still remember it, even though I was a toddler at the time. And she knows if I cut ties I can always tell my grandparents who basically are under the impression she's some angel or something.

I told her boyfriend what I saw as a toddler and it's got to the point where he wants to leave to but he's staying because he doesn't want me to go through it alone. He said to me if I need help I can come to him but he's fairly old and frail so I don't want to burden him too much :redface: My friend's offered to let me stay at hers in the summer but I think she may be on holiday or something :/



Ok.

Don't know what else I can say.

You are technically an adult and should have no difficulties getting the loan you are entitled to. Sounds like moving out for uni is the only decent option really.

Wouldn't worry too much about the holidays. You may be able to stay on campus, visit a friend or you may have a boyfriend by then. Things may just work themselves out.
Original post by rambapa
But her money does feed you. Why doesn't she care about you?


And for that I'll respect her. I don't love her though and I want to cut ties.

She was abusive when I was younger and she emotionally abuses me. What kind of loving mother does that?
Original post by stefano865
Ok.

Don't know what else I can say.

You are technically an adult and should have no difficulties getting the loan you are entitled to. Sounds like moving out for uni is the only decent option really.

Wouldn't worry too much about the holidays. You may be able to stay on campus, visit a friend or you may have a boyfriend by then. Things may just work themselves out.


Except the loan will be based om her income and she seems to have no intention of paying the difference. Its all very well staying on campus, but they need to fund it.
Reply 34
Original post by Anonymous
And for that I'll respect her. I don't love her though and I want to cut ties.

She was abusive when I was younger and she emotionally abuses me. What kind of loving mother does that?


Does she have any problems? Like depression, alcoholism, bipolar? Those could be contributors to what she is doing, though it's not acceptable for her to abuse you.

What sort of stuff do you argue about?
Original post by stefano865
Ok.

Don't know what else I can say.

You are technically an adult and should have no difficulties getting the loan you are entitled to. Sounds like moving out for uni is the only decent option really.

Wouldn't worry too much about the holidays. You may be able to stay on campus, visit a friend or you may have a boyfriend by then. Things may just work themselves out.


Yes it does seem to be the only option.

I don't know about the boyfriend bit. Wouldn't it come off as offputting to have a gf whose estranged from her family?
Original post by rambapa
Look, no one gives a flying fucc about you other than your parents. When you are in A&E at 3 am at night, they will be the only ones to come there.

The world is not a simple place, neither is it a game, do you have the financial means to support yourself? Everything on this planet needs £££, get some £££ and then start playing boss, if you don't have any £f££ right now, shut up and sort out your differences with your mum!

Behave like an adult, not a child.


Don't you dare talk like that! Where do you get this notion that every parent gives a **** about their children? Bringing a child into the world biologically does not automatically make them a good parent. Since when did you become an expert? The OP is an adult, and if she so feels that to have any kind life she has to cut ties with her mother, then so be it. The advice here is helpful with the exception of yours - keep it to yourself.
Original post by 999tigger
Except the loan will be based om her income and she seems to have no intention of paying the difference. Its all very well staying on campus, but they need to fund it.



This is a special case.

She should be able to get a loan that will not be dependent on her mother's income.
I have looked at alternatives and decided uni is the one for me. I've applied for part time jobs so I can save up for university and I know I'll be working over the summer. One of my friends offered to let me stay at hers for the summer and I'm planning to contact a charity that helps with estranged students and helps them get grants/bursaries.

Honestly, I don't think I can live with her for another two years. I've suffered so much mentally.

Original post by rambapa
Does she have any problems? Like depression, alcoholism, bipolar? Those could be contributors to what she is doing, though it's not acceptable for her to abuse you.

What sort of stuff do you argue about?


Nope she doesn't have any of those things.

Don't want to go into detail tbh.
Reply 39
Original post by Seamus123
Don't you dare talk like that! Where do you get this notion that every parent gives a **** about their children? Bringing a child into the world biologically does not automatically make them a good parent. Since when did you become an expert? The OP is an adult, and if she so feels that to have any kind life she has to cut ties with her mother, then so be it. The advice here is helpful with the exception of yours - keep it to yourself.


Parents are the only ones statistically to give the most **** about you. Even your best friend won't care about you as much as your parents do statistically.

I'm trying to save OP from creating WW3, while you guys want her to burn the house down and then jump onto benefits.

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