Is This What Having A Baby Feels Like?

There has been a long-running argument between which is more painful: childbirth or being kicked in the danglies. Let's be honest, childbirth is probably more painful. I think I am about to introduce the most realistic and easily replicable imitation for males on what blasting out a baby feels like.

1. A kick in the danglies.
Starting with this, an attack on the testicles should replicate the main source of pain: the traumatic blunt impact and the crippling anxiety that such a delicate part of the body is being torn out of equilibrium.

2. Trying to hold in a poo
Trying to hold in a poo (or trying to push out a really big and sharp one) imitates the female's horrendous realisation that something is trying to get out. It also symbols the emotional mess that they become during labour. We all get a bit emotional when trying to hold in a poo. Gotta get that alone time.

3. Getting soap in the shaft and spraying the penis with deodorant
Spraying the tip of mister happy with deodorant or aftershave or such like imitates the sharp feeling of labour. Getting soap in the urethra entrance gives that extra burn and discomfort.

4. Having a big lunch everyday, followed by a grand finale of a stomach pumping
Quite simple really. Daily eating until full models the lethargic feeling and ofcourse that great big abdominal lump that the ladies must hold until they can release it. This precedes getting the stomach pumped: after carrying all that weight the big day arrives where it all comes out and you're left with emptiness.

So yeah, here we have it. I've tried to acknowledge some of the main features, so I hope this provides the most realistic theory so far of how males can understand what it feels like for females to do babies.

I haven't really tested all of the stages simultaneously though so perhaps someone could volunteer?

Also, ladies, how does this sound to you? Accurate? I was going to tag in that bird that had children but I can't remember her name. :angry:

I'll be back in a bit to tag in everyone from the Pregnant and Parenting Society thread.

(edited 7 years ago)

Reply 1

Viva Emptiness

You also forgot having your gooch to your ******* ripped apart like tissue paper.

It's such a magical time.

Reply 2

Drewski

"doing a baby" could be interpreted very differently...

Reply 3

username1738583

Original post by Drewski

"doing a baby" could be interpreted very differently...

Reply 4

bluemadhatter

Original post by Drewski

"doing a baby" could be interpreted very differently...

I literally gasped out loud when I read the title and was very sure that when I clicked it, it would have been removed

Reply 5

AdeptDz

Original post by Drewski

"doing a baby" could be interpreted very differently...

Certainly had my eyebrows raised

Reply 6

Allie4

phew, i'm glad that is a misleading title....

Reply 7

greatguy995

Original post by Drewski

"doing a baby" could be interpreted very differently...

Original post by bluemadhatter

I literally gasped out loud when I read the title and was very sure that when I clicked it, it would have been removed

Original post by AdeptDz

Certainly had my eyebrows raised

Original post by Allie4

phew, i'm glad that is a misleading title....

It was as clear as day it was a click-bait title. Don't any of you understand how a troll works?

Reply 8

PossiblyNotGod

Someone please change that title! holys***!

Reply 9

It's****ingWOODY

Original post by greatguy995

It was as clear as day it was a click-bait title. Don't any of you understand how a troll works?

Holy s***, for once greatguy actually spoke some sense :eek:

Reply 10

math42

The usual word is having.

Reply 11

AdeptDz

Original post by greatguy995

It was as clear as day it was a click-bait title. Don't any of you understand how a troll works?

Agree with the click-bait title but still don't understand how OP is a troll. What he/she said seemed somewhat logical

Reply 12

Eternalflames

Original post by greatguy995

It was as clear as day it was a click-bait title. Don't any of you understand how a troll works?

GG!

Reply 13

CCC75

Sorry OP your analogy is way off. Maybe akin to the more minor pregnancy niggles.

Labour is a weird and increasingly painful series of abdominal and deep genital aching. And the pain does not magically cease once the child is birthed. It's a gift that keeps on giving for few weeks until the body settles back to normal... if the birth went to text book plan! Complications of birth are common and can cause ongoing discomfort.

Reply 14

greatguy966

OP we all know you've been practising.

Reply 15

Davalla

Original post by 1 8 13 20 42

The usual word is having.

But, "having" is more general. If someone asked me to babysit their child for a bit and then they would take it home an hour later, I could technically say that I had a baby, because for that brief moment of time, I did. "Doing" is more specific in this sense as the female actually did a baby. The baby has been done. Good and proper. Maybe.

Original post by Viva Emptiness

You also forgot having your gooch to your ******* ripped apart like tissue paper.It's such a magical time.

True, I could have added 'self inflicted knife wound' to the model, but that wouldn't be very practical. Come to think of it, a stomach pumping isn't very practical either. :/

Original post by CCC75

Sorry OP your analogy is way off. Maybe akin to the more minor pregnancy niggles.Labour is a weird and increasingly painful series of abdominal and deep genital aching. And the pain does not magically cease once the child is birthed. It's a gift that keeps on giving for few weeks until the body settles back to normal... if the birth went to text book plan! Complications of birth are common and can cause ongoing discomfort.

But as compared to the simplistic kick in the balls-child birth comparison, my version surely must be an upgrade! I could hardly mention complications as things would have taken a much more dreary stance. Maybe for the after effects, number 3 can be repeated a bit, and perhaps include an extra element for that 'dodgy curry' effect? A stomach pumping can leave a person feeling a bit upside-down for a while, too. I don't reckon I'm that far off! What would you suggest?

Original post by greatguy966

OP we all know you've been practising.

I didn't quite get that one..

(edited 7 years ago)

Reply 16

Davalla

So does anyone know who I was thinking of here?

Original post by Davalla

I was going to tag in that bird that had children but I can't remember her name.

(edited 7 years ago)

Reply 17

Sabertooth

Read this:
http://www.bbc.com/news/health-37506001

:afraid:

I'd prefer the kick in the balls.

(edited 7 years ago)

Reply 18

Bang Outta Order

wait this was that thread about doing a baby...

like..what kinda click baity typo...is that???

also...tl;dr but would never even want to think of delivering a baby holy ****....