Planning University...
My boyfriend and I are both planning to start University in September 2017. We want to do completely different courses, Psychology for me and Music Production/Sound Engineering for him. As you can imagine, these two subjects don't cross over much and so not a huge amount of Universities actually offer both of these courses and the ones that do seem to, more often than not, have the lectures etc in different buildings/campuses often fairly far apart.
Despite this, we are trying to find a University we can both attend and share accommodation somewhere between both our lecture buildings, or something like that. However it is making an already difficult task (choosing a University) significantly more challenging. Not only this, but is going to University/sharing accommodation with your partner even a good idea?
We have been together 8 months and I have been in long term relationships before ours but none have felt this serious or real, he is very much my "first love" or whatever. We spend 3-6 days a week together and usually at least 3-4 nights together each week so we are accustomed to being in each other's presence a lot, so moving in together wouldn't be a huge leap.
My main concerns are:
What if we break up after we have decided to live together and attend the same University and then we are stuck/have to change last minute?
What if we break up half way through the year and have to live together as exes?
Is it realistic to think that a relationship of only 8 months will last until September next year, let alone through University?
- Is it better to accept that we will break apart due to University and focus on which place is right for us as individuals purely down to personal preference, not taking into consideration it's location in relation to the other person?
(We already agreed we couldn't do long distance as he's been cheated on in the past and although he trusts me he says the paranoia would put an unhealthy strain on the relationship and if it got to that point he'd rather we left on a positive note than get to the point where he felt like a controlling maniac and I hated him)
Sorry for the super long post. Does anyone have experience with this or opinions? Good idea? Bad Idea? Pros/cons? Things I'm being oblivious/naive to? I'm just a bit stuck with what to do, any input is welcome. Thanks!!
Despite this, we are trying to find a University we can both attend and share accommodation somewhere between both our lecture buildings, or something like that. However it is making an already difficult task (choosing a University) significantly more challenging. Not only this, but is going to University/sharing accommodation with your partner even a good idea?
We have been together 8 months and I have been in long term relationships before ours but none have felt this serious or real, he is very much my "first love" or whatever. We spend 3-6 days a week together and usually at least 3-4 nights together each week so we are accustomed to being in each other's presence a lot, so moving in together wouldn't be a huge leap.
My main concerns are:
What if we break up after we have decided to live together and attend the same University and then we are stuck/have to change last minute?
What if we break up half way through the year and have to live together as exes?
Is it realistic to think that a relationship of only 8 months will last until September next year, let alone through University?
- Is it better to accept that we will break apart due to University and focus on which place is right for us as individuals purely down to personal preference, not taking into consideration it's location in relation to the other person?
(We already agreed we couldn't do long distance as he's been cheated on in the past and although he trusts me he says the paranoia would put an unhealthy strain on the relationship and if it got to that point he'd rather we left on a positive note than get to the point where he felt like a controlling maniac and I hated him)
Sorry for the super long post. Does anyone have experience with this or opinions? Good idea? Bad Idea? Pros/cons? Things I'm being oblivious/naive to? I'm just a bit stuck with what to do, any input is welcome. Thanks!!
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It's a cute idea, but I think it's a bad one. Don't put your eggs in one basket, make sure your university is right for you rather than your relationship. You could always compromise and make sure the Unis arent far apart I guess, depends how "loved" up you are
Sounds like you actually have quite a mature perspective and you raise legitimate issues.
This is your education. You are paying tens of thousands of pounds to attend whatever institution. Do it for the right reasons. You shouldn't have to make such large compromises at this stage in your life. If it were me, I'd end on a positive note and head to university in the traditional way, living in halls etc.
Anecdotally, every relationship I know of that started before uni..didn't last.
This is your education. You are paying tens of thousands of pounds to attend whatever institution. Do it for the right reasons. You shouldn't have to make such large compromises at this stage in your life. If it were me, I'd end on a positive note and head to university in the traditional way, living in halls etc.
Anecdotally, every relationship I know of that started before uni..didn't last.
Original post by hezzlington
Sounds like you actually have quite a mature perspective and you raise legitimate issues.
This is your education. You are paying tens of thousands of pounds to attend whatever institution. Do it for the right reasons. You shouldn't have to make such large compromises at this stage in your life. If it were me, I'd end on a positive note and head to university in the traditional way, living in halls etc.
Anecdotally, every relationship I know of that started before uni..didn't last.
This is your education. You are paying tens of thousands of pounds to attend whatever institution. Do it for the right reasons. You shouldn't have to make such large compromises at this stage in your life. If it were me, I'd end on a positive note and head to university in the traditional way, living in halls etc.
Anecdotally, every relationship I know of that started before uni..didn't last.
Thanks for your advice!
A part of me wants to be able to start University with a clean slate: freedom, living on my own for the first time, meeting a whole new set of people, being my own person etc. However I know if we break up now I will really struggle to keep on top of my A-Levels for at least a while; I can acknowledge that it will really hurt me as I care about him greatly. Similarly if we split just before the start of University I would likely be going off on my uni adventure and spending my nights crying into my pillow over my lost love
(that was a joke but you get the picture). I really don't want to miss out on the University experience or have to compromise and regret it later in life because of a relationship I had when I was 18. In a similar way though I don't want to look back in 5 years and realise I haven't found another person who makes me as happy as he does and that I might have ruined a once in a life time thing.
I feel like a girl in a movie trying to choose between love and something else I can't think what but it's driving me insane, I'm usually very matter of fact so this is extremely unfamiliar and frustrating to me. I'm too young to be in love this is a pain in the arse
Original post by elllietate
is going to University/sharing accommodation with your partner even a good idea?
We have been together 8 months
No.
Okay..... here is my two cents. You are very lucky to have found a guy who is as wonderful as you describe. If you read much on TSR you see many, many relationships simply don't work as well as yours seems to be. Yes, if you both are happy in your current relationship then there is no reason to think you won't be together next Sept. So, with that being said I wouldn't necessarily break up just because you're heading to uni. IF you can find a really good uni that works for both of you then apply and see what happens. If you both get in, great! Now, I firmly believe that you should not move into together!!! Do. not. move. in. together!!! You only get one shot at being an undergraduate! This is your time to meet platonic friends and go out to clubs and parties (and, yes, study) and hang out in the halls. I would add that I'd encourage you to even do a catered hall if possible. Your fresher year should be full of fun and be special. You will both have to let go of each other enough to let the other person have these experiences. Some things you can do together but many things you should do separately with your new friends. It's important that you both have friends there separate from each other!!! Really important. If either of you can't let the other spread your wings at uni then you should reevaluate staying together. One thing is for sure.... you will set yourself up for a miserable uni experience if you limit yourself to each other starting in your fresher year and don't seek out other friends. IF after your fresher year you've managed to stay together then you can discuss moving in together.
I agree with the above poster that you need to remember you are investing thousands on your education and you need to choose the uni that will help you with a future career and not just going somewhere to follow or be with your boyfriend but, if there is a uni that would work well for both of you then that is great!
You need to trust that life has a way of working out for the best - it really does. If you end up not staying with your bf I have no doubt that you'll find someone else equally special. Don't live your life stressing about what ifs. There are too many scenarios to worry about.
And, by the way, I do know couples who have stayed together who started dating before uni. To be honest most do ultimately break up usually during the fresher year but I definitely have friends who've made it work. Best of luck!
I agree with the above poster that you need to remember you are investing thousands on your education and you need to choose the uni that will help you with a future career and not just going somewhere to follow or be with your boyfriend but, if there is a uni that would work well for both of you then that is great!
You need to trust that life has a way of working out for the best - it really does. If you end up not staying with your bf I have no doubt that you'll find someone else equally special. Don't live your life stressing about what ifs. There are too many scenarios to worry about.
And, by the way, I do know couples who have stayed together who started dating before uni. To be honest most do ultimately break up usually during the fresher year but I definitely have friends who've made it work. Best of luck!
As the others have said you need to find the uni and course that's right for you. If you have a choice you might be able to pick places which aren't too far apart so you could still see each other fairly regularly but you don't want to be in a situation in a couple of years time where you went to a uni you didn't really want to go to and ended up breaking up anyway.
I really wouldn't recommend moving in together until you've graduated - a lot changes when you go to uni and while it's possible you'll still be together at the end of it, statistically it's not that likely to be honest...
I really wouldn't recommend moving in together until you've graduated - a lot changes when you go to uni and while it's possible you'll still be together at the end of it, statistically it's not that likely to be honest...
Sad that he can't do long distance, but it's for the best that you go to whatever uni is best for you. Not one where you want to compromise to go to the uni and share accommodation etc. Could turn out to be a mistake as well, who knows.
@Rhaenys10 Girls are not naive X
Original post by samantham999
@Rhaenys10 Girls are not naive X
don t challenge me
Original post by Rhaenys10
don t challenge me
I won't argue this time but just look at the thread LOL
My heart sank a little when I read this. I'm not going to patronise you by wheeling out the whole 'oh, it's just some flash-in-the-pan teenage romance and stop being so silly about it' but think - isn't the rest of your life career-wise (and who knows what else, given the opportunities for doing things at University that you'll be presented with) more important than your current relationship? And if it really is 'to be', then it will weather the distance.
Don't go to the same university as him
Don't compromise on your education. It's not worth it. If he is going to be paranoid about you cheating on him if you two go to separate universities, then that shows that he does not trust you even if he claims to. That there is a big enough warning sign that this is a bad idea.
I've been cheated on before and find it extremely hard to trust people. And yet I still completely trust that my boyfriend of over a year and half, who is currently surrounded by half-naked girls everyday while on vacation in Anaheim, is remaining faithful.
I've been cheated on before and find it extremely hard to trust people. And yet I still completely trust that my boyfriend of over a year and half, who is currently surrounded by half-naked girls everyday while on vacation in Anaheim, is remaining faithful.
(edited 7 years ago)
Original post by samantham999
I won't argue this time but just look at the thread LOL
I know
OP is being rather delusional
Original post by PrinceOfOrange
It's a cute idea, but I think it's a bad one. Don't put your eggs in one basket, make sure your university is right for you rather than your relationship. You could always compromise and make sure the Unis arent far apart I guess, depends how "loved" up you are
and be careful of entwining your lives too much incase university turns out to reveal a significant change or realisation of a difference in your collective desires ...
I dont think universities give you the option to move in with someone, usually they assign you your accommodation. If its halls anyway.
If you are going to look for your own place thats another thing. Also, 2nd and third years will already have most of the houses around the unit already.
If you are going to look for your own place thats another thing. Also, 2nd and third years will already have most of the houses around the unit already.
Original post by Rhaenys10
I know
OP is being rather delusional
OP is being rather delusional
Woo, we finally agree on something!
Original post by Hopefully1
Okay..... here is my two cents. You are very lucky to have found a guy who is as wonderful as you describe. If you read much on TSR you see many, many relationships simply don't work as well as yours seems to be. Yes, if you both are happy in your current relationship then there is no reason to think you won't be together next Sept. So, with that being said I wouldn't necessarily break up just because you're heading to uni. IF you can find a really good uni that works for both of you then apply and see what happens. If you both get in, great! Now, I firmly believe that you should not move into together!!! Do. not. move. in. together!!! You only get one shot at being an undergraduate! This is your time to meet platonic friends and go out to clubs and parties (and, yes, study) and hang out in the halls. I would add that I'd encourage you to even do a catered hall if possible. Your fresher year should be full of fun and be special. You will both have to let go of each other enough to let the other person have these experiences. Some things you can do together but many things you should do separately with your new friends. It's important that you both have friends there separate from each other!!! Really important. If either of you can't let the other spread your wings at uni then you should reevaluate staying together. One thing is for sure.... you will set yourself up for a miserable uni experience if you limit yourself to each other starting in your fresher year and don't seek out other friends. IF after your fresher year you've managed to stay together then you can discuss moving in together.
I agree with the above poster that you need to remember you are investing thousands on your education and you need to choose the uni that will help you with a future career and not just going somewhere to follow or be with your boyfriend but, if there is a uni that would work well for both of you then that is great!
You need to trust that life has a way of working out for the best - it really does. If you end up not staying with your bf I have no doubt that you'll find someone else equally special. Don't live your life stressing about what ifs. There are too many scenarios to worry about.
And, by the way, I do know couples who have stayed together who started dating before uni. To be honest most do ultimately break up usually during the fresher year but I definitely have friends who've made it work. Best of luck!
I agree with the above poster that you need to remember you are investing thousands on your education and you need to choose the uni that will help you with a future career and not just going somewhere to follow or be with your boyfriend but, if there is a uni that would work well for both of you then that is great!
You need to trust that life has a way of working out for the best - it really does. If you end up not staying with your bf I have no doubt that you'll find someone else equally special. Don't live your life stressing about what ifs. There are too many scenarios to worry about.
And, by the way, I do know couples who have stayed together who started dating before uni. To be honest most do ultimately break up usually during the fresher year but I definitely have friends who've made it work. Best of luck!
Thank you so much for your advice
I'm definitely going to think about it more seriously, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't being biased because of my feelings but I'm aware Uni is a once in a life time thing and I need to be realistic about whether my relationship will last and what is more important to me. I think currently my best bet is the simply go on which Uni I like best and if it happens to be one close to him then if we last through first year we could potentially move in together after a year in halls.
Original post by elllietate
Thanks for your advice!
A part of me wants to be able to start University with a clean slate: freedom, living on my own for the first time, meeting a whole new set of people, being my own person etc. However I know if we break up now I will really struggle to keep on top of my A-Levels for at least a while; I can acknowledge that it will really hurt me as I care about him greatly. Similarly if we split just before the start of University I would likely be going off on my uni adventure and spending my nights crying into my pillow over my lost love (that was a joke but you get the picture).
I really don't want to miss out on the University experience or have to compromise and regret it later in life because of a relationship I had when I was 18. In a similar way though I don't want to look back in 5 years and realise I haven't found another person who makes me as happy as he does and that I might have ruined a once in a life time thing.
I feel like a girl in a movie trying to choose between love and something else I can't think what but it's driving me insane, I'm usually very matter of fact so this is extremely unfamiliar and frustrating to me. I'm too young to be in love this is a pain in the arse
A part of me wants to be able to start University with a clean slate: freedom, living on my own for the first time, meeting a whole new set of people, being my own person etc. However I know if we break up now I will really struggle to keep on top of my A-Levels for at least a while; I can acknowledge that it will really hurt me as I care about him greatly. Similarly if we split just before the start of University I would likely be going off on my uni adventure and spending my nights crying into my pillow over my lost love
(that was a joke but you get the picture). I really don't want to miss out on the University experience or have to compromise and regret it later in life because of a relationship I had when I was 18. In a similar way though I don't want to look back in 5 years and realise I haven't found another person who makes me as happy as he does and that I might have ruined a once in a life time thing.
I feel like a girl in a movie trying to choose between love and something else I can't think what but it's driving me insane, I'm usually very matter of fact so this is extremely unfamiliar and frustrating to me. I'm too young to be in love this is a pain in the arse
Why do you need another person to make you happy? are you not happy by yourself or do you need to rely on another person?
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