Can a relationship survive class divide

Hi I have a bit of a problem. I started a relationship with a guy about 4 months ago when we discovered we were going to the same university we become really close, however I'm really struggling to cope with the "class divide" that exists between our families.

I really don't want to sound snobby but his family are incredibly working class whereas my family is rather middle class. For example his parents live in a council house and I live in a large Victorian house. His family went to an underachieving state school, I went to a decent boarding school etc.

I never thought something like this would be a problem but I'm finding it really difficult to feel comfortable with his family, and to an extent him when he is with his family. His family act like a bunch of football hooligans! They are constantly yelling, come across as very aggressive, are covered head to toe in tatooes and piercings only eat take away or fast food meals and use foul language, even around their kids. Normally my boyfriend acts very kind, loving and respectable and you wouldn't be able guess he comes from this kind of family but when he is around his family he acts just like them.

So to cut to the chase: can a relationship survive such a major class divide? I love my boyfriend and we both agreed we are in it for the long term. I just don't know if I can cope with his family forever. I'm terrified for when our two families will meet. I really don't think my parents will approve. Also I don't know if I would be happy having these people as my inlaws or as grandparents, aunts and uncles to any kids we might have (maybe getting a bit ahead of myself here). I also feel guilty for being so judgemental :frown:

Thanks for reading and for any advice.

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Reply 1

999tigger

Imo yes if you want it to as its more to do with you and him rather than respective families.

That said the class side does seem to matter to you a fair bit. Maybe just stay away from his family so they dont ipset you. mayeb its their borish behaviour that upsets you more than how much money or property they have? Obly you know what is affecting you.

In perspective a relationship of 4 months isnt old so be realistic. Most relationships end, especially those at a younger age. You are overthinking it. At some stage you can talk to your bf about your differences and what you find awkward, but only when you are prepared for the answer and you feel you have sufficient trust in each other.

Reply 2

Reality Check

Yuk, what a horrible little snob you are. I doubt very much you went to a 'decent' school - most people who do wouldn't dream of being so snotty.

Reply 3

user382

If you loved him that much you probably wouldn't be asking this question.

Enjoy it while it lasts but accept that this won't be the guy you settle down etc with.

Reply 4

the bear

your young gentleman is clearly trying to make something of his life by going to University... he is clearly willing to reject the traditional working class antipathy to academe. with your encouragement and support he can transition out of the working class.

Reply 5

Reality Check

Original post by the bear

with your encouragement and support he can transition out of the working class.

. "Transition out of the working class" - who do you think you are, The Dowager Countess...?!

Reply 6

Anonymous #2

Original post by Reality Check

. "Transition out of the working class" - who do you think you are, The Dowager Countess...?!

the bear has made a valid point here.

Reply 7

Reality Check

Original post by Anonymous

the bear has made a valid point here.

About what? I don't usually get riled up about TSR posts but snotty precocious children are more than unbearable.

Reply 8

lulucoco98

This story will make a great novel!!!

Reply 9

Nirvana1989-1994

Yeah, the only possible reason for them acting that way is because they're working class, give me strength....

Reply 10

Anonymous #1

Original post by 999tigger

It's most certainly not about how much money and property they have I don't care about that. My mother came from a tiny working class Welsh mining village and I still love and respect her and her family more than I can possibly express in words. It really is their behaviour I dislike. They act so aggressive towards each other. I would never think about yelling and swearing in front on guests and children yet they do it constantly. My boyfriend doesn't swear or yell but he laughs and jokes along with them and doesn't seem to care about their behaviour.

Original post by stefano865

If you loved him that much you probably wouldn't be asking this question.

Enjoy it while it lasts but accept that this won't be the guy you settle down etc with.

I disagree. The problem isn't him in the slightest. It is about whether I can cope with being with his family constantly. They live very close to the university so I spend a lot of time with them, my family live 4 hours away.

Original post by Reality Check

Yuk, what a horrible little snob you are. I doubt very much you went to a 'decent' school - most people who do wouldn't dream of being so snotty.

I don't consider myself a snob. Do you honestly think the behaviour of his family is acceptable?

Reply 11

MrsSheldonCooper

No offence but you sound so snobby.

And as for the question, majority of the working class people I know who have dated middle class people haven't lasted long with them. There's couples out there who come from different classes and last for ages though.

Reply 12

Reality Check

Original post by Nirvana1989-1994

Yeah, the only possible reason for them acting that way is because they're working class, give me strength....

PRSOM

Reply 13

Nirvana1989-1994

Original post by Reality Check

PRSOM

Reply 14

Anonymous #1

Original post by MrsSheldonCooper

I'm sorry I've come across this way, how can I still explain my problem honestly without coming across as snobby? Maybe "class divide" wasn't the most appropriate why to describe it but I don't know what the alternative is.

Thank you for sharing your experience. I certainly would never have thought this kind of social divide would be a problem in a relationship. I love my boyfriend and he acts like a gentleman. His family's behaviour just makes it really difficult to be around them.

Reply 15

MrsSheldonCooper

Original post by Anonymous

Yeah I get you. But tbh you'll be living and spending your life with your bf, not his family :smile:

Reply 16

Results

Original post by Reality Check

Yuk, what a horrible little snob you are. I doubt very much you went to a 'decent' school - most people who do wouldn't dream of being so snotty.

You're hardly any better mate.

Finding it easy to criticize...but look at what you've just said and how you've worded it.

Reply 17

Reality Check

Original post by Results

You're hardly any better mate.

Finding it easy to criticize...but look at what you've just said and how you've worded it.

What? People who go to top independent schools tend not to look down on others in the same way as those who went to some tin pot 'private' school. In my experience. I don't see what's wrong with saying that.