Do I have a right to be annoyed and upset with my housemates?

Yes, you do have a right to be annoyed and upset with your housemates. They sound like they may be people who don't like to say no and who may get off on the undoubted highs of being with 'edgy' people.

But next year's accommodation decisions are still a fair old way off so getting into a lather about your friends 'sticking with' this person and thinking this means you have no-one to share with next year so your only option is to live at home is taking things too far (look how well this other person has done - go all pathetic and "I've got nowhere to go" and people will let you in, and accept you behaving badly. I don't recommend the whole strategy but it does show that you have more options than you think)

Your friends may well soon reach similar conclusions as your own. You can't do much about whether that happens. What you can do is take steps to making some new friends.

You might even want to consider whether you could move at this stage since your much more immediate problem is living with someone you just don't like anyway, and who is having a real impact now.

Reply 81

ThePricklyOne

18

Original post by jake-1996

I'm in my second year of uni and there are 6 of us sharing a house. Originally it was only supposed to be 5 but someone joined last minute because he didn't have anywhere else to go. I didn't want this to happen but there was nothing I could do about it. Anyway me and this other guy don't get on well and since the house has started talking about living arrangements for next year, I have said I't best if me and that guy don't live together. All of the other house including my so called best friend said they want to live with him and I am left on my own which means I will need to commute from home next year since there is no one else I can live with. My best friend said it'll be ok since she will make the effort to visit me but I don't think that makes up for the fact they're practically kicking me out on my own. Do I have a right to be angry and upset with my housemates?

You have the right to be angry about the situation, but you can't force everyone to kick the other guy out. Don't burn your bridges by shouting at them, or they'll be kicking you out.

There are choices open to you:

1) Put up with it. There's just 1 year to go on your degree. It's not long to wait. Just spend most of your time out of the house, and soon you'll graduate and outta the place. As long as you haven't fallen out with your flat mates.

2) Find another place, give notice to the landlord, pay your share and move out. But there's no guarantee you get nicer flat mates. Ask your uni's Student Accommodation Office or Student Union to help find a place.

3) Move to uni accommodation - it'll be more expensive than flat share but it'll be just you in a room & no sharing & less stress for your finals. I did this for my finals and it was the best thing. Just make sure they stick you with the post grads so it's quieter.

4) Commute from home - cheaper still & you can do your uni work in the train. There's a mature student on my course who commutes 2 hours+ each way from home to uni & back. She bought a MAC to work/revise on her commute.

Good luck mate & hope it works out for you.

Reply 82

doodle_333

19

Original post by jake-1996

I have explained what the problem is. He's broken some of my possessions and complained when I asked to be payed for them, he's constantly on drugs, refuses to clean up after himself and uses my things without asking. We've had meetings about it but he hasn't changed his behaviour

what has he broken?

I think the same point still stands... you forced your flatmates to choose and you're the one refusing to live there (and making the choice easy)

it's not nice to live with someone like that but majority rules in student houses and clearly your flatmates aren't too bothered about his behaviour

you should also bear in mind that their opinions might chance in a few months if he continues to be a rubbish flatmate so maybe show willing and be friendly for now and see if he pisses them off enough before they sign anything

Reply 83

999tigger

19

Having had a bit more thought on this.

From the flatmates perspective then you are forcing them to choose, so part of this is your fault. They will resent you for that.

Put a lock on your door (ask LLs permission) or you can get temp a one.
Alternatively put a security camera in your room and make it clear hes not allowed in there.

You have to weigh up whether you are cutting your nose off to spite your face.

Reply 84

ToussJ

1

So you're in a house and you expect them to kick a guy out when everyone except you has no problem with him? That's 4 against 1. You keep looking at it as if they said "Right, get out of the house, we like new guy better" when it seems to me more like "We're not gonna kick new guy out just because you say so" "RIGHT THEN I'M LEAVING YOU BACKSTABBERS". That's how it seems to me.

Reply 85

Muttley79

20

Original post by jake-1996

How am I acting like a child for not wanting to live with someone I don't get on with? I didn't want to throw him out on his ear since he has other options whereas I dont

How hard have you tried to find others to share with? It's very early to be looking ..

Why not just move into halls- lots of people do that for finals - no need to commute from home.

Reply 86

jake-1996

OP

3

Original post by Muttley79

How hard have you tried to find others to share with? It's very early to be looking ..

Why not just move into halls- lots of people do that for finals - no need to commute from home.

I don't really want to live back in halls and I don't know anyone else well enough to ask to move in with them. My main friends are the people I am living with now who have no issues with practically kicking me out

Reply 87

jake-1996

OP

3

Original post by ToussJ

So you're in a house and you expect them to kick a guy out when everyone except you has no problem with him? That's 4 against 1. You keep looking at it as if they said "Right, get out of the house, we like new guy better" when it seems to me more like "We're not gonna kick new guy out just because you say so" "RIGHT THEN I'M LEAVING YOU BACKSTABBERS". That's how it seems to me.

It's not really kicking him out. I'm talking s out when we need to find a new house for next year and he has other offers to live with a different group of people who he gets on with better than this house anyway. The way I see it is they will have no problem with getting me to leave so yeah I do feel like they've stabbed me in the back

Reply 88

username2459871

18

Original post by jake-1996

I'm in my second year of uni and there are 6 of us sharing a house. Originally it was only supposed to be 5 but someone joined last minute because he didn't have anywhere else to go. I didn't want this to happen but there was nothing I could do about it. Anyway me and this other guy don't get on well and since the house has started talking about living arrangements for next year, I have said I't best if me and that guy don't live together. All of the other house including my so called best friend said they want to live with him and I am left on my own which means I will need to commute from home next year since there is no one else I can live with. My best friend said it'll be ok since she will make the effort to visit me but I don't think that makes up for the fact they're practically kicking me out on my own. Do I have a right to be angry and upset with my housemates?

Nah, youre the only one who doesnt want to live with him so youve been outvoted. Either put up with it or leave and stop whining.

Also if you dont want to commute why cant you just find a studio flat or a room in some private student halls? Its not difficult

Reply 89

markova21

21

Have you not made any friends from your actual course? Do one of them have a spare place in their accommodation? Or do you only have friends in your current accommodation and nowhere else?

Reply 90

Klix88

17

Maybe a habitual drug use is easier to deal with than you are. You said you had an anger problem (which I can well believe based on your posts here) - I wouldn't want to share a house with someone who had an anger problem. Maybe you've given your housemates an escape route from you.

Bear in mind that your uni living situation is only ever going to be temporary. Come the end of uni you will have to make your own way anyhow. All of your friends will go their own ways and you will need to sort your life out for yourself. Just start early.

(edited 7 years ago)

Reply 91

jake-1996

OP

3

Original post by Klix88

Maybe a habitual drug use is easier to deal with than you are. You said you had an anger problem (which I can well believe based on your posts here) - I wouldn't want to share a house with someone who had an anger problem. Maybe you've given your housemates an escape route from you.

Bear in mind that your uni living situation is only ever going to be temporary. Come the end of uni you will have to make your own way anyhow. All of your friends will go their own ways and you will need to sort your life out for yourself. Just start early.

The anger problem is practically under control and I am easy to live with. I get on well with all the other housemates

Original post by jake-1996

The anger problem is practically under control and I am easy to live with. I get on well with all the other housemates

But you clearly have no ability to view things from someone else's perspective. I'm afraid your housemates have made the decision that they prefer to live with a habitual drug user than with an angry person. However, hard that is for you to hear and understand, it is quite clearly what has happened.

So you need to consider a) how you can even better control your anger and be a better housemate, and b) stop blocking other options, of which you have many, and consider alternative accommodation. If you can resolve point a over the next few months, you might not need to resort to point b.

Reply 93

Klix88

17

Original post by jake-1996

The anger problem is practically under control and I am easy to live with. I get on well with all the other housemates

There must be something about you, which is making them choose a drug user over you. So far you have an almost-controlled anger problem, you force them into choosing between you and a drug user and then you get angry when they make that choice.

If they have a straight choice between you and a drug user, there is simply something about you which makes you the poorer choice. They are entitled to like somebody else more than you and you have somehow given them reason to.

From what you've written here, I strongly doubt that you're "easy to live with." All the evidence points to the contrary. If you got on that well, they would have chosen you. They didn't. You can't hang onto a uni friend group for the rest of your life. Move on.

Reply 94

jake-1996

OP

3

Original post by Klix88

There must be something about you, which is making them choose a drug user over you. So far you have an almost-controlled anger problem, you force them into choosing between you and a drug user and then you get angry when they make that choice.

If they have a straight choice between you and a drug user, there is simply something about you which makes you the poorer choice. They are entitled to like somebody else more than you and you have somehow given them reason to.

From what you've written here, I strongly doubt that you're "easy to live with." All the evidence points to the contrary. If you got on that well, they would have chosen you. They didn't. You can't hang onto a uni friend group for the rest of your life. Move on.

I am easy to live with. I get on with all the other house mates, it's just this one that I don't really get on with

Reply 95

Tubbz

20

Original post by jake-1996

I am easy to live with. I get on with all the other house mates, it's just this one that I don't really get on with

He must be easier to live with then, because they've chosen his drug taking over you.

It clearly only bothers you in the house enough to say something, so either put up with it, or move out. They like him more than you, even with the choices he makes. Just because you don't have any where else to go, doesn't mean they should choose you over him.

What started out as you thinking you were in the right and they were back stabbing you now has seemingly brought out the fact they just don't like you that much

Reply 96

Luneth

12

Original post by jake-1996

I am easy to live with

Based on what, your own opinion? Have you considered that you aren't as good of a friend as you think you are, and that maybe you're just seeing something that isn't there?