How do you "speak" to someone who lets their spouse get diabetes and asthma?

will'o'wisp

It was seriously preventable yet he never let her have a check up when he got one himself?

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Reply 1

choleCcarknif3r

Original post by will'o'wisp

It was seriously preventable yet he never let her have a check up when he got one himself?

You could explain how she needs to get to the doctor more often because of her health issues and go from there. How did he let her get asthma though?

Reply 2

doodle_333

You're going to have to explain more. Are you talking about someone who smoked/ate too much etc and the partner never prompted them to stop or are you talking about someone who showed signs of developing an illness and the partner physically prevented them accessing a doctor. The first is forgivable but sad, the second is abuse (although it's very possible a doctor wouldn't have prevented any illness.

Reply 3

emmald583

I'm also confused about the asthma part. Mostly all the certain causes of asthma are either genetic or determined when you are a child. Do you mean that she already had asthma, but he keeps doing things that trigger it and won't take her to the doctor for treatment?

Reply 4

Tiger Rag

I'm confused as well. Surely, as an adult, she can go to the doctors herself?

Reply 5

will'o'wisp

Original post by chelseadagg3r

You could explain how she needs to get to the doctor more often because of her health issues and go from there. How did he let her get asthma though?

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emotions – including stress or laughter

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food additives – including sulphites (often found in pickled products, wine, beer and dried fruit) and tartrazine (a yellow food colouring)

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allergens – including pollen, dust mites, animal fur ("dander") or feathers

The emotions bit i guess, he just shouts all the time and thinks he's always right, still it's not the only cause.

Original post by doodle_333

My mum never smoked or ate too much. Dad prevented my mum getting a checkup at the time, it's too late now.

The bs my dad is spewing "oh it's obviously the unhealthy stuff u eat" and i'm like what the fun dude, the last time she even went to a fast food chain was YEARS AGO. My mum is almost always healthy(she's in the want to lose weight mode rn)

Basically my mum has type 2 diabetes and we didn't know any of the symptoms until my mum decided to go and get tested, we never knew she had a problem. So technically my dad let my mum get diabetes and prevent her from getting a checkup which means no carbs i think.

Original post by emmald583

See above

Original post by Tiger Rag

I'm confused as well. Surely, as an adult, she can go to the doctors herself?

Well it's kinda hard to explain but he was borderline abusive when nothing happens unless he says it can happen, now not so bad because divorce

Reply 6

AmeliaLost

Could have just been late onset asthma. My dad got diagnosed with asthma at 50 and he's never smoked etc.

Also sounds like your dad is straight up abusive, not "borderline"...

Reply 7

choleCcarknif3r

Original post by will'o'wisp

x

I'm confused. How did he stop her getting check-ups? And if there were no signs of diabetes, how could they have known?

Reply 8

will'o'wisp

Original post by chelseadagg3r

I'm confused. How did he stop her getting check-ups? And if there were no signs of diabetes, how could they have known?

She wasn't able to go out unless she told my dad where she was going, if she lied it's a shouting match. Plus at the time my mum and dad could both go for checkups but my dad probably told the person that his spouse doesn't need one and thus she never got one. Everything he says goes. That is that.

See below the late onset asthma thingy

Original post by AmeliaLost

Could have just been late onset asthma. My dad got diagnosed with asthma at 50 and he's never smoked etc.

Also sounds like your dad is straight up abusive, not "borderline"...

I think this is the correct thing which has gone on here.

He's not so bad now but he just used my mum -.-'

Reply 9

z33

He cant not let her do something
Shes got free will - if he is abusive she could leave him or if its that bad just say shes going to the shops and go to an appointment

Shes got to take responsibility for herself too...

Reply 10

AmeliaLost

Original post by z33

Abusive relationships are complicated. Everyone says this until they've been in one - people have an enormous capability to break you down slowly and make you disbelieve yourself. Please be careful in judging situations like this x

Reply 11

choleCcarknif3r

Original post by will'o'wisp

Oh, okay. Yeah I understand. I'm not sure you can really attribute the asthma to him but he definitely shouldn't have treated her that way. My parents were the same, so I can understand how difficult it can be from your side

Reply 12

Tiger Rag

Original post by AmeliaLost

Could have just been late onset asthma. My dad got diagnosed with asthma at 50 and he's never smoked etc.

Also sounds like your dad is straight up abusive, not "borderline"...

Indeed. My mum got it in her late 40s. We've been told told there's a genetic link.

Reply 13

will'o'wisp

Original post by z33

This is a long time ago we're talking about probably 3-5 years ago, of course this past year or 2 she's learned to lie well and since my dad pushed for a divorce yet didn't do anything my mum did it.

Original post by chelseadagg3r

Well it's only gettign worse the finance settlement is screwed because my dad is basically being a huge ****. There's no other word for it.

Reply 14

z33

Original post by AmeliaLost

I've witnessed many
You dont speak to the abuser you speak to the victim and support them
Like I would say im taking her out shopping and physically take her to an appointment then buy something on the way back/ right before so it looks believable

You just have to stick by them and essentially let them lean on you until they can get back up by themselves but they cant sit and do nothing they have to cooperate and try.

Reply 15

AmeliaLost

Original post by z33

Not everyone has someone who's able to do this, or even anyone who realises it's abuse around them. You were basically blaming the woman before, which isn't really fair...

Reply 16

cbblitz

Thread is stupid.

You are focusing on things that aren't the fault of the abuse, and not focusing on the abuse itself.

Reply 17

will'o'wisp

Original post by z33

In this case speaking to my mum won't really help, the current situation is the finance settlement still the point of this thread is to show what sort of kind person my dad is

Original post by cbblitz

Thread is stupid.

You are focusing on things that aren't the fault of the abuse, and not focusing on the abuse itself.

This was years ago the problem now isn't the abuse really but my dad being a huge ****ing **** about the finance settlement and wanting everything for himself and wanting to leave my mum a pauper.

Reply 18

cbblitz

Original post by will'o'wisp

This was years ago the problem now isn't the abuse really but my dad being a huge ****ing **** about the finance settlement and wanting everything for himself and wanting to leave my mum a pauper.

Your dads a c.unt, fine. But don't zero in on things like diabetes and asthma as your target. Just consider the dude a c.unt and move on.

If the courts rule that your father gets whatever he gets in the finance settlement, you just have to accept it. People choose to get married. These are consequences of marrying someone you don't know 100%.

Reply 19

AmeliaLost

Original post by will'o'wisp

...
This was years ago the problem now isn't the abuse really but my dad being a huge ****ing **** about the finance settlement and wanting everything for himself and wanting to leave my mum a pauper.