University has only got me worried

MK2016

Hi. Not really done this before so don't know where to start. Hopefully somebody sees this. I just really need some input because I feel really stuck. I'm also not totally sure how to express this in words so apologies in advance for how long + incoherent this may be...

Basically, I started uni about 7-8 weeks ago after taking a year out to decide what I really wanted to do and the semester has about 4 weeks left before exams start. Truthfully, I wasn't sure I really wanted to go but almost felt pressured into it because people expected me to go. I do want a good life, obviously, which is why i thought I would just go as this was the best way to go about that. I got onto a decent course at a good uni because I always got ok results in school, but my head's a mess and I now feel completely lost. I don't remember a lot from my school due to the year in-between and the course is too hard, no to mention I just don't enjoy the content. I told my mum and dad, and they convinced me to speak to my tutor (who's useless, by the way) about switching to a course I enjoy more, but its just the same thing again. Me feeling pressured into doing it because they don't want me to leave.
And in order to switch course, I need to finish this semesters courses first before I can switch, which means passing the exams in a months time which I can't see happening. Therefore, I fail first year, have to leave uni and I'm right back to square one

To be totally honest, part of me thinks if I failed this year I'd be more relieved than upset because it's affecting me outside of uni just as much. I don't sleep very much anymore out of worrying so I always feel totally drained. All my friends live around here but go to different universities and they're making new friends and enjoying themselves, meaning I see them less and less. Even my best friend since primary school, who I used to speak to every day, I don't see or talk to anymore. I'm not very forthcoming as a person, so haven't really made many friends and the ones I have just annoy me now. So despite living at home I feel so isolated and alone. I think to myself, "what if I just didn't wake up? What if everything just stopped?". Whenever think about the future I just cry.

It's a month and a bit until Christmas, usually my favourite time of year, but I just feel depressed. So please, if someone can try and help with any of this I'd be so grateful. Really sorry again about how long this was, but I had to get it out of my system.

Reply 1

Inspiringvisons

What course are you doing?
What career path are you interested in?
What is the biggest issue about your university.
Did you feel like this before you started?

Reply 2

MK2016

Original post by Inspiringvisons

What course are you doing?
What career path are you interested in?
What is the biggest issue about your university.
Did you feel like this before you started?

I'm doing Geophysics. Not going to insult your intelligence by telling you what that involves, but its really not something I see myself doing. And I think you've brought up the major problem in that I don't know what i want to do. My dream would be to work in something to do with music (I don't mean be in a band or anything) but I know that isn't realistically going to happen as I never did music at school, it was just a hobby I enjoyed :/ I always did science-type subjects at school as it was what my school was best at, really

Biggest issue is like I said, I really don't enjoy the course I'm on and the thought of carrying on with it just makes me miserable. And I did have doubts beforehand but put it down to nerves and felt I had to give it a proper go.