My father has a serious alcoholic problem - how can I help him?

Me: 25yr old, young professional.

It upsets me to write this but my father has a problem with alcoholism. He is a professional in a good job. He doesn't drink (usually on weekdays) but on Friday, Saturday and Sunday he binges. I'm talking 1-2 bottles of wine a night, perhaps half a bottle of whiskey too.

He is not violent, but it really hurts to see my father kill himself like this. I have spoken to him about it, when drunk and when sober, and he carries on. He has not even seen me get married, have children or any other major milestone and I fear I will wake up one day and he won't. What saddens me more is my Dad is my hero to me, a good friend and I have always looked up to him. It feels weird that now he needs me, he needs me more than ever.

I have a few questions:

1) Can I get an order to force him go to rehab? I know if he got the help he needed, he could fix himself.

2) There is a bar he goes to, which knowingly sells him alcoholic drinks when he way past his limit. It really makes me angry they serve him, how can I get them to stop? or inform authorities? (I would rather inform authorities anonymously)

3) What is alcoholics anonymous like? There is one just down my road, what is it like?

4) I'd appreciate any support/anecdotes that anyone has to help me through this.

Thanks,

Distressed TSR user :frown:

Reply 1

Anonymous #2

I'm sorry to hear this. My father died a few years ago at 70, from cirrhosis of the liver. I saw it happening, over decades, but never managed to stop him going back to drink. There were times when he appeared to be off it, but he had things going on in his life that were difficult, which always sent him back to alcohol.

It's a hard problem. Please do try, but don't blame yourself for his decisions, or failing to stop him. I would try to work-out why he is drinking, and see if anything can be done about that. Some form of therapy would be a good start IMO (I'm not a professional though). Talk to him as much as you can - it may or may not help him, but you will know that you were there for him.

Good luck. I know how tough it is seeing your father self-destruct.

Reply 2

999tigger

Original post by Anonymous

Sorry OP its a big subject. Contact Al anon, which is fo families of alcoholics and they can tell you what you need to know.

http://www.al-anonuk.org.uk/
Helpline 020 7403 0888

1) Can I get an order to force him go to rehab? I know if he got the help he needed, he could fix himself.
Not whilst he is sane. he is entitled to conduct his own affairs.

2) There is a bar he goes to, which knowingly sells him alcoholic drinks when he way past his limit. It really makes me angry they serve him, how can I get them to stop? or inform authorities? (I would rather inform authorities anonymously)t

You could try an informal approach to the bar owner, but even if they co operate he will just find another source. Obviosyly there is blowback. I dont believe they would accpet anonynous tip offs inless you indicated there were crimes being commited.

You could try talking to the police or the council about their licence. he will just find somewhere else.

3) What is alcoholics anonymous like? There is one just down my road, what is it like?

Al anon will answer those questions.

4) I'd appreciate any support/anecdotes that anyone has to help me through this.

Again al anon puts you in contact with support groups of friends and family who are going through or have been through what you are now experiencing. As everyone has said you cnat force, it has to come from their own desire.

(edited 7 years ago)

Reply 3

john2054

Original post by Anonymous

alcoholics anonymous http://www.alcoholics-anonymous.org.uk/

Reply 4

username917703

Original post by tamil fever

First of all u should always stop him.Literally ban of him going to that shop hide all his bottles etc.And if this doesn't fix him take him to Rehab.
Hope he gets better :smile:

Worst idea ever.

Reply 5

Anonymous #3

Original post by tamil fever

First of all u should always stop him.Literally ban of him going to that shop hide all his bottles etc.And if this doesn't fix him take him to Rehab.
Hope he gets better :smile:

I'm guessing you've never interacted with an addict before (and I hope that you never do) - if only it were that simple.

I'm sorry I don't have any advice, OP, but I'm in a similar situation and I know it's awful

Reply 6

uberteknik

The ONLY way alcoholics will change their addiction is when:

a) they realise and accept they have a problem with alcohol

and

b) they want to do something about it and have the will to stick with it.

trying to force someone to do it against their will or choice will drive them to become devious and hide their drinking from you. It will create resentment that you are meddling with their free choices and ultimately it will be a self-fulfilling prophecy that destroys your relationship with them and they end up drinking all the more to numb the pain.

As others have said, seek professional help.

(edited 7 years ago)

Reply 7

JP298

Let me tell you this, there's very little you can do. It's a hard thing to have to accept and I know from personal experience. I've spoke to many people who have recovered from drug and alcohol addictions and they all say one thing. For someone to have a chance of fully recovering they MUST hit rock bottom. For some that was losing there families for others it was there jobs or houses. Until he hits rock bottom AND realises he needs to change then it will only continue. He needs to decide that he needs rehabilitation, not you, him. I'm not going to say what you can/ can't do should do because that is for you to figure out and decide but remember this, until he hits rock bottom then he won't change. He needs to want to change. I wish you the best and hope your father recovers.

Reply 8

Airmed

Like others have said, there is little you can do. :console:

People don't like to accept they have an issue until they hit rock bottom. My own mother was/is an alcoholic, drank through all her pregnancies, and it was a contributing factor in my parents' divorce - and she refused to accept she had an issue, even though she was told by many.

However, I can tell by this post that you deeply care about your father, and if he does hit rock bottom you will be one of the first to support him in the road to recovery. Good luck.

Reply 9

tamil fever

Original post by Wilfred Little

Worst idea ever.

why?I tried that on my cousin :biggrin:

Reply 10

tamil fever

Original post by Anonymous

I have but they weren't a bad addict.They were slowly getting addicted :dontknow:

Reply 11

username917703

Original post by tamil fever

why?I tried that on my cousin :biggrin:

In addition to what's been said already, how do you suggest doing this? OP can't chain their dad up 24/7. If he wants to drink he will do it and the only person who can stop him is himself. All OP can do is be there for their dad and support him if he decides to quit.

Original post by tamil fever