I struggle to make proper friends online and in person

I play alot of video games in my spare time, as a 17 year old looking for a job I just use it to pass the time, but when I do meet people that become friends, I know that soon I will drive them away. I had a really close friend on here, I cared about her loads, but me being an idiot we fell out and I forced her out of my life. Recently it happened gain, I didn't like playing with my friend when their partner was there, it made me feel excess, as if I was insignificant. I explained this to them and they still wanted me to try doing it which stressed me out and made me angry. Now they have blocked me as did the first person mentioned. This has happened numerous other times I dare to even think about, as each time i make a friend, I drive them away. What can i do? It's difficult for me to change how i am!

For the real life contact one, I'm pretty shy and don't like to open myself up to people of a similar age to that i haven't seen much of, i struggle to keep a conversation going and as i went through primary school and most of secondary school being bullied and picked on I ended up making myself more lonely so that people I knew wouldn't turn against me. I currently have a few friends but i feel like i don't fit into the group as they do many things that i don't. How do i fix this?

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Reply 1

username1726117

Exposure, pretty much.

Put yourself out there, join clubs, talk to people. It is extremely difficult a a shy person, I know, but with practice comes experience...and eventually you get better.

Eventually you'll find people you click with. :smile:

Reply 2

UWS

Perhaps you expect too much out of your friends? Or maybe you're looking for the wrong people. If you're still looking for a job then you could find some people at work. You just need to find people with common interests, you say you like playing video games so perhaps that could be one of your ice breaker topics. Of course, with friends you should hang out with them and not just talk online. If you are still looking for a job, you'll meet people at your workplace or even at uni if you are considering going.

Reply 3

TK_23

^ this. It can be hard especially getting out of your comfort zone, but sometimes online it won't even be too hard, literally popping up and saying hey! That's how's some of the best friendships have been made,you know?

Reply 4

will'o'wisp

Original post by mrmotoman20

u do not need to have "friends" per se

social interaction for me is enough so talking to others in forums or over discord or in game is good enough for e

still, just practise and make more and more, decide how much you open yourself up, you'll click once you meet the right ppl, keep trying buddy

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

tbh same but I'm a girl

Reply 6

student004

Don't chase people or look for people. Just do what you believe in and the people who will respect you for that will come into your life automatically. Don't try to fit in even if you can't just do what you want!

Reply 7

student004

Okay I feel you becuase same. I am also 17. I feel like I had friends and then I moved schools so I drifted apart with those friends. Some of my friends from my old school moved with me because it is a grammar school but the thing is they have all gone to the same primary school and I feel like I dont fit in with them as much eventhough I was really close with this one girl. The fact you have to accept is that people change and a lot of them will leave you but you shouldnt be upset about that. I have learned that in the past few days and if you accept that you won't be attached to people that have left your life. Instead those who stand by your side, and do not leave are real friends to keep as well as family. We often take family for granted. Remember if not today, tomorrow you will find someone who will stand by your side. Anyways you can talk to me :biggrin:

Reply 8

mrmotoman20

Original post by student004

Anyways you can talk to me :biggrin:

Hi me :3 I'm Ash

Reply 9

Judge Jules

Original post by mrmotoman20

That's exactly how i feel that everytime i meet a new friend they will drop me even though i did nothing majorly wrong . So i don't worry about it anymore as those type of people are scumbags who think they are better than you which they are not.
I have always had people do that to me in every type of situation. It used to bother me but not anymore because sometimes i do prefer my own company anyway but obviously there are times when i would love to have good friends who are spontaneous and actually want to go out and have fun but not everyone is lucky in having decent friends like that so i joined Citysocializer where you can meet new friends or a partner but it is mainly a friendship site but you can meet a partner too through friendships you make on it. I really like the idea of it as people on it are always sending me messages to meet up with them which i have not done yet because i have no money to join but i decided i will stop making excuses about not having the money and i will pay the fee next month as it is coming up to christmas and i need more friends to go out with and go to Winter Wonderland in Hyde Park in December plus if i actually do it myself i can tell everyone about what it was like and if it has been successful and if it really works and at least i have the options to meet new friends on that website even if it was not long lasting friendships because the most important thing is that at least i can meet different people for different events everytime who like doing similar things that i like so that is better than being stuck at home alone doing nothing

You should look up Citysocializer on google and sign up for free, you will receive messages from other people for free inviting you to meet up but if you want to reply back you have to pay a monthly fee but the cheapest they charge is £6 66 but paying monthly might put people off but at least that is a reasonable price compared to other companies. And if you mention you like playing video games you will get some people who want to meet up to do the same thing
There is also a friendship company called Meet up London.com
Which is free as a friend i lost contact with for a few years told me about it and asked if i wanted to come with her last week Sunday to their meet up group.
She said she joined Citysocislizer 5 years ago but paying a fee every month put her off so i told her to try it again aswell as the other free one because i did not realize before that their cheapest price is £6 until i told another friend i met in college to join and he said it was that cheap. So i can afford to pay that but i will still try the other free one called meet up london

A lot of people on here have the same problem of friends dropping them without any explanation or not keeping in contact very often.
You should not try to change for anybody as that won't make any difference as i would never try to change
I knew a girl from school for many years and she dumped me 2 years ago 3 months before christmas just because i text her mum is too old to work but i apologised straight away as soon as she text that she was upset about it but she has never forgiven me for it so i never regreted texting it because it was true and if someone is that unforgiving then i just end up hating them too. I did not do anything wrong although i should not have text it as other people told me this but i do not care, i'm glad i did because she is a childish idiot for getting upset about something small like that. I wish i had said her mum is a Dinosaur to really piss her off but i know she would be even more hurt. I do not care about her anymore as a real friend would forgive you for small mistakes. I have heard of so many people that said worse things to friends, got into vervbal or physical fights or people who stole from them, borrowed money and did not pay it back, **** them off behind their back, or slept with their partners so what i did is nothing in comparisson.

And those 3 so called friends who dropped and blocked you are just as bad.
I would not want to be around a couple either as i would have felt uncomfortable too and it is not fair on you so you were right to tell them and they should have understood instead of trying to force you to see them both together but they are cowardly scumbags for blocking you. I hate people who just waste their time blocking others because they are too stupid and lazy to tell someone the truth about how they really feel and try to resolve any issues they have with a simple text, message or conversation. Blocking people is a cowardly act because they think they are better than others and that is why i would never block anyone. I would prefer to just let that person know exactly what they did wrong which is what i did do with the ex friend who's mum i text is too old so she was upset i told her the truth about how she treats me but she dumped me anyway but used her mum as a convenient excuse to do it. Another coward.
But If you miss your female friend on here just try to contact her one more time, apologise and explain everything you wrote on here about being scared you will drive people away. If she is a good person she will forgive you, if she's not a good person then she won't and will continue to hold a silly grudge.
I also hate people who hold grudges for long periods of time over small things like my ex friend who's mummy i text is too old to work . She can go and rot.

At least you have other friends, most people on here have none so even though you do not like doing all the things they do you can still try doing them once a week or month to keep that contact with them as that is what i would do because i have another **** friend who deliberately does not text much & everytime i ask if she wants to go out she says no. She's useless and i really want to drop her completely as she is no good as a friend because she makes no effort to go out but as it is hard to make any friends i just deliberately do not reply to her texts for days just to teach her a lesson and she does not like it and asks what has happened but she never learns her lesson and continues to do the same thing even though i told her before that i do not like it.

You will have to face the facts that some people like that are just complete utter *******s and there is absolutely nothing you can do to change them or yourself.
Just hope that one day you will meet real, loyal, forgiving friends as there are not many people like that in the world but if you are lucky enough to have any friends at all even though you do not like doing the same things as they do just treasure those friends and make an effort every now and again to try things you do not like doing so they will not get bored of you saying no to everything they do as you do not have to do what they like all the time just sometimes as i am really tempted to give up on my boring, unadventuorous friend who says no to everthing but i would never block her because that is childish. People use blocking others as a childish way to hurt someone else.

Not everyone can make new friends in a work place, uni, voluntary work but maybe trying something different like Citysocializer and meet up london might work as they seem different from other websites but it does annoy me when so many people complain they can't make new friends or get a boyfriend/girlfriend but do not want to try even just once anything different, unconventional or even weird to try to change their situation.

Reply 10

sr90

Volunteer Team

I'm much older than you and i'm absolutely terrible at making friends. I don't really have any at the moment.

Reply 11

Anonymous #1

Original post by mrmotoman20

Hi me :3 I'm Ash

so are you doing Alevels atm

Reply 12

student004

Original post by Anonymous

so are you doing Alevels atm

oops i accidentally posted that anonymously.

Reply 13

TK_23

Original post by sr90

I'm much older than you and i'm absolutely terrible at making friends. I don't really have any at the moment.

Food always makes a good friend however old you are :smile:

Reply 14

mrmotoman20

Original post by student004

oops i accidentally posted that anonymously.

Haha lol, yeh i am

Reply 15

mrmotoman20

Original post by TK_23

Food always makes a good friend however old you are :smile:

It does, and i'm gonna grab some in a second actually! :colone:

Reply 16

Zaky17

Original post by mrmotoman20

Loool same here whenever I try to make a friend online it doesn't quite work out that way however in person I'm the most shyest person you can ever meet I won't speak until you speak, in my point of view I think you shouldn't worry about always losing a friend or too just because of how you are, were all different and if they don't except you for who you are then you can't really consider them as your friend can you, but don't worry theres a lot of people on TSR I'm sure you'll find a new bestie :tongue: