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Pakistani Muslims please help.... Muslim girl dating a white guy

The reason I've put Pakistani Muslims because I believe no one really understands the backward nature of Pakistani culture unless you're in it

Sorry in advance about the bad spelling/grammar, I'm not the best at writing.

So I'm 25 years old, have a reputable well paid job, live on my own and I have a white boyfriend. We've been going out for a couple of years now, and I know we both ( if things continue to go really well) are thinking about marriage now.

The biggest obstacle is my parents who are I own are going to be absolutely devastated- and I really cant stress this enough. To them to marry a BRITISH Pakistani is like - whoa ( if you want a decent a guy you'd marry from back home where you can be truly sure of the persons character). So never mind a white guy.

My boyfriend - now I know you're going to be skeptical the following because you think I'm in love so can't see any bad, believe me I can but this guy, is 1 in a million. A kind, intelligent, 'good hearted' type of guy. I know I'm very lucky to have found someone like him, and the thought of letting him go is unbearable.

I love my family I really do, and my parents are kind people but its been ingrained in them that family honour within the community is extremely
important. And I know they love me as well, but I KNOW they would rather I married no one than a white guy. And that to me is unimaginable because all I've every wanted is a family of my own. I wouldnt be just losing my parents, but my relatives and religious Muslim friends as well :frown:

I would like advice from other Asians who have seen or experienced themselves how it all pans out if the couple marry regardless of their parents view. Do the parents eventually come round ? :frown:

Sorry this has been a bit of a rant.
Basically I've met an amazing guy whom I want to marry but I don't want to lose family. What do I do....

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Reply 1

Anonymous #1

Oh and the biggest risk is. If didnt work out and say we divorced. I would be left with no one.

And I've never fancied Asians so I cant see myself marrying anyone other than a white guy

Reply 2

leoq8

I find it really upsetting that people feel restricted in their relationships and life because of their religious beliefs and family, live yo' on life.

This is no way at all is 'muslin hating bozo' statement, but an opinion of a non-hating muslim bozo.

(edited 7 years ago)

Reply 3

TheProphetsPath

If this is serious or not just prepare to have loads of self righteous, muslim hating bozos commenting their own beliefs on here.

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

Original post by TheProphetsPath

If this is serious or not just prepare to have loads of self righteous, muslim hating bozos commenting their own beliefs on here.

Sigh, so nothings changed on TSR from 10 years ago...

Reply 5

username945663

This comes down to whether you value Allah over him or not. Honestly believe me marrying him isn't worth it. You'll wreck your dunya and your akhirah. Your marriage wouldn't count Islamically and you'll be committing zina.

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

Original post by User1213

hey look it's the Indian Keyboard Warrior with yet another Pakistani and/or Muslim thread, get a life mate!

Lol. Are you still in primary school that you think thats a long read?
I'm not here much so I dont know if this is 'yet another' pakistani/muslim thread

Reply 7

User1213

Original post by Anonymous

Lol. Are you still in primary school that you think thats a long read?
I'm not here much so I dont know if this is 'yet another' pakistani/muslim thread

then why are you getting so defensive? troll.

Reply 8

Asiangirl_18

Original post by Anonymous

I would like advice from other Asians who have seen or experienced themselves how it all pans out if the couple marry regardless of their parents view. Do the parents eventually come round ? :frown:

Sorry this has been a bit of a rant.
Basically I've met an amazing guy whom I want to marry but I don't want to lose family. What do I do....

Ive only ever seen one example that an interfaith marriage can work. But even then the woman was white and she converted to marry the Muslim man that she loved. At first no one accepted her in the community but eventually as she has had kids and her husband has stuck by her for all these years she has been treated more as a Muslim woman. Although, behind her back is a different story...

Tbh there have been Asians that have ran off with or married another Asian against the wishes of theirs and even they have been disowned because honour is actually a massive thing especially in the Muslim Pakistani culture and this is both bekus of religion and the societal views we have instilled in all of us. I would suggest that although u love him u need to sit down and really weigh out whether he is worth losing everything? Because if you do marry him, u may be disowned and if not, if your parents are fine with it, u will be talked about and stigmatised by everyone, all of your friends and anyone you are close to. And then it doesn't just stop there, when u are to have children they also will be stigmatised and hated by all the Muslims and some parents will even go so far as to fill their children's heads with stuff against u and ur children so even ur kids will have it tough. If u genuinely think tat u wud be able to live knowing everyone is talking about u all the time and that they all hate u for marrying the guy u want then ur brace enough to marry him unlike most people in ur situation who realise all of this and decide it's not worth being hated by everyone and potentially disowned and hated by their own family.

Reply 9

Anonymous #1

Original post by User1213

then why are you getting so defensive? troll.

Look I've come on here for advice, and I am beyond my years to be spending time trolling on a forum or to argue with a random person online.

Reply 10

User1213

Original post by Anonymous

Look I've come on here for advice, and I am beyond my years to be spending time trolling on a forum or to argue with a random person online.

I wish I could believe you.

Reply 11

Petulia

Would he consider converting? They might be more open to it if he was Muslim.
Only thing I don't understand though is how you'll overcome the cultural/religious barriers like if he drinks alcohol and eats pork but you would be living together and raising children together. I think you should just consider those things first because that's usually what parents are thinking about when you say you want to marry someone outside the culture and religion. If you think you can make it work then maybe you could introduce him as a work colleague or friend first in a very casual way maybe just to your mum, and see how she reacts to him. That way you can get an idea of what she thinks of him as a person rather than as a potential spouse.
Also I think you should make it clear to your parents that life with a British guy (whether he's white or British Pakistani) will always be better than life with someone who's come fresh from back home and will probably run off as soon as he gets his red passport. Make them aware that a guy you meet in the UK will be able to support you better, will most likely have a decent job and be quite educated too. That's the kind of stuff Asian parents want to hear.

Reply 12

john2054

Original post by Anonymous

I would like advice from other Asians who have seen or experienced themselves how it all pans out if the couple marry regardless of their parents view. Do the parents eventually come round ? :frown:

Sorry this has been a bit of a rant.
Basically I've met an amazing guy whom I want to marry but I don't want to lose family. What do I do....

go 4 it

Reply 13

username2437011

Original post by TheProphetsPath

If this is serious or not just prepare to have loads of self righteous, muslim hating bozos commenting their own beliefs on here.

Give them their Ideas for life init :wink:

Reply 14

sleepysnooze

why are you suggesting muslims can't be white and arabs/eurasians/north africans can't be non-muslims? I really can't stomach it when people generalise races as religions and vice versa yet get offended when people stereotype them - you're actually already stereotyping yourself - it's quite hypocritical, surely? I don't know.

Reply 15

Josb

Original post by Asiangirl_18

Because if you do marry him, u may be disowned and if not, if your parents are fine with it, u will be talked about and stigmatised by everyone, all of your friends and anyone you are close to. And then it doesn't just stop there, when u are to have children they also will be stigmatised and hated by all the Muslims and some parents will even go so far as to fill their children's heads with stuff against u and ur children so even ur kids will have it tough.

Muslims are such nice people.

Reply 16

Lord Samosa

Original post by Josb

Muslims are such nice people.

You're not a particularly nice person either tbh :rolleyes:

Reply 17

Josb

Original post by Anonymous

I love my family I really do, and my parents are kind people but its been ingrained in them that family honour within the community is extremely
important. And I know they love me as well, but I KNOW they would rather I married no one than a white guy. And that to me is unimaginable because all I've every wanted is a family of my own. I wouldnt be just losing my parents, but my relatives and religious Muslim friends as well :frown:

Not that kind apparently.

Reply 18

Josb