It seems like you're asking for a solution.
There is no solution. You know that. I (as a Pakistani male) know that.
You either choose your family or you choose your boyfriend. There is no compromise or middle ground. It's not fair. It never will be. To have your son run off with a 'gori' is one thing, but to have your daughter run off with a 'gora' is something else entirely. It sucks. But that doesn't change the cold, hard, backwards truth.
This is a decision you need to make with your head, not your heart. Nobody on here can say anything that should be able to influence your decision.