Ok from reading all the post I think she may feel a little controlled ie when she said 'I want to tell you something but I know you'l be angry, I'm speaking to my ex' it comes across that she feels she's walking on egg shells a bit. She could have intended to say this purely to annoy you she may very well be saying it to be manipulative but either way if I was you I wouldn't have let the comment push my buttons. I don't see a problem with her talking to her ex as long as it's just friendly talk. Like I wouldn't mind my bf talking to his ex's even when I'm not around. I think the dumping text may be her making a statement that she shouldn't have to be controlled/should be able to speak to who she wants without you becoming angry. This idea may simply just be in her head/how she perceives things though. As you say she should have sat you down and had a good sober conversation not sent a hurtful text. When she says ' you speak on message forums all the time' it seems she is just trying to point out that you talk to people/other females and so she should be able to talk to other males/her ex. Of course talking to an ex is a little different from talking on a public forum but I think in most health relationships either shouldn't pose a problem. Obviously I don't know the whole story so it's hard to judge but overall it sounds as though she wants you to be more relaxed about who she communicates with but that you feel she mentions her ex mainly to wind you up.