Do you hate your ex-?

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No, we split up quite amiably relatively speaking.

I have maintained good relations with about half of my more important EXs. My reason is that, if you loved someone and shared a lot with them, they will always be a part of you. But it isn't always easy.

The great passion of my youth, a stunningly beautiful French woman, made me very angry. She wanted to stay friends, but I couldn't, even at one point writing her a 6 page letter telling her why I despised her. We met up about 35 years later when I was moving back to France, at my initiative. She had become rather dowdy. I noticed a gift I had given her on the mantle piece, which she discreetly told me was there to remind her of me, nobody else knew about it. We, and indeed both of our families, are now the best of friends and even vacation together. I can love her for friendship without hurting. Very meaningful.

Another, more mature EX, will have nothing to do with me. I am very very sorry for it and keep trying, now it is for 30 years. I won't give up, but won't bang my head against the wall either.

Reply 22

NoPunInThisName

Original post by 999tigger

If you were not very nice to her, then how can you expect her to want to stay in touch?

It wasn't that I wasn't nice, I just made some stupid mistakes that amounted to the end of our relationship and I simply uphold all responsibility for that.

I take your point however, why would she? Well, originally we kept in regular touch as friends for a couple of months, so clearly she had no objection there. Of course when a new fella comes on the scene, everything fell both silent and hostile.

I was very fortuitous she did want to stay friends in the first place, perhaps she came to her senses. I didn't expect her to stay in touch, I just don't know why we have to hate each other as social convention goes.

Reply 23

999tigger

Original post by NoPunInThisName

I dont think silent is always hostile.
I generally think its a mistake not to have a substantila period of no contact.. You are the past and she nees to get on with her future. because of the unevenness normally associated with breakups, then its unsurpising on reflection that they decide they wnat to move on.

She might have some resentments, she may decide she dilsikes you or you were a prat, but the fact is if she has a bf then you are surplis to requirements or she just may not wish to share with you> people say things and change, so am not surprised at this. I think at the moment she could easily be indifferent. Maybe in x years time she will be open to talking to you, when both of you have moved on.

Reply 24

NoPunInThisName

Original post by 999tigger

Aye, think you've pretty much hit the nail on the head there. I can't imagine her ever changing her mind and quite frankly I don't expect her to.

It would be nice just to have one pleasant and civil conversation, just to see how she is and how life's going for her but I guess we can't have everything.

Reply 25

999tigger

Original post by NoPunInThisName

Do it in x years time. At the moment she inst interested and has a new bf. Btw who was the dumper and if you dumped, then did you get a new gf in the intervening period?

Reply 26

NoPunInThisName

Original post by 999tigger

Do it in x years time. At the moment she inst interested and has a new bf. Btw who was the dumper and if you dumped, then did you get a new gf in the intervening period?

I broke it off so rightly I got what I deserved but no I haven't had a girlfriend in the meantime. I realised I wasn't mature enough for another one so kept myself to myself.

Reply 27

999tigger

Original post by NoPunInThisName

I broke it off so rightly I got what I deserved but no I haven't had a girlfriend in the meantime. I realised I wasn't mature enough for another one so kept myself to myself.

So maybe she feels you were rubbish and that she is happy now, so no reason to bother with you? She cna get what she needs from the new bf at the mo, so that makes you surplus to requirements.

Reply 28

Applepiex3

There's some who I feel sick looking at.

While there is one ex who I truly despise, to the point I do things irrationally and get scared.

Reply 29

NoPunInThisName

Original post by 999tigger

So maybe she feels you were rubbish and that she is happy now, so no reason to bother with you? She cna get what she needs from the new bf at the mo, so that makes you surplus to requirements.

It's not necessarily about being surplus to requirements, to put in to context. We were a big part of each other's lives for two years, I made some stupid mistakes and rightly paid for them.

Despite the circumstances, is a very, very occasional catch-up unreasonable? Is hostility via a complete disconnect of contact necessary?

Reply 30

999tigger

Original post by NoPunInThisName

Clearly you are otherwise she wouldnt have blocked you.

Atm an occasional catch up is not what you want. You are the past and her bf is the future for the moment.

Cutting ccontact is quite normal and lets people move on.

You dumped her and shes found someone else, who possibly makes her happy. Its unsurprising she wants to move on. I wouldnt take it personal.

Reply 31

NoPunInThisName

Original post by 999tigger

Ruthless, but fair I guess.

Reply 32

999tigger

Original post by NoPunInThisName

Ruthless, but fair I guess.

My guess would be that whatever she told you at the time will differ to what she thought then or on reflection. People often split and do the nice thing of a quasi relationship, but really it can hold people back as its all about the past and people are more interested in their future. Anyway thats as much advice and insight I can give you.

Reply 33

LostGirlOnTheRun

I'm not sure....the reasons why we broke up were valid at the time.....but now when I think of it, it just seems that he was pressurizing me to do things that I never wanted to do (yes sex, and of course other things)....he's older than me, so I guess our break seemed a bit mature at the time...until 3 days after we broke up I asked for a valid reason and he just never replied...because the reasons could not have been that I did something to offend him...he knew everything about me...but still played me.

Reply 34

MrsSheldonCooper

Even though he was a dick to me after he ended our relationship, I don't really think I hate him but I won't forgive him for what he did.

Reply 35

HS2030

no. but i wish i could hate him :redface:

Reply 36

Someboady

Nope, she was lovely just not right for me unfortunately. However I think we both still like each other but she's moving away and frankly I can't be with someone who's a hundred miles away from me. We couldn't manage like 5 miles lol... But she was basically the best thing that happened to me.. only she wasn't because we broke up. Its confusing but shes basically improved my life by LOADS even though we aren't together anymore. And I'll be eternally grateful to her.

Reply 37

username1003420

Original post by alevelssuck_

What did he do to you?

One woman wasn't enough for him, greed got to him I think. Now hes saying he will never get married after I said no after he asked me to marry him. I hope I never meet someone like him again, he knew how much he meant to me but he clearly didn't care.

Reply 38

UWS

Original post by Applepiex3

There's some who I feel sick looking at.

While there is one ex who I truly despise, to the point I do things irrationally and get scared.

Oh no

Reply 39

GingerJoe

I suppose it's a very difficult issue, based on many factors of the relationship. Personally of my ex's the two shorter term ones, I do talk to and even meet up for drinks.

The long term one is a different story. I have very fond memories of the good times we had over the two years, that being said I do not want to know what she is up to, where she is, how she is or anything. I was initial heartbroken and became the worst version of myself and while I wish her the very best and I'm sure she will be fantastic in her chosen field, I don't have nothing to say to her and would continue to walk straight on by if I ever saw her again.