Will you change your name if you get married?

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Nirvana1989-1994

who's arguing with you? not me - I agree with you. I'm in favour of gender equality so why wouldn't I be in favour of letting go of this obviously outdated tradition? I don't agree with the other user, though, who was saying that not being a "feminist" was the same as being an idiot

I was clearly making a joke. :rolleyes:

Reply 41

absoul

Original post by sleepysnooze

wow I'm famous

is it about "every" feminist or "most" feminists? do we define a movement based on the majority or the minority, generally? would we say that most christians believe in the divinity of jesus? there are literally some christians who don't interpret the bible that way but still believe in the new and old testaments alongside their own constructions of jesus - does that mean we cannot possibly generalise christians as people who believe that jesus was divine as contrasting with other religions like islam and judaism that might recognise jesus but not see him as holy? this is the approach you're taking with feminism - you're saying basically that due to the massive minority of "feminists" that happen to both call themselves feminist yet don't believe in what the majority of "feminists" believe, this means that the whole idea of "feminism" must therefore *generally* be nebulous, even though it's crystal clear that MOST feminists are the academic epitome of misandry. this is why about 90% of british women believe in gender equality yet only about 15-20% of them call themselves "feminists" - they KNOW the difference between feminism and equality, clearly! just like people know the difference between legal equality and socialism

It's not worth it, feminists are self loathing hypocrites

Reply 42

CleverSquirrel

i would like to! idk why i think its cute :colondollar:

Reply 43

TurtleCub

Original post by LuceB

Not an option on his end. He wont double barrel his surname as he doesn't think he should have to but thats exactly my point

Hmm I guess he has his reasons then however, why don't you talk with your partner more and if that doesn't get you guys anywhere just extend the wait before the time comes to change your name.

Reply 44

username2137363

Do you really want to get married to a guy who is basically saying that unless you change your name to his he won't marry you? He obviously doesn't respect your choices. It's your choice and it should be respected.

imo it doesn't sound that healthy from what i've seen in the thread; but that's just my opinion. Sorry.

Reply 45

ddrrzzeerr

I would have refused to get married if she wouldn't take my name.

She did entertain the idea of keeping her name. She is an only child and her Dad asked her to but luckily she didn't take much persuading.

There can be no cherry picking as our friends in the EU would say. If we are getting married, we are a new family which I am the head of and whose members have my name. Marriage has rights and obligations on both sides. You can't take the benefits and security of marriage and at the same time deny me the right to be the central figure in my own family. If she didn't accept that, the wedding would have been off.

Reply 46

sleepysnooze

Original post by Nirvana1989-1994

I was clearly making a joke. :rolleyes:

how was it "clear"...? you called somebody an idiot for not being a feminist - seemed pretty clearly *not* a joke

Reply 47

Nirvana1989-1994

Original post by sleepysnooze

how was it "clear"...?

OP said 'anything'. :h:

Reply 48

username1842595

I would keep my fathers last name and join my husbands name after it.

Reply 49

absoul

Original post by sleepysnooze

how was it "clear"...? you called somebody an idiot for not being a feminist - seemed pretty clearly *not* a joke

ive explained this already. She is self loathing and hates women who dont agree with her. Probably a loner too.

Reply 50

Abdukazam

I don't like my last name, and I have ambitions to live on the continent, if I marry a European i'll hopefully take their last name. Then i'll create a dynasty that will last a thousand years.

Reply 51

Gladstone1885

Original post by LuceB

Me and my boyfriend of 6 years are at each others throats about this on a regular basis. I don't understand the need for me to change my name when I get married. Personally I think its a massively outdated tradition that I shouldn't have to adhere to. I don't understand why I am expected to shed something to important to my identity just because its 'what everyone does'. My boyfriend on the other hand thinks it shows unity and closeness, he point blank refuses the thought of marriage if I wont take his name. Not only this but he says his family would be offended especially his grandparents. Am I being insensitive to his feelings by refusing? I am anything but a feminist this part of life just doesn't sit right with me.

Of course its outdated. So are a lot of perfectly normal things we all do. Do you not want your father to give you away at your wedding either? Or instead of wear pants, wear slacks? If none of us changed our names upon marriage, we'd end up two generations from now with a society of people with an endless number of hyphens and silliness in their surnames.

Think of it this way: its really only half of your identity, no? Your last name doesn't include your mother's family. And regardless, you don't need to retain your name to keep your identity.

On the other hand, its similarly foolish to throw the idea of marriage out the window in the case that you should refuse. That should be more cause for concern than him wanting you to change your last name.

Reply 52

hannamontana

Nah, I'm keeping my surname.

Reply 53

absoul

Original post by sameehaiqbal

I would keep my fathers last name and join my husbands name after it.

Ive heard of this, surely you have like a main surname? Like kim kardashian west.

Reply 54

Abdukazam

Original post by absoul

ive explained this already. She is self loathing and hates women who dont agree with her. Probably a loner too.

To be fair I also hate women who don't agree with me :lol:

Reply 55

cupcakes87

I want to keep my identity but I also want to take my husband's surname because I find the whole tradition cute!

So I'm gonna go for a double barrel surname :h:

Reply 56

Nirvana1989-1994

Original post by absoul

ive explained this already. She is self loathing and hates women who dont agree with her. Probably a loner too.

My self-esteem isn't bad really, and I encourage debate.

Plus, this is coming from a person making numerous troll accounts, night after night. :h:

Reply 57

username1842595

Original post by absoul

Ive heard of this, surely you have like a main surname? Like kim kardashian west.

It's up to people what they want to know me as whether its Sameeha Iqbal (Husbands Name) or just Sameeha Iqbal, but I would join my husband's last name after my surname.

Reply 58

LuceB

Original post by caseynh

I completely agree. If we argued a lot then this would be a deal breaker for me. This is one of very few things we have disagreed about in 6 years. Also I also look at the fact that if it means changing my name I won't marry him either. He doesn't see the point if I don't change my name, he thinks that's a main reason why people do it. Which in some cases is true

Reply 59

absoul

Original post by Abdukazam

To be fair I also hate women who don't agree with me :lol:

No but im speaking in the context of feminism. There's some good feminists who accept that there's problems with the movement and there's some like the aforementioned poster who is self loathing and belittles non feminist women. The movement has some very toxic and intolerant members who get triggered by someone merely saying "im anything but a feminist" and calls them an idiot.