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Will you change your name if you get married?

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Reply 80
Avatar for LuceB
LuceB
OP
Original post by Sternumator
No. If it is important enough to him that she takes his name, why should he sign up to marriage on terms he isn't happy with? Personally, this would be a red line.

He doesn't get to decide alone the terms of the marriage and neither does she. They need to find a deal that they can both agree to. If they can't, there is no wedding. There's nothing wrong with that. He is entitled to refuse to marry unless she takes his name just as she is entitled to refuse to marry unless she can keep her name.


I couldn't agree more. The deal is where we hit problems I.e. I would double barrel, he wont
Original post by LuceB
If he had said to me that he didn't want to get married before I ever mentioned this then I'd be fine with him not wanting to get married. I would love to get married but if it wasn't what he wanted then I'd respect what he wanted. He's always been pro marriage until now


Well yeah because he probably thought you would take his name. He is allowed to be pro marriage so long as you take his name.
Reply 82
Avatar for LuceB
LuceB
OP
Original post by Sternumator
Well yeah because he probably thought you would take his name. He is allowed to be pro marriage so long as you take his name.


What are your reasons for wanting a wife to take your name
I am probably going to double barrell mine
Original post by LuceB
What are your reasons for wanting a wife to take your name


Tbh, for me it does boil down to what many would consider outdated views.

Marriage creates a new family and I want to be head of that family. I wanted her to take my name in recognition of that.

I don't believe men and women are the same. I want us to take different roles in the marriage and I want ultimate responsibility for major decisions in the household.

It does sound a bit tyrannical but it really doesn't have to be. I don't stop my wife doing anything and if we are making a decision, we both have our say and we come to an agreement. But I like to know that if we do reach an impasse on an important issue, ultimately, my way goes.

That is why she can't keep her name or hyphenate because it would be a rejection of my authority.

Many women wouldn't be happy with that arrangement and that is okay because they don't have to marry me. You should find out if he has similar ideas and if you can't agree those ideas then don't marry him.

Although I would say insisting on her taking my name puts me in the minority. The desire to be an alpha male and to be control of the direction of the family exists to varying degrees in most men. That is why for most men the idea of taking a woman's name is a unthinkable. There is no point pretending it is not a power thing because it is.
(edited 7 years ago)
No, but I may hyphen it :smile:

I wouldn't change my surname at all.
(edited 7 years ago)
*sigh why do women feel the need to deny they are feminists whenever they say something that might be construed as such? If you believe in equal rights for both genders, be a feminist and be proud of it. There's nothing wrong with it at all, in fact any woman who says they're not a feminist is a let down to their gender. Don't take your husband's name if you don't want to.
Original post by ChrisD0
What's so bad about his name? Is it Acula and you're a Doctor?

No one will get it.


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And they become a teacher... :biggrin:
Original post by Sternumator
I would have refused to get married if she wouldn't take my name.


She should take your name because she wants to, not because you threaten her into it by refusing to marry her. That's just childish.
Original post by cherryred90s
She should take your name because she wants to, not because you threaten her into it by refusing to marry her. That's just childish.


👍🏼👍🏼
I love my last name! Unless my future guy has a funkier name than mine, I'm keeping it!
Reply 91
Avatar for okayyeah
okayyeah
im going to marry a guy with the surname babatunde and i will take his name and continue a legacy
Original post by cherryred90s
She should take your name because she wants to, not because you threaten her into it by refusing to marry her. That's just childish.


Why does she alone get to decide?
Original post by LuceB
he wouldn't agree with that unfortunately


That's being a bit unreasonable if I may say.
Probably. Provided he doesn't have the same surname as mine. It's so very common, it's annoying.
Reply 95
Avatar for Nadile
Nadile
13
Original post by Sternumator
Why does she alone get to decide?


Because it's her name mate, that's why. How about you take her name instead?

Edit: I looked at your previous posts and I will add that I think if the woman taking your name is important to you, then it's reasonable enough for you to refuse the wedding. However, the final decision of whether she takes your name is still hers, all you can do is reject her if she chooses to keep her own name.
(edited 7 years ago)
I'd like for my future wife to take my name. In my view, it shows that the two of you are starting a new life together and I'd personally be quite upset if she didn't want to take my name, but then again I wouldn't refuse to marry someone over it.
I wouldn't expect my wife to take my name. I'm not sure about what this would mean for naming children though. Wouldn't want to double barrel the surname, because what happens if everyone starts doing that and they get married to another person with a double barrelled surname, and on and on...


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Original post by JoshC98
I'd like for my future wife to take my name. In my view, it shows that the two of you are starting a new life together and I'd personally be quite upset if she didn't want to take my name

Sounds more like it's just her that's starting a new life as your wife, you remain unchanged.


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There is no reason why someone would think that they are entitled to change another person's name. This is just being controlling. And to even think that he says that without this, there is no marriage, is even more alarming!

He seems to have a big sense of entitlement and that again, is worrying me.

For avoidance of any doubt, I aint taking on anyone's name. I love my names just fine and since he wont take on mine, I am not taking on his either. Some traditions are really pointless and this is one of those.

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