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Muslims who have boyfriends/girlfriends

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I'll pretend to fast. Usually I just eat during lunch break at work.

And as for praying, I don't think she will mind, but I'm not sure as we have not discussed that.

Tbh, you should really inform her on how you feel about her bet tell her you're an ex-muslim as well. Maybe she might not mind but have some specific request (e.g. bring up kids in Islamic faith, respect her religious duties etc.)

Otherwise you'll get married, sometime she'll find out and she will be hurt from feeling betrayed.

If she divorces you, you will have this story of betrayal attached to you for the rest of your life and that will limit any second chances...

Reply 81

Anonymous #12

Original post by Anonymous

I'll pretend to fast. Usually I just eat during lunch break at work.

And as for praying, I don't think she will mind, but I'm not sure as we have not discussed that.

Not only are you deceiving her, you are lying to yourself. Is it really worth it? It is not fair on either of you to continue with this facade. It's not her fault because she is none the wiser, but you're not helping the situation by continuing and prolonging this. Trust me, it will be much worse to tell her after marriage, because it could result in divorce. If you tell her beforehand and she chooses not to go ahead with the marriage because of you denouncing Islam, then that's her choice. That is the better option than telling her after marriage or never telling her. You also shouldn't have to pretend to believe in Islam and pretend to be a practicing Muslim either to please her. I know you both love each other, but you need to have some respect - for her and yourself. You never know, you both might be able to compromise and make it work somehow. Don't you feel guilty keeping this secret from her? Personally, I wouldn't be able to put up with it and I'm not exactly religious either in that I don't pray (although, I intend to learn how to do so properly), but I fast, haven't had sexual contact with anyone, never drank alcohol, etc. The most important aspect of Islam, in my opinion, is having faith in Allah, so yes, whilst it may be haram to engage in drinking, sexual activity, etc., those sins can be forgiven providing people repent and reform, so that's not the issue. Only judgemental people would hold someone's past indiscretions against them, and use that as a reason to either not marry or later divorce a person, but I suppose that's their prerogative. The problem here in this situation with you and your fiance is that you don't know whether she can accept it, because you haven't opened up to her about this and given her the opportunity to voice her opinion about this. Even if she is okay with you being an Ex-Muslim, she might end up being mad over the fact that you willfully deceived her for all this time. It's up to you what you do, but try to make good decisions that will have the most favourable outcomes for both of you. Best of luck.

Reply 82

Josb

Original post by sameehaiqbal

Me, and other people have said this to you 20 times already. You are violating her trust and her faith. Do you not seem to understand this concept? How heartless and oblivious can you be? Nobody is asking you to be a Muslim, none of us are forcing Islam down your throat, that is entirely your choice. All we're asking is for you to be honest to your fiancee. You are not being honest. Your marriage is an entire lie.

Perhaps his fiancee is faking it as well... :biggrin:

The peer pressure to publicly display one's faith is so high that it is hard to tell who really believes to these fairy tales. Unfortunately, Islam doesn't encourage people to be honest.

Reply 83

Anonymous #6

I think anon 5 is trolling you all. Posts like one below deliberately give unnecessary detail which is meant to bait people.

Original post by Anonymous

Of course she'll love me, in fact I'm the only one who can love her. On my wedding night when she comes back home with her, I'll start kissing her. She's never kissed a guy before.

Reply 84

vsvvsvs

Why is it that on tsr always intentionally someone raises stupid question so people make mock Muslims?

Reply 85

Anonymous #5

Original post by Aiyoxiin

It's just a lot smoother at this moment in time with my engagement. It's a dream come true and I'd never think I'd get engaged to such an amazing woman.

Also I doubt I'll ever even think about divorcing her. And I just can't see why she will divorce me so it's definitely much more smoother. All of the other people from the ex-Muslim society haven't come out.

Reply 86

Colouredsmurf

Original post by Anonymous

What's so disgusting? I'll never leave her because of some kid on an online forum..

You wont leave her because your insecure , you know no one else would want you. Its not about love :blah:

Reply 87

username1842595

Original post by Josb

Perhaps his fiancee is faking it as well... :biggrin:

The peer pressure to publicly display one's faith is so high that it is hard to tell who really believes to these fairy tales. Unfortunately, Islam doesn't encourage people to be honest.

Anonymous 5 is "ex muslim" and isnt honest. No need to blame Islam for dishonest people. Theres dishonest people all around you.

Reply 88

Anonymous #12

Original post by sameehaiqbal

Anonymous 5 is "ex muslim" and isnt honest. No need to blame Islam for dishonest people. Theres dishonest people all around you.

Exactly. This guy is clearly punching above his weight, hence why he is pretending to be someone he is not to maintain the relationship.

Reply 89

Anonymous #13

Original post by Anonymous

I will come out later. It's just about finding the right time, and that time certainly isn't now. I do intend to have the Islamic wedding Nikkah which she desires and even though I don't believe in it, I still gain the cultural practice for self-satisfaction.

I personally don't think you know how difficult it is for us ex-Muslims. In fact VERY few of my friends who are ex-Muslim have come out and there is a reason why because of the drama it will cause with out families and friends. It's all about finding the right moment to come out. Sometimes that may be never depending of circumstances.

What nationality is your fiancé?

Reply 90

Yumi Raisa

How did I u left the Islam?? Isn’t ther a punishment? , I am sorry to ask such person question but I was curious well I have this Muslim guy well we aren’t dating or anything since he doesn’t do that but we trust each other but he isn’t really religious but I heard from him that leaving the Islam is death??

Reply 91

Mysterygamer

I think that sexual intentions are not right in the relationship ship because usally if kissing happens it leads to haram choices just as sex before marriage.Also if you break up with her your sexual intentions will lead to others maybe and then people think that your just wanting sex which usally will be disliked.As long as you dont use her for sexual intentions then it is fine.(kissing can be fineif you control yourself)It better to get to know before marriage then sex.

Reply 92

Didilala

I am a muslim girl in a realtionship with a muslim boy.I am 18 years we have been together 1 year.I love him he loves me more than i love him and he never asked me for sex cez he said he doesn’t want to make my life rubbish. And i will NEVER have sex before marriage.We only go out together kissing and cuddling but i will never think about sex.We look forward to marry after 4 years ( after education).The problem is I know is forbidden in Islam to have a boyfriend I tried to think to leave him but is so hard i never want to leave him he is the best person i have ever met and is rare to find someone like him.But the problem he had sex with other girls in the past but he said he regrets it .I was so upset when he said that but his friends influenced him to have sex with other girls.This time he promise me that he will not have sex with other girls anymore.I am so depressed about our forbidden relationship.What to do instead of leaving him??

Reply 93

Anonymous #14

I’m a muslim. My family is super super strict like I can’t even explain it. They refuse to let me talk to boys outside of work/school, let alone date one.

I have been with my bf for 2 years. He’s white, and not a Muslim, so I know my parents would never accept him, they would throw me out the house if they found out. But it doesn’t bother me, I know one day I’ll walk away from my parents strict upbringing and lead my own life, whether that involves a white boy or not.

As for sex, yes we do have sex a lot. I am on the pill and have to hide it from my parents, which is hard if we’re out together and I have to take it. But I’ve been hiding stuff from my parents all my life, so i’ve gotten used to it tbh.

Although I do wish I could talk to my mum about girly issues and boy struggles. Sex is never mentioned in my house, my parents would rather me say **** than say sex, so there’s no way I could ever talk to my mum

Reply 94

Eithus

Original post by Anonymous

We dated for a while then had sex and we've been together for a couple of months now. I'm not afraid that my parents will find out because they wont, and I'll gladly tell my husband my sexual history if he asks.

thats not gonna go down well with a muslim husband, muslims should not have sex before marrige and thats period

Reply 95

Anonymous #15

Original post by Anonymous

Muslim guy here, I had a girlfriend (atheist) at one point..
.
How far would you go physically with your bf/gf?

Cuddling and holding her hand or my arm around her waist

Would you have sex before marriage? No.

If you don't do anything physical with them what makes them different from being just a friend?

We both liked each other romantically and I don't think you need to be physical to have a romantic relationship with someone (well not immediately anyways)

How often do you meet up with them? Not often, as we live in the same region but opposite sides and I only really went on 3 dates with her before we decided it wasn't really meant to be. And that was really why we broke up because I couldn't see enough of her and I didn't think she was putting her all into the relationship

What do you do on your dates?

For our first date we went to a coffee shop and I bought her a drink and we sat for a good few hours talking about our feelings for each other and all that romantic jazz.. it sounds stupid now that I say it but I was crazy for her at one point. We went for a walk as well and just went around town. It was fun.
Our second date was at a cinema and we watched a movie, cuddled and all that jazz and I asked her to be my girlfriend (not seeing the immediate one-month end of our relationship)

And we've been talking for a whole year since our relationship... but I haven't asked her out again because the same problems exist and she's an upper class girl, I'm a lower class guy and we don't have much in common.. I felt like I was basically driving the relationship...anyhow, she's moving away so if we couldn't manage a few miles, I doubt we'd manage a couple hundred.
With regards to being Muslim and in a relationship, I was conscious of my religion and so I had plenty of opportunity to kiss her but I didn't. I did keep the relationship hidden from my immediate family, but that's more due to culture rather than religion.

If you have any questions, I'll be happy to answer them :smile:

Wow! An answer that I’d agree to.

Reply 96

Anonymous #15

Original post by Anonymous

This is NOT intended to be a Muslim bashing thread but I am genuinely curious about a few things regarding Muslims who are in relationships before marriage, whether that be with other Muslims or with a non Muslim.

How far would you go physically with your bf/gf? Would you have sex before marriage?
If you don't do anything physical with them what makes them different from being just a friend? How often do you meet up with them? What do you do on your dates?

Hi there,
I’ve read most of the answers posted here and I only found 1 which I agree with so here is my view.

Background/ answers:
So me and him actually grew up in the same country but we didn’t know each other. At some point the families met and they got along very well and we’d see each other every week but, I hated him lol.
It wasn’t hate hate but I guess I just found him irritating at that time as I loved studying and he the opposite. Around 5 years later his family moved abroad (back to home country). The families kept in touch but me and him never spoke to each other.
Few years passed and I was in uni when we started speaking on social media. It wasn’t excessive speaking as I was one of those with my head in the books. But after knowing his character, I began to like him (this was after months of talking). I actually performed Salatul Istahara and upon receiving my answer, I spoke to him about marriage and after knowing his thoughts and intentions - I spoke to my family and he to his and we’re just waiting for families to take this further.

There was a short period of time when I also went back home to HK, there I met him and his family. Me and him met up for breakfast everyday in my fav café and dinner almost everyday - he’d sometimes cook and bring food or buy it out. We spent a lot of time together and went to theme parks, restaurants, meeting mutual friends for dinner, hiking, boat trips, trip to Macau etc etc

The most we did was hold hands and hugs.
I believe having a relationship doesn’t just mean being physical. I notice me and him are much closer to each other compared to my friends, who in their relationships had sex and live in the same city as their partner. I believe understanding each other and having time for each other makes the foundation to any relationship - so make it strong!

As for your last question about what makes him more special than any friend even without sex.
See I don’t really have many guy friends. I have a few who are amazing friends but, I see and feel something with him that I don’t feel from them and I am glad ita him. I am admired by his character.
I trust this man and he understand me without me saying anything. I can rely on him as he can rely on me and I love that he respects me and you know what, I appreciate that he understand and accepts that I also have my relationships with my friends and family - I have friends who in the past have cut people out of their life to please the man they love (This I don’t understand).

Just like in any relationship, me and him have had our downs and I know he will always support me. I have seen it all when I was in HK. He could have left when we had arguments but each time we both would talk it out.

I hope this has been of some help :smile:

and I didn’t mention earlier but having sex before marriage is actually not allowed :smile:

Reply 97

Eithus

Original post by Anonymous

Of course she'll love me, in fact I'm the only one who can love her. On my wedding night when she comes back home with her, I'll start kissing her. She's never kissed a guy before.

man i hope that she leaves you, she doesnt deserve you, you are showcasing her as a trophy, im glad you left islam because i would be ashamed to call you a muslim

Reply 98

Spider_Venom

Original post by Eithus

man i hope that she leaves you, she doesnt deserve you, you are showcasing her as a trophy, im glad you left islam because i would be ashamed to call you a muslim

i have a gf im 14 and shes a few weeks under age than me. we kiss every friday and we r both muslim im so attatched to her but she is way mor attatched to me what do i do

Reply 99

epicninjali

Honestly, it's kind of hard as a teenager in the current American structure and not atleast get a boyfriend or girlfriend. And in terms of sex, I would say a lot do but some don't. It really depends. It's really just a ton of extra pressure and stress, since in terms of punishment, sex Outside of marriage is still a similar punishment to adultery, plus parents.... Many kids are more afraid of their parents than they are god even though that's a whole other story. Sex outside of marriage is like really bad, like a major sin. Like on similar levels of killing somebody. But at the same time, most of the general American culture is about having sex and while most people won't admit it, I'm sure a lot of people wanna