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am I overreacting?

Having an issue with a client at work.

main incidents
- asked to drive me on a weekend trip away (a week after we met), when I said no, found me later and repeated the offer saying he really wanted to go together
- asked if I was married
- waited outside my workplace in the morning to tell me he couldn't stop thinking about me + offered to end their affiliation with my workplace so we could be together
- followed me out of work (I was about 500m down the road + he ran after me) to try and talk to me, dunno what he wanted to say as I refused to speak to him but had to tell him 4x to go away before he stopped following me

Also smaller things e.g. winking at me, tapping my arm rather than speaking to me, fetching things for me (without me asking or even mentioning needing it), offering to carry things, asking me to repeat something as he 'liked how I said it', waiting til other people left then calling me back into the room (I pretended not to hear), asking if we could pair up when I was not involved in activity. He also asked me if I think 'bigger or smaller is better' - no idea if this was meant in the way I'm concerned it was, I asked what he was talking about and he muttered so that other staff couldn't hear.

I also think I once saw him while out walking (it was dark)... it's not a huge place but it's still a big coincidence and freaked me out a bit.

My workplace say they will stop allowing him to use the service if anything else happens and have spoken to him (although more happened after they spoke to him) so I'm thinking that will probably happen soon as all this has been over maybe 3 weeks. Should I be worried about after that though? Is it likely to continue? I feel like I'm overreacting but I am genuinely worried that he just doesn't seem to understand rejection.

Reply 1

rach.cov

Hey,
if you are in anyway worried or remotely threatened after these 3 weeks then I would contact someone, maybe even the police. I know that if you spoke to some people they may think you're overreacting and that the man was just being a 'gentleman' but if he was a gentleman then he should respect that you want distance and nothing to do with him x

Reply 2

Spongebob'sPants

No you're not overreacting at all.

This is harrassment.

I'd speak to your company's HR and ask them to escalate this as you now feel uncomfortable.

Simply put, this is not on at all.

Reply 3

prazzyjazzy

Sounds like someone doesn't know when to give up. Talk to him directly and make sure there's 100000% no way for him to misunderstand, and if he persists- take it to the authorities.

Reply 4

Tiger Rag

Are you keeping a record of what's going on?

I'd go back and talk to your manager / HR again.

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

Original post by rach.cov

Don't think there's any question he isn't a gentlemen. However I keep being told he's 'lonely' and I should feel sorry for him. I strongly suspect he is on the autistic spectrum from other aspects of his behaviour but at the end of the day it doesn't really matter why he isn't listening to me, the fact is that he isn't and that's a concerning fact. I can't really contact the police unless I feel actively threatened or he's been removed from my workplace I think or senior staff would be annoyed at me - but I'm keeping it as an option.

Original post by Spongebob'sPants

No you're not overreacting at all.

This is harrassment.

I'd speak to your company's HR and ask them to escalate this as you now feel uncomfortable.

Simply put, this is not on at all.

We're a small company so no HR. I am in touch with the owner of the company about it and one more incident and he should be removed...

Original post by prazzyjazzy

Sounds like someone doesn't know when to give up. Talk to him directly and make sure there's 100000% no way for him to misunderstand, and if he persists- take it to the authorities.

I've been as blunt as I can (literally said 'I don't like you' 'I don't want to talk to you' etc) and he knows I've made a formal complaint against him - it simply isn't sinking in. I'm not willing to be alone with him to have another conversation (and frankly at this point I doubt it will make any difference).

Original post by Tiger Rag

Are you keeping a record of what's going on?

I'd go back and talk to your manager / HR again.

Yes I'm recording every incident (including the more minor things) with dates etc and recording conversations with the owner of the company. I have spoken to them since the last incident (this was our second conversation) and they have said he is now on his last chance before being removed. I'm just worried as he doesn't seem to get the message, what happens if kicking him out means he just moves the behaviour outside of work (he's already followed me out before).