Am I being petty?

So I have been seeing this guy for about 6 months. We have taken things quite slow and have only really been official for a few months. I see him 3-4 times a week mainly evenings where we just chill out and watch tv. We occasionally go out for dinner or walks.

I really really like him. I'm pretty sure I'm in love but I'm too scared to tell him just in case he doesn't feel the same way. There is one issue that really really bugs me. He is so rubbish at texting me back when we don't see each other. The only time he is good at texting back is when I am sort of having a go at him for being so rubbish with replying. So the times I have brought this issue up is through text and he has said he will try and get better and make the effort. But this has not happened.

I was working late last night so I didn't see him. He is having a rough time at work at the moment and is thinking about quitting. I think this will mean he will move back to his parents which is 40 min drive away which means I will see him even less. I sent him a text asking him how work was etc and he replied about it still being rubbish. Didn't even ask how I was or how my day was. I sent him another two texts last night saying how I am always there if he needs to talk asking how his evening was going etc and no reply. It's frustrates me so much.

Everything is absolutely fine when we are together. and it's not even like he doesn't go on his phone much because when we are together he regularly looks at it and goes on Facebook or twitter.

It stresses me out so much because I feel ignored by him. I'm not sure if I am just being too petty though? It is getting to the stage where I am thinking of calling it a day. But also I feel so bad because of the work stuff that he is going through at the moment. Any advice?

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Reply 1

username2908878

Tell him how you feel girl !!

Reply 2

Tiger Rag

Some people, in general, are crap texters. (like me)

But yes, talk to him about it.

Reply 3

Anonymous #2

Woah. I can sort of relate to this.
Long story short, my ex-boyfriend used to take forever to reply too and it was annoying as we were in a long distance relationship. I honestly think you should tell him how you feel, the more you tell him the more he will realise that his late replies bother you. At least that's what I did and it seemed to work...

Even now, it's been almost 3 years since we broke up, we still talk and he does the same exact thing. He seems to be very active on social media but never answers texts as fast and I would expect. Sometimes I wonder if it's worth initiating a conversation with him...

There are other reasons why he's taking long to reply, I deffo think you should talk to him about it, maybe in person ..

Good luck :smile:

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

Thank you for your replies. I'm thinking that maybe he doesn't realise just how much it bothers me and upsets me. I need to build up the courage to actually talk to him about it. I'm just worried that it will turn into an argument or I'll get really upset and it will all come out wrong. He is already having a pretty **** time of it at the moment and I don't want to make that worse. But equally I can't keep going on like this when it's easily every other day I am getting stressed and upset about it!

Reply 5

cherryred90s

Original post by Anonymous

Is he on his phone when you're with him?

Reply 6

Asolare

As someone who is also terrible at texting back, please just ask him about it and don't get confrontational. Some of us just don't feel the need to reply instantly to conversations and things shrug.

Reply 7

LauraMayden1

Firstly, don't have a go at him, especially through text; that'll only be counterproductive.

Next time you meet him, sit him down and nicely explain to him how his actions make you feel. Don't personally attack him or make it out like he's doing something wrong; he's not.

I myself am a terrible texter, I take ages to reply unless I'm in a convo I'm super interested in. Ask him if there are any reasons that are preventing him from wanting to converse with you over text. Perhaps he is very private, and wants to talk about certain things but is afraid to open up. Perhaps he feels he'll be judged. Perhaps he doesn't find the conversations stimulating enough (happens to me all the time).

Whatever it is, try to understand it, and at the same time he should try to understand where you're coming from. Both of you have to be selfless and compassionate enough to care for the other person, rather than just focusing on your own problems (not saying you do that).

I don't think you're being petty, it's a legitimate concern/issue if you're both in a relationship in my opinion.

Good luck.

Oh, and one more thing. Don't take stress over it; very little in life is worth taking stress over. Your mental well-being should take precedence, take solace in the fact that whatever is going to happen will happen, and you can only do and be the best that you can.

(edited 7 years ago)

Reply 8

username1726117

Yes, this is petty. Not everyone is great at texting or feels the need to be glued to their phone all day.

Seriously, guy's having difficulty at work and you're pestering him over the frequency/quality of texting, which in itself is simply a poor form of communicating. If everything else is fine, especially in person, is there really any need to make this an issue?

I'd say let it go and just be content with what you have. :smile:

Reply 9

Anonymous #1

I know text is poor way of communication. But when you don't always see the other person surely it's a quick way of checking in and making sure everything is ok? A way of letting someone know you are thinking about them? The thing is he is on his phone when I'm with him so I would imagine that he goes on his phone when I'm not with him? Unless my company is that poor. But then why would he continue to see me?

Reply 10

Anonymous #1

Original post by cherryred90s

Is he on his phone when you're with him?

Yep quite often. Not texting people but he's on Facebook and twitter a lot.

Reply 11

Anonymous #1

It's an ongoing issue though. Not just recent. It just makes me feel horrible when I'm texting him telling him I'm there for him if he needs me etc and he can even text to see how I am or if I'm ok?

Reply 12

username1726117

Original post by Anonymous

I'm sorry, but you are overthinking this way too much.

I would advise trying to relax about this situation and accept it for what it is; hounding him for texts is only going to serve to drive him away. People have different communication styles and not every person needs to be in contact with their partner frequently, at least to the degree where texting becomes a necessity.

It sounds like he just sucks at texting, hence why he doesn't ask much about you.

Reply 13

Anonymous #1

Original post by LauraMayden1

Firstly, don't have a go at him, especially through text; that'll only be counterproductive.

Next time you meet him, sit him down and nicely explain to him how his actions make you feel. Don't personally attack him or make it out like he's doing something wrong; he's not.

I myself am a terrible texter, I take ages to reply unless I'm in a convo I'm super interested in. Ask him if there are any reasons that are preventing him from wanting to converse with you over text. Perhaps he is very private, and wants to talk about certain things but is afraid to open up. Perhaps he feels he'll be judged. Perhaps he doesn't find the conversations stimulating enough (happens to me all the time).

Whatever it is, try to understand it, and at the same time he should try to understand where you're coming from. Both of you have to be selfless and compassionate enough to care for the other person, rather than just focusing on your own problems (not saying you do that).

I don't think you're being petty, it's a legitimate concern/issue if you're both in a relationship in my opinion.

Good luck.

Oh, and one more thing. Don't take stress over it; very little in life is with taking stress over. Your mental well-being should take precedence, take solace in the fact that whatever is going to happen will happen, and you can only do and be the best that you can.

I try not to have a go at him through text but sometimes in the heat of the moment I just get frustrated. I'm not a great communicator face to face and I am very worried about bringing it up because I don't want to ruin things between us. At the same time I'm just not sure I can carry on feeling like I do. I have tried to get a grip and forget about it and not take it personally but I can't help it. When I'm not around him I feel that I'm far more into this then he is.

I am trying my hardest to show him that I am here for him. He is quite a closed off person though and I think he doesn't like to talk about his emotions much. I know I am going to have to be brave and talk to him . I'm just worried I will push him over the edge and I will lose him.

Reply 14

UWS

Not everyone is glued to their phones 24/7, people have lives. The fact that he's taking time to spend time with you shows that he does care about you. Huge overreaction here.

Reply 15

Cicilaw

Original post by Anonymous

Whatever happens, don't be a fool.
The issue with the relationship seems to be (excuse my bluntess but I'm honestly trying to help) you're into him more than he's into you. I guess that answers your wondering if he loves you back. You start all the conversations, and he is lousy with replies. That doesn't give him the excuse that "he didn't want to start it". This shows a clear lack of interest because even when you're offering attention he declines.

Anyone who can't ask how your day was is a waste of time. You clearl must have felt bad about the fact he didn't ask anything about your day. Why then did you continue by telling him "you're always there for him to talk". The fact that he doesn't respond means that he doesn't value your efforts.

This might just be how he is as a person, as opposed to how he treats you. But to confirm this is the case, give him some distance. like A LOT. Because maybe he's started to take your constant caring for granted. Maybe he needs a bit of isolation, because fear of loneliness makes lucid all priorities.

I say don't spend your hear to soon. I many be wrong here, but he might be dithering. You've been seeign eachother for 6 months and been official for maybe 2? In most cases, guys especially, know whether or not they want to be official in 3 months or less. Maximum 4. Maybe he's not sure about committing but doesn't want to tell you. The thing with guys is they want love, but they don't want to be bound. Sometimes they want the relationship status without the responsibility. Don't get used

Reply 16

cherryred90s

Original post by Anonymous

Yep quite often. Not texting people but he's on Facebook and twitter a lot.

So he's purposely ignoring you. I'm very sceptical about rubbish texters who always have their phone in their hand when im with them

Reply 17

cherryred90s

Original post by UWS

Not everyone is glued to their phones 24/7, people have lives. The fact that he's taking time to spend time with you shows that he does care about you. Huge overreaction here.

OP said he's on his phone a lot when she's with him. That says a lot

Reply 18

kaylababesxx

why dont u call him instead ? i dont like texting but u shouldnt have a go at him fro it and hes probably doesnt feel like talking much cos he feels sad about his job so u should just understand and accept it

Reply 19

LauraMayden1

Original post by Anonymous

I agree with the posters above me; he's most likely not interested in you and doesn't really care for you. You know it, you said it yourself. If you feel you're into it more than he is, chances are that's true.

Also, if you fear you're gonna lose him from simply talking about your feelings with him, then he has not expressed to you in any way how dear you are to him. That, or you're deeply insecure.You're giving way more than you're receiving by the sounds of it. I still advise you to talk to him openly and honestly, and then trust yourself to make an objective, logical decision; not one that is clouded by fears and instant desires.