Does he want a relationship with me or her?

Right so,
The past few months have been pretty strange for me. I became friends with a guy from work back in October. We became close, and connected straight away. In November we went on a few dates, and in December we decided to try a relationship. That relationship lasted 3 days, he ended with me after saying he had feelings for an ex girlfriend, and he moved on too soon from her. I was upset yes, but understood. He said that he needed time and then when he feels better he will try again with me. He then started talking to that girl again. But then they decided to end it completely and they stopped talking. I thought this would be good as i would have a chance again. But we still remained no more than best friends. Then a week or two ago, he started messaging that girl again. And she is very pushy, and doesn't like me being friends with him. He also has been meeting up with her lately behind my back, just saying he is "busy" to me. I know what he is up to, as Im one of his only friends. But again lately, me and him have got close like when we first became friends, and I have been meeting up with him a lot, and even going round his house. And yesterday we had sex, both oral and normal sex, but we still aren't together. And he hasn't said anything more about being in a relationship with me or the girl. I want a relationship with him so badly, and i want to ask him if he does see us getting back together, but i dont want to sound like im pushing things or being needy. I dont want to lose him. Does anyone have any advice on what i should do in this situation?
Thanks

Reply 1

Perserverance

11

I suggest staying away and moving on from this guy. This guy is lost. He doesn't know what or who he wants, or maybe he wants to be a greedy lil piggy. Whatever the case, you'll end up getting even more hurt.

Cut things off at this early stage and you'll be better off in the long run.

Love yourself and don't put up for being second best.

Good Luck & Take Care x

Reply 2

gavinfourie

1

How long did his relationship with the ex last?? That plays a part in deciding which one of you he really wants. You probably don't understand why, but let me explain. I have this friend and she has been in an relationship with this guy since the 7th grade so they have been together for 5 years now. In that 5 years he has: cheated, lied, and hurt her(not physically, but emotionally) and still she sticks with him, even though I treat her much better and would never cheat on her EVER. So when she finally asked me for advice the one day and I told her to dump him, she said no. When I asked her why she said because she has been with him so long and spent so much time with him that she would rather try and make it work with him than throw all that time spent away. So maybe your situation is similar, but instead of a girl it's a dude(who doesn't sound that great tbh). If the relationship was lengthy he might be considering getting back with her so that he won't have to look at their time together as time wasted. Not sure if this helps, but I thought I would just put it out there. :smile:

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by gavinfourie

How long did his relationship with the ex last?? That plays a part in deciding which one of you he really wants. You probably don't understand why, but let me explain. I have this friend and she has been in an relationship with this guy since the 7th grade so they have been together for 5 years now. In that 5 years he has: cheated, lied, and hurt her(not physically, but emotionally) and still she sticks with him, even though I treat her much better and would never cheat on her EVER. So when she finally asked me for advice the one day and I told her to dump him, she said no. When I asked her why she said because she has been with him so long and spent so much time with him that she would rather try and make it work with him than throw all that time spent away. So maybe your situation is similar, but instead of a girl it's a dude(who doesn't sound that great tbh). If the relationship was lengthy he might be considering getting back with her so that he won't have to look at their time together as time wasted. Not sure if this helps, but I thought I would just put it out there. :smile:

Hi, Im not entirely sure how long his relationship was with her, he hasn't said, and i don't want to ask. At the moment, he isn't with me or her, and i have told him that as he is my best friend, all i want is for him to be happy. So i have said to him if he wants to be with her then he can, although inside it will break my heart (havent told him that bit haha). However he still holds on to me, and says he doesn't want to and i quote "throw me off the boat just yet". Id rather have him as a best friend like now, than not speak to him at all. So thankyou for the advice, i will keep what you say in mind, as i can relate to it in some respect. 😊

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Perserverance

I suggest staying away and moving on from this guy. This guy is lost. He doesn't know what or who he wants, or maybe he wants to be a greedy lil piggy. Whatever the case, you'll end up getting even more hurt.

Cut things off at this early stage and you'll be better off in the long run.

Love yourself and don't put up for being second best.

Good Luck & Take Care x

Hi, i can't really cut him off, i work with him on an almost daily basis, and i would rather have him as a friend than not have him in my life at all.

Reply 5

gavinfourie

1

Original post by Anonymous

Hi, Im not entirely sure how long his relationship was with her, he hasn't said, and i don't want to ask. At the moment, he isn't with me or her, and i have told him that as he is my best friend, all i want is for him to be happy. So i have said to him if he wants to be with her then he can, although inside it will break my heart (havent told him that bit haha). However he still holds on to me, and says he doesn't want to and i quote "throw me off the boat just yet". Id rather have him as a best friend like now, than not speak to him at all. So thankyou for the advice, i will keep what you say in mind, as i can relate to it in some respect. 😊

Hahaha my bad, i just remembered that you said he was a work friend(meaning you met him at work) which is much different than having school friends, because you can ask about their personal lives and generally get away with it, but that changes at work and I can imagine that asking him how long his relationship with his ex was might not be appropriate. Even if you are best friends now it would still be weird considering your current situation. Just something I want to add here, by reading what you said(the part where you quote him) I'm not entirely sure how to interpret that, because from my standpoint it seems as though he is leading you on. Now it might just be me, maybe I'm not really getting it, but I think you should proceed with caution. Also want to say that I think that part where you told him that he can be with her if he wants was a very wrong move(a BIG NO NO in my book. I'll explain why in just a moment), because you don't want him to be with her and If he does end up with her it could ruin everything for you. Quick explanation why it could ruin everything for you.

Okay so lets say that theoretically he and she(Was I supposed to say her here? Not sure. English isn't my first language, so don't judge) get back together and she finds out that you have or even had the hots for him(Or even worse, if she finds out about the sex), she might frown upon that. She might even pressure him into dropping you as the best friend and getting in less and less contact with you(Now I am not sure what type of person she is, so this could possibly not be the case. But I am just trying to help you explore all avenues) and that would mean going to work everyday would be awkward and heart-breaking, because you would have to see that guy everyday. Your probably like:"But now I have already done that, so what now?" Not to worry, I am here. So I am going to make a quick list of what you should do to reverse what you have done(Like when you cancel your bank account, but realize you actually don't want to move to another bank and ask for a reversal. True story, this has happened to me before).

1.) Hope that this ex is not the jealous type.(Might seem weird that it is at number one, but this is very important, because if all my advice fails and he does end up with her, you might still be able to be friends with him)

2.) Tell him how it would make you feel if he did go back to her. The part about breaking your heart(Guys love to hear this, builds our ego up and all we have is our pride hahaha.) I know this might sound like admitting weakness, but just hear me out. Don't say it'll break your heart, just let him how you feel and what he means to you(If you need help on typing that message don't be afraid to give me a pm and i'll see what we can do. As I have alot of experience with these types of situations...unfortunately)

3.) If that message doesn't seem to fix it and get him closer to your side, priority number one should be building your friendship with him even stronger so that nothing could possibly make him not want you as his best friend(Like a jealous ex girlfriend for example)

That's about all I can give you now, given the lack of proper background and not knowing the WHOLE story.

****Remember when I said that thing about a BIG NO NO, well here is the explanation. Once I had a best friend (Susan is her name for those who really want to know) we were very close and I practically was dating her. Then her friend(Janine is the name and she was actually her best friend) and I started talking and instantly hit it off. One day I asked Susan if she thinks I should ask her out and she gave me that exact line that you gave him(That she is my best friend and thinks I should do whatever I think will make me happy). Me, being as stupid as I am, saw that as a green light and asked her out. Only to find out later that day that Susan has had a crush on me since forever and I didn't even know about it, because SHE NEVER SAID ANYTHING! So know she won't talk to me anymore. FYI me and Janine aren't together anymore, yeah turns out she likes to cheat.

I know it's a bit long, but hope it helps :smile:

Does he want a relationship with me or her?

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