Do you think it is rude to not offer '+1' invites to all guests at a wedding?

So I finally got around to sending out all my wedding invites and my partner's aunt and cousins received theirs today and on their invite I wrote the aunt and uncles name and the two cousins so they knew they were all invited and then I got a phone call from the eldest cousin (she is 18) asking if her invitation was 'plus 1' and if she could bring her boyfriend of a year (who me and my partner have never met) and I felt put in the spot when she asked but I told her the truth, its a small wedding with only 40 guests and the guest list is full now and I can't afford to add anyone else, which is true and then she asked how come some of my friend's could bring their partner's and I told her its because my friend's partners are also my friend's too and I know them all well. So she told me she wasn't going to go then, it would just be her mum and dad attending the wedding. I could understand her not going if she didn't know anyone at the wedding but all her family will be there.

Do you think its rude to not offer every guest a plus one? Or would you reserve it for certain people - those who maybe wont know anyone else at the wedding for example?

Reply 1

ax12

No, weddings are expensive! You can say no, especially as it's a small wedding and you only want your closest there.

Reply 2

hezzlington

Its not really your fault for not being able to accommodate absolutely everybody.

Reply 3

claireestelle

Original post by Spock's Socks

No its not rude at all, weddings are expensive things and it seems like your cousin will know other people there so if she chooses not to come that's her loss. I've let my cousin have a plus one but that's because i could spare a place but if i couldn't i would have comfortably said no to her, anyone else who has a "plus one" are the partners of the bridesmaids and groomsmen who we've all met numerous times.

Reply 4

Rum Ham

Original post by claireestelle

I thought it was more rude of her to ask if she had a plus one than me not giving her a plus one but she clearly disagrees :/ ah well, you can't please everyone when it comes to weddings :tongue:

I just clicked that I didn't add any RSVP slips or anything like that to the bloody invites :facepalm:

I have everyone I invited on FB and/or have their phone numbers but I just hope they know to contact me to tell me they will most likely make it, now or nearer the time. Its shocking how many people don't get back to you when you invite them to something, be it something small like a night out or a big thing like a wedding

Reply 5

claireestelle

Original post by Spock's Socks

I thought it was more rude of her to ask if she had a plus one than me not giving her a plus one but she clearly disagrees :/ ah well, you can't please everyone when it comes to weddings :tongue:

I just clicked that I didn't add any RSVP slips or anything like that to the bloody invites :facepalm:

You don't have to have RSVP slips, like you said they all have ways of contacting you so it's really not something you need so don't worry about it :smile:

I put in the invites that I'd like to know a couple of months before so gives me time to get hold of people if they haven't answered (fortunately it's only two before that they need final guest numbers so plenty of time to sort it) You're right you can't please everyone with weddings so just do what makes you both happy, i feel quite fortunate that we've had no major complaints as yet.

Reply 6

Rum Ham

Original post by claireestelle

You don't have to have RSVP slips, like you said they all have ways of contacting you so it's really not something you need so don't worry about it :smile:

I was thinking of making a private FB group or one of those 'wedsites' to keep people who are invited up to date with everything and to add little memos such as asking nicely for people to not upload any pics of me and Callan until we have the next day or so. I'm ok with them saying they are at our wedding and taking pics of themselves and uploading them there and then, just not of us but I feel so cheeky asking that :colondollar:

Reply 7

claireestelle

Original post by Spock's Socks

that could work, a website would be a good quick reminder to people of various details :smile:

I don't think that's too cheeky to ask at all, especially if it's only a matter of days :smile:

Reply 8

ddrrzzeerr

It's only rude to not invite spouses and probably also engaged/living together. Other than that, you don't have to invite anyone.

Reply 9

Zarek

I think it was pretty rude of her to call and ask to include an extremely peripheral guest. Dont worry about it for a second.

Reply 10

choleCcarknif3r

Original post by Spock's Socks

She sounds like the rude one tbh. I'd offer a +1 to the people you have. It's a small wedding. It's your special day, not hers. Why should a bunch of strangers be there? It sounds like she's completely missing the point of the day

Reply 11

username2571271

She's the rude one, not you. You want a small group of people who you know and thats perfectly understandable. You dont want everyone bringing along someone who a) youve never met before and dont feel comfortable being around b) doesnt know you and probably isnt that interested in the wedding

Seriously don't feel bad :hugs:

Reply 12

Anonymous #1

your wedding, your decision

Reply 13

Helenia

Nope, not rude, though someone will always get their knickers in a twist.

We only invited couples who were married/engaged, or where we were friends with both people. In hindsight, there were one or two extras who we ought to have invited, but I don't think anyone was mortally offended!

Reply 14

Rum Ham

Thanks everyone, feeling better about the situation now :smile:

Reply 15

username1726117

Original post by Spock's Socks

So she told me she wasn't going to go then, it would just be her mum and dad attending the wedding.

With respect to yourself, I think your cousin is being quite selfish. I've witnessed similar things at both weddings and funerals, and I cannot even fathom how people make such a fuss over these things; it's not their event, for starters. You've done nothing wrong. It's YOUR wedding...ya'know, that thing you only want to happen once in life and want to make as special as possible? Literally screw everyone else and have what YOU want.

You sure as hell deserve it. <3

Reply 16

MyTwistedWorld

Not at all, congrats on ur wedding brah :headbang:

Reply 17

doodle_333

it's your wedding - do it your way :smile:

I don't think you're obligated to invite anyone, given the amount you'll have to pay for each person who attends a wedding - but I definitely don't think your 18 y/o cousin's boyfriend who you've never met is someone you should even consider