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Got creeped out by a guy the library today

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Original post by Anonymous
uhh doesn't the same apply to men too though?

when its a fat/ugly woman its harassment
when its a hot woman, its welcomed


yes it does.
I wonder if we can move this thread back onto a constructive topic?

I am wondering, were you looking for some advice on how to manage a similar situation in future? Or were you simply seeking some thoughts on why such incidents occur?
Original post by _Sinnie_
I wonder if we can move this thread back onto a constructive topic?

I am wondering, were you looking for some advice on how to manage a similar situation in future? Or were you simply seeking some thoughts on why such incidents occur?


Constructive answers was all I was looking for, not torrents of abuse.
Both really. I don't expect it to happen again but it hasn't been the first time and I just wonder why it happens and what I can do about it.
Original post by sherlockfan
yes it does.


You are not a man.
Original post by sherlockfan
Constructive answers was all I was looking for, not torrents of abuse.
Both really. I don't expect it to happen again but it hasn't been the first time and I just wonder why it happens and what I can do about it.


My first thought is that I'm quite curious about why you feel it wouldn't happen again, your post and subsequent responses have shown that you view yourself as someone who people wouldn't want to talk to. I can understand that people may hold that view of themselves, but surely you appreciate that on the whole, people do chat to one another? These threads are always very tricky as we start to delve into some of the psychological workings of our behaviours and airing those in a public place is rarely a good idea (certainly in such an uncontained manner as this). I would genuinely consider discussing your overarching concerns about this with someone.

As to why these things occur. I think you are potentially conflating someone being nice to you, or making an enquiry with someone hitting on you, or being after sex. Sure, often these are not mutually exclusive, but it also doesn't have to be creepy.

If they were just being friendly, or asking a question. Then perhaps you were the closest person? Or you looked approachable? Or even you look a little awkward, but they also feel awkward and sensed a kindred spirit?

There is a good chance they were talking to you to chat you up (I don't think may people overtly seek a hook up in libraries). I can appreciate that you may not be interested in that, and that is fine; you may also be very busy and not wish to be disturbed, and that is also fine. But they don't know that. I might ask someone if their book/series was good, especially if I had heard about it or it was in a genre I was looking at.

The real measure of the inappropriateness is how persistent they were. Unfortunately, there are unpleasant people wherever we go. Fortunately, most people really aren't like that.

How to deal with it? You can't really ignore them and at first, it is just innocent questions (would you be annoyed if someone on the street asked you for the time?) The reality is, for the first 2/3 questions, you just grin and bear it, at the end of the day you are in public and people can and will talk to you. Once it gets to a point that overstays its welcome, smile and apologise, "I'm sorry, I'm really into the book right now, do you mind?"
Original post by sherlockfan
Thank you for informing me, I wouldn't have guessed.


The same does not apply to men. Men would just laugh about it with their mates after if a fat woman 'harassed' them. It's nothing. That's if we even thought there was anything more to it than asking about a book in the first place, which I doubt.

Men are full of hypocrisy and double standards.


OK. Well enjoy the company of your six cats, Ben & Jerry's & Adele CDs.
Original post by DonaldTrump12
Guy talks to girl about books.

In a library.

Call the ****ing police




This made my day
Original post by Anonymous
uhh doesn't the same apply to men too though?

when its a fat/ugly woman its harassment
when its a hot woman, its welcomed


No.

If a man gets harassed by a tubby/ug, he'll probably still welcome it unless she's obviously homicidal.
Original post by Trinculo
Let's get real, there was only one issue here, and it wasn't anything to do with the library.

You didn't fancy the dude; ergo he's creepy and desperate.

If it had been Benedict coming up to you in the library, presumably it would be a whirlwind of romance, and just the thing you'd expect from a sensitive, intellectual man- rather than the tacky experience of a horrid club or bar.


Oh if only dreams came true. :colondollar:
Lol everyone is so rude for no reason xD Good old tsr.

I had a creepy old examiner rub my arm and call me a "good girl" and I'm not remotely attractive either.

Creepy will always be creepy no matter what you look like or where you are.
Ah yes, the library. Where men frequent to get the ladies. Harry Potter is a babe magnet.
Original post by TheonlyMrsHolmes
Lol everyone is so rude for no reason xD Good old tsr.

I had a creepy old examiner rub my arm and call me a "good girl" and I'm not remotely attractive either.

Creepy will always be creepy no matter what you look like or where you are.


Nah but there's a difference, there was no need for that and there was some dodgy af physical contact.

A person talking to you about a BOOK in a LIBRARY and being called creepy is stupid
Original post by sherlockfan
So I went to the library today just to pass the time and I was sitting there reading, minding my own business when this dodgy looking man comes up to me and asks if i know what time the library closes. I thought he genuinely wanted to know so I told him it closes at eight. But then he asks me if the book im reading is any good (Harry potter and the cursed child). Not wishing to engage in further conversation, i tell him yes and return to by book. Then he asks if the other harry potter books are good, and I say yes they are, trying to make myself quite clear that I wish to be alone, at which point he goes away.
I'm just surprised and slightly disturbed at the desperate measures guys will resort to with complete strangers just to get the attention of someone from the opposite sex. I'm not even remotely attractive, and if this happens again I intend to make myself quite clear and say that I just wish to read my book in peace.
It was just a bit pathetic and creepy really and it ruined my inner peace just a little bit. Not a lot, just a bit. I shouldnt have to endure that. And in a library too, of all places.


Why are you offended because somebody dared to ask you a question? Get a grip.

But it sounds like you just want an echo chamber of people agreeing with you that he was being creepily trying to have sex with you, in which case you're right, people shouldn't talk to you.
Original post by PhilipG1
Nah but there's a difference, there was no need for that and there was some dodgy af physical contact.

A person talking to you about a BOOK in a LIBRARY and being called creepy is stupid


Yes but maybe it's because of the setting? I know it really freaked me out because I was alone in the exam room and it was so quiet. I'm guessing it could be similar for her because it's so quiet and generally not a place where people talk.

Okay but the arm rubbing and everything was a bit extreme and I agree it's not the same.

Omg I can still smell his awful breath in my face. :redface:
Original post by sherlockfan
I think any girl would be slightly paranoid when approached by a stranger in a public area (unless they are actually on the pull) and it's not my fault or the fault of any other women that society is built in that way.


A stranger initiating a conversation with me doesn't bother me at all! And I'm certainly not on the pull. :tongue:
I completely understand where you are coming from, If you see someone who is blatently having some alone time its quite rude to go up and try to get into a conversation, Why do people think that they have a wright to our time and we should be flattered by it No its annoying and weard. I stopped going to the library because I got so sick of random men coming up trying to talk to me. You answered his question and that should have been it I hate that sort of thing its so uncomfortable and for all the people who are being nasty are the kind of people whi if you had spoken to him out of politeness than he attacked you would be like its her fault for flirting with she should not have got into a conversation
Original post by sinfonietta
A stranger initiating a conversation with me doesn't bother me at all! And I'm certainly not on the pull. :tongue:


I met my ex at the library, and she hit on me! What a creep eh?
Original post by Trinculo
Let's get real, there was only one issue here, and it wasn't anything to do with the library.

You didn't fancy the dude; ergo he's creepy and desperate.

If it had been Benedict coming up to you in the library, presumably it would be a whirlwind of romance, and just the thing you'd expect from a sensitive, intellectual man- rather than the tacky experience of a horrid club or bar.


my g, couldnt put it better myself, it it was a hot guy she woudlnt be talking crud talking about creepy, shut up girl ur just an attention seeker , do 1
Original post by sherlockfan
you say i'm autistic like that's some sort of an insult. like I said before, that's in very poor taste and just shows the sort of person you are.

I did get the sarcasm, I tried to ignore it so he would realize the futility of his post.
however the man may well have been. whose to say he is interested in potter books. ive a son and a daughter that are autistic. what you class as creepy could easily be that mans way of trying to overcome his problem. after all a short fat ugly woman would seem a safe bet to talk to.
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Avatar for okey
okey
15
not trying to be rude but youre not that bright

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